


As Time Goes By

by TheProperLexicon



Series: Narnian Warriors of London [1]
Category: Chronicles of Narnia (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-09
Updated: 2013-04-09
Packaged: 2017-12-08 00:35:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 55,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/754910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheProperLexicon/pseuds/TheProperLexicon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Upon their return from Narnia, the Pevensies are forced into reality once again. But back in Narnia, years have passed, leaving Caspian to wonder "what if". With a wish granted and a doorway opened, will they find the answers they seek, or more questions?</p><p>AU/Movie-verse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Broken and Bruised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan and Lucy talk and their parents travel.

Rain streamed down in rivulets against the window where she sat, her open book discarded on her lap. Behind her, a door opened, and the soft, ever familiar voice drifted to her. "Susan," Lucy whispered. "Are you in here?" Only then did Susan notice that in her daydreams it had grown dark and she had not turned on the lamps. For a brief moment she debated allowing Lucy to leave without speaking. "Susan?" Lucy persisted, "I need to speak to you. Please, are you in here?"

"Yes, Lu," Susan replied, rising to her feet. She reached over and turned on the lamp. "What do you need?"

Lucy glanced around the now lighted room, taking in the chair where Susan had been resting. "What ever are you doing locked up in your room, Sue?" she asked cautiously.

"Reading," Susan supplied, holding up her book. "What did you need to speak to me about?"

Her younger sister decided to refrain from mentioning that the lamps were off and the curtains half drawn against the rain. "I have been thinking about things recently. Do you think that they are all right?"

Glancing at her, Susan sat on the bed but did not immediately reply. Lucy came and sat beside her, taking her hand. "I think that they are as well as they could be, given the tools we provided them," Susan finally replied. Lucy nodded.

For the last two weeks there had been a weight in their house, shrouding the siblings in silence and deep thought. Even their parents had noticed it. When they strolled into the room and the children grew still and motionless. The parents would question each other in the privacy of their bedchambers as to whether they had heard mention of any of the things that were vexing their children.

Holding her sister's hand, in the bright lights of her bedroom, Susan slipped back into her ever-familiar daydreams. In the two weeks since they had left Narnia, almost sixty years had passed. This was more than enough time for there to be a massive downfall, and another war. It was enough time for everyone they had met and befriended during this visit to have lived and died. It was long enough for Caspian to have married, had children and died, and she, Susan, was only fourteen days older.

"Do you miss him, Susan?" Lucy asked softly, squeezing her hand.

"Who?" Susan asked, almost automatically.

Lucy glanced at her, leveling her gaze. "You know who," she replied, with wisdom broader than her nine years.

"Sometimes, Lu," Susan replied. "But I barely knew him, after all. A month together is not long enough, I suppose. Even if we had been together longer… I do not believe anything would have come of it. He was a prince, born to be king."

"It may have worked out," Lucy replied. "You are a queen."

Susan glanced at her out of the corner of her eye. "Not anymore," she said. "I am no more a queen in this world than Aslan is a human in his." Lucy stared at the hardwood floor of the bedroom. Outside, the rain pelted down against the glass windows, wind howling around the house. Lightning flashed brightly in the sky. "I'm tired, Lucy. I'll see you in the morning." Lucy nodded and rose to her feet, leaving her elder sister alone in the lighted room. She knew in her heart that Susan would not sleep tonight; she had not slept since they had returned.

* * *

Downstairs, Peter and Edmund sat silently in the parlor, the eldest of the two staring at the fire, the younger brother sitting at his chess board. On the other side of the chess board sat an empty seat, Edmund no longer played against the family. He had not since their first return from Narnia. Lucy entered through the arched doorway, taking in the scene of her two brothers. She finally sat beside Peter and whispered, "I'm worried for her, Pete."

"She needs to be left alone, Pete," Edmund said softly, so as not to be heard in the echoing house. "She will heal. She always does. It was a brief moment in time for us, but a second. We have not been the same since the first visit. This one will not be easy to overcome either…" He trailed off for a moment. "Especially with all that we did this time around."

Peter and Lucy both looked at their hands, as if they would be able to see the blood. They had been though so much in the last sixteen years, and they were still considered children in their world. So much had happened in this visit, and it had been hard to return this time, knowing what was coming when they returned to their time and place.

Footsteps echoed in the hall, heavy footed steps that stopped at the door to the parlor. The children all turned to greet their father with a silent nod. "Children," he said, stepping in. "I have news for you. Where is Susan?" Peter glanced to Lucy, Lucy in turn glanced to Edmund.

"Susan retired early this evening, Father," Edmund said. "She complained of a headache."

"Ah," their father replied, "Well, then I shall trust that you will give her the news in the morning." Peter and Edmund swiftly nodded their agreement. "Then, without delay, I shall explain. Your mother and I shall be leaving tomorrow at dawn for Paris. I have business that must be attended to. We have arranged for Mrs. Kelly to keep the kitchen stocked while we are away, and your mother has asked Mrs. Wright to check on you after school each evening."

"When shall you return, Father?" Peter asked, turning in his chair to face him.

The man shifted his gaze from Peter to Edmund. They were suddenly very attentive, his children. "We suspect that it will be a few weeks. Perhaps a month."

"I see," Peter said. "Well, I speak for all of us when I say that I hope you have safe and wonderful trip. We will be perfectly fine on our own." Lucy and Edmund heard the words that Peter spoke and the words that Peter meant. They had performed in two battles to the death and created two peaceful dynasty from war; they could survive for a month without parents. It might even be easier to bring Susan around without their parents constantly listening in on their whispered conversations, and asking them all sorts of questions. Susan had all but shut herself up in her room to escape the bombardment.

Their father stood there for a long moment, looking at the three of them staring back at him. "Peter," he said, finally. "When I return, I would like to see the children I remember. If not from before the war, then from a few weeks ago." Edmund glanced back at his chess board. "Yes, Edmund," their father said, glancing at him. "I have noticed that something has changed in the last few weeks. I will not push, though your mother wants me to. Something was different when you came back from Professor Kirke's after the war, but we understood that. But this is different." Lucy rose to her feet. "Well, I'll bid you good night, and farewell. We will be away before you leave for classes." Peter, Edmund and Lucy nodded to their father; he turned and vanished from the room.

* * *

The four Pevensie children made their way across the street to the underground station. This station was where their return to Narnia had taken place. Peter and Susan stood to one side while Lucy and Edmund stepped up closer to the tracks. A boy bumped Peter, shoving him into Susan. Susan stumbled, her books falling from her arms. Lucy swiveled at her outcry while Edmund reached instinctively for his sword. The boy that bumped him turned, it was the same boy that Peter had gotten in a fight with on the day they returned.

He smirked. "Watch where you're going, Pevensie," he snorted. His friends flanked him, "You should apologize."

Without blinking, Peter replied, "Terribly sorry." He turned to them. "Excuse me." He turned away and knelt to help Susan scoop up her books. The boys exchanged glances behind Peter's back, Edmund watched with curiosity, his hand still placed to his sword hip. Susan's books were back in her arms when the boy who bumped him, a boy named Jonathan, tapped Peter on the shoulder.

"You're in my way, Pevensie," Jonathan said hotly.

Peter glanced between Jonathan and Susan. Susan's brown eyes implored him, and for the first time Peter took a step back. "Pardon me, I was assisting my sister. Please, proceed." He gestured for Jonathan and his cronies to pass. The boy did so, glaring at Peter along the way. As soon as they were passed, he turned to Susan. "Are you ok?"

For the first time since they returned, she was beaming up at him. "That was wonderful, Peter!" she exclaimed, flinging her arms around him. He held her tight, reveling in the joyful radiance that she used to extrude on a regular basis, before losing herself in the first return from Narnia. The train screeched into the station, drowning out their thoughts. When the sound finally ended, the train was stopped before them.

Lucy and Edmond stepped through the doors, and turned back to watch their siblings slip out of their embrace and move toward them. Susan was still beaming as Lucy reached out and took her hand. Maybe things would be normal soon.


	2. Time to Heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Caspian visits with a lion.

He stood on the balcony, overlooking the ocean, on the very site that Cair Paravel once stood. He stared hard at the ocean, the waves lapping against the shore. Beside him stood an enormous lion, his main shiny in the setting sun. "What do you say, sir?" the man asked.

"You have done well, Your Majesty," the lion said, his voice reverberating on the wind. "It is all that I saw you doing and much more." The man beside him nodded and looked down. He had spent nearly fifty years of his life serving Narnia, keeping the peace. There had been uprisings, of course, and he had led the attack against the discontented Telemarines. It had been a struggle at times, and a pleasure at others.

He turned away from the view, leaving the lion on the balcony alone. The halls of the new Cair Paravel were different than the first. Since the palace was built after the battle for Narnia there were murals and frescoes lining every hallway. He lived his life surrounded with reminders of the Pevensie siblings, of the Stone Table and the battle that led to his victory over his uncle.

In his teens he was named King of Narnia, Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Lion. He lived his life as a servant of the people and creatures of Narnia. He married at age eighteen, had three children by the age of twenty-five and raised them all in the ways of the Old Magic, as he was schooled.

His life was, in short, wonderful. He lived in beautiful Narnia with a stunning wife and gorgeous children. But it had been spent in the shadow of something else. Something that made him think that it should have been completely different.

He stopped before a large fresco at the fork of a long hallway. One led off to the throne room, while another led off to more hallways. He reached out and brushed a hand along the fresco. It depicted a scene in which a woman stood facing several Telemarine archers with just her bow and quiver. The rendition was almost immaculate, and the scene was life-sized. She came to his shoulder, her arrow trained on the nearest soldier. He reached out and touched the face of the woman in the painting.

"Father?" a voice said from behind. He pulled his hand back from the painting and turned. "What are you doing?"

"Hello, Petre," he said. "I was remembering a day long ago, when I learned what it meant to be King."

Petre nodded, coming up beside him. "Who was she, Father? I have passed this fresco every day of my life and I have never known." His father turned back to the image. "Mother told me that it was Queen Susan the Gentle, but my studies tell me that the Golden Age of King Peter ended over 1350 years ago."

His father reached out again and touched the painting. "She was Queen Susan. I called her when Narnia was in dire need, and she arrived with High King Peter, Queen Lucy and King Edmund. They helped me to save Narnia." He glanced at Petre. "You should know all of this, you were taught it as a child."

Petre held his gaze as he nodded. "Yes, Father, I was. I just wanted to hear you speak of her. You have never acknowledged her to me. Now I know why. Even in hearing you say her name, my suspicions are confirmed." Petre patted his father on the shoulder and finished, "You were in love with her."

The old man turned away from the painting and whispered, "I think I was. It was a lifetime ago."

* * *

His bedchambers were empty when he walked in, but this was not unusual. Five years before, in the year of his fifty-ninth birthday, his wife, Queen Amada, passed away of inflammation of the heart. She had been sick for months, and all the conjurers and physicians in the land had been unable to do anything but make her comfortable. It had been hard for him to watch her die; she had been the best friend he had for most of his adult life.

Amada had known about Susan, she had listened to him speak of her for a long time, usually at night when they were alone. When he had finally stopped speaking of her, that's when she had started talking about children. She was a wonderful wife and friend, and she was all that he could have hoped for.

On the night that she died he was by her bedside, holding her hand, as he always had been. She spoke of the past, of their years together. Then, as it drifted closer to midnight, she turned her talk to the distant past. She spoke words to him that still echoed in their bedchamber, words that he pulled out to listen to when he felt lonely.

"Caspian," she had said, "Our years together have been truly amazing, and I have loved you ever since we first met. You bewitched me. I knew on our wedding day that you did not love me in return, but I suspected that it would become admiration and respect that resembled affection. It has. Your one true love is gone from here, but she is not gone from you. I only wish you the happiness that you could have had with her, and I believe that you deserve to have it. You have granted my every wish for my life, and I still love you as much today as the day we got married." She had held his hand and that sat in silence as she drifted away.

Now he sat on the edge of the bed that they had shared, he dropped his head into his hands. Fifty years had been spent here, creating a world that Susan had inspired him to create. He did not even know if he remembered her correctly, or if he had read too much into the time that they had together. But he barely knew her, after all. A month together is not a long time.

"A month may not be a long time, Your Majesty," a deep voice said from the doorway, "But a lifetime is."

Caspian turned around and faced the lion in the doorway. The king stood at his six feet, but his hair was completely silver, his bones spindly, his limbs weak. He had grown old, and Aslan had not aged. "Sometimes I wish that I had followed her to the Otherside, instead of staying here and creating this world for her. I suppose I thought that she would return."

The lion entered the room, sliding around the bed to the balcony. Caspian turned his head to watch him. "You have done all that you promised me, Your Majesty, and now it is my turn to do something for you," Aslan said.

"You gave me a kingdom, sir," Caspian said. "You owe me nothing."

"I owe you everything, Caspian. Everything within my power."

The wizened old man rose to his feet and strolled to the balcony to overlook the forests near the beach. He placed a hand on Aslan's mane and the giant lion helped to steady him. "What could you grant me that I do not have?" he asked.

"A lifetime…" Aslan replied, "With Susan."

Caspian froze, his hand still on Aslan. "I'm sixty-five years of age, Lion," Caspian said softly. "I don't have a lifetime left."

The lion sat down, shifting his head to look up at the king. "Do you want it?"

After a long moment, Caspian nodded and replied, "More than anything."

* * *

They stood alone in the forest where the great Stone Table had once stood. Caspian remembered it as the scene of the final battle, the moment that he had been most afraid. He remembered watching the catapults launch stones at the platform where Susan had been standing. For one terrifying moment Caspian watched as she plummeted to the ground. But she had caught herself on a shifting stone and been spared. It was in that moment that he realized that Susan was something more to him than just a savior of Narnia.

Now the temple that had served as a tomb for the Golden Age stood before them. The door was half destroyed from that epic battle, but one could still enter through a hollow in the fallen rock. Aslan moved toward the temple, Caspian beside him. "When you step through, you will find yourself not in the temple, but on the Otherside. You will not be the aged man that you are now, but the young man that I first met." He sat on the marble slab where Peter had battled Miraz to the death. "From there it is up to you. You will find her, Caspian. I promise you that."

Caspian nodded, his hands shaking. "Will I ever see you again, Aslan?"

The lion shrugged, his great shoulders moving in unison. "Only time will tell, Caspian. But one day, Narnia may need you, and you will return." Caspian nodded and bowed low to the lion.

Moments later he strolled down the ramp toward the scene of the cave in. As he ducked inside, he felt a gentle breeze. He stepped through and appeared on a street filled with frozen people and cars. As he came to a stop, astonishment crossing his face, the world slowly wound to a start. Caspian had no idea what he was looking at. The whole world seemed foreign. Fleetingly, he realized that it was completely foreign. However, in his inspection of this bright new world his heart began to speed up. Across the car littered street stood a young girl he knew well. Lucy Pevensie was standing by the staircase leading to the Underground.


	3. Call to Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Pevensie children skip school.

Across the wide street, filled with automobiles, Caspian watched Lucy glance around. He looked down at himself, and found a gray suit and black shoes. His hair was long and brunette once more, as it was when he was younger. His hands were strong and looked as though he could handle a sword as he did all those years ago. For a single fleeting moment he recalled the words of Aslan as they traveled to the site of the Stone Table.  _Here in Narnia, you will have died calmly in your sleep. Petre will become High King, and things will proceed as normal. You will only be able to return if called._

He was shocked from his reverie as he heard that voice drifting on the wind. "Lucy? Lucy!" His head shot up and he turned toward it. She was there, coming up the stairs from the Underground. Lucy turned to wave to her as Peter and Edmund came thundering up the stairs toward them. As Caspian watched the siblings commune at the top of the stairs a boy came up the stairs and shoved Peter out of the way. Peter turned back to him and their voices traveled across the street.

"Pevensie, you need to watch where you're going!" The boy barked, "You get in my way again and I'll pound you."

Susan placed a hand on Peter's arm as the young man said, "I apologize, Jonathan, but perhaps you should watch where you're going. That's the second time today that we've collided." Lucy and Edmund came together on the sidewalk and stepped to one side. The boy approached Peter, his fist clenched beside him.

Caspian began walking before he even realized what he was doing. A horn blared loudly as an automobile ground to a stop beside him. The Pevensies and their unwelcome friend turned to stare at him. Susan's jaw dropped and she gripped Peter's arm harder while Lucy and Edmund stared in open-mouthed astonishment. Peter held the most composure of the four siblings; he stood watching as Caspian continued across the street, this time watching for automobiles.

Jonathan was forgotten as Peter and Caspian clasped hands, Susan still slightly behind Peter, her mouth still open. "What has happened, Caspian?" Peter asked, expecting the worst.

"I have come to stay," he said, glancing to Susan. "My time there is done; I have served as best I can. It is in the capable hands of the new High King."

Lucy stepped forward, her eyes wide. "How long has it been?" she asked softly.

"Fifty years," Caspian replied.

"Fifty?" Susan asked, her voice cracking. "But you… You're…"

"Aslan," Edmund muttered, his eyes still trained on Caspian. The man nodded. "He sent you." Again, Caspian nodded. "Why?"

The man's eyes did not waiver from Susan as he spoke. "I needed to know. It has plagued me my whole life."

"Needed to know what?" Susan asked, taking a step away from Peter, but maintaining her grip on her brother.

Caspian stepped closer, his gaze never wavering. Peter actually stepped aside, leaving Susan exposed. "I needed to know how it felt to live a life that began with the choice I wanted, not the one that was required."

All this time, Jonathan was staring at the Pevensies and the mysterious man that had walked into the middle of their conversation. "Pevensie," Jonathan demanded, bringing the group's attention back to him. He was alone, Peter noticed, which was uncharacteristic of him. "You bumped me twice today, you're going to pay."

With a sigh, Caspian stepped forward. "What shall we do, Peter?" he asked, "Do we let him take a swing or just pummel him?" Jonathan sized up Caspian and Peter together, and his eyes filled with uncertainty, also uncharacteristic of him.

Susan began to object, but Peter stilled her. "He's not worth it, Caspian. We have much better things to do." He turned back to where Lucy and Edmund had stepped off a few feet. "We should get home, we have much to discuss."

* * *

The children ran up the stairs to the front door of their townhouse, where Peter unlocked the door. As they did, Mrs. Wright came from the house next door. "Hello children," she called, strolling down from her stoop. "I have been waiting for you to come home, I have an unexpected meeting this evening and I will not be able to come by. Will you be all right?"

"I can fix dinner, Mrs. Wright," Susan replied. "We shall simply do our homework and go to bed." Mrs. Wright nodded, satisfied with Susan's skills as a caregiver. "I hope everything goes well at your meeting!" The woman quickly went back up the stairs to her front door, waving good-bye over her shoulder.

Peter pushed the door open and they stepped into the foyer. Each child removed their jackets and hung them on the pegs on the wall. Susan and Lucy dropped their bags on the floor and pushed the inner door open. Peter and Caspian followed with Edmund bringing up the tail.

Once inside they moved toward the parlor where Edmund moved to stoke the fire from the embers. Lucy reached over and turned on the lamps, bathing the room in light. It seemed so surreal to have Caspian standing in the parlor of their townhouse. Susan stood off to one side, staring at him in 

complete disbelief. She had not said a word to any of them since they had left the underground station. When she spoke to Mrs. Wright Lucy had been shocked that her voice had not cracked. Peter sat down in a chair near the fire and gestured for Caspian to join him. The man slid into the chair opposite him while Lucy and Susan perched themselves on tables flanking the fireplace, Susan closer to Peter. Edmund sat at his ever present chess set.

"What has been happening, Caspian?" Peter asked.

He glanced from Lucy to Susan to Edmund and Peter, then back to Susan. "I ruled Narnia for fifty years. Aslan's appearance dotted my reign. He appeared a few days ago, on the day we announced the crowning of the new king, my son, Petre." Peter's gaze shifted to Susan, whose eyes were wide in their sockets. "He offered me a chance to go to Aslan's Country with him after the coronation. But there was something missing in my life. I have always known that there was a different choice for me to make, and I have felt that I made the wrong one."

"How could you have made the wrong choice?" Susan whispered. "You saved a world."

His gaze moved between Peter and Susan. "I lived that life with the knowledge that there was another waiting for me. I was wed to the woman chosen for me, and I raised the children I was given. At the end of my journey I knew that my choices would have been different if they did not have anything to do with what was expected of me."

Edmund leaned back. He was familiar with the feelings that Caspian had just expressed. He often felt that way looking back on his time in Narnia. He often wondered if he would have come back home if given a choice between the two.

"Aslan offered me the chance to come here, taking my years away so that I might find out what it felt like," Caspian whispered. Susan's eyes searched his, giving nothing away. "What it felt like to tell you that I have spent the last fifty years of my life dreaming of you and you alone."

She rose to her feet as Peter glanced between the two of them. "Ed, Lu, why don't you two go and see if Mrs. Kelly left any sandwiches in the icebox for us." Taking the cue, Edmund and Lucy rose to their feet and vacated the room immediately, leaving the three older children facing each other. "Caspian, what are you saying?" Peter asked, speaking for Susan.

The man did not look at Peter as he spoke. "Susan, ever since that day that you walked out of Narnia I have wondered if what I felt was love or simply the loss of knowing. I have willingly given up my time in Aslan's Country to find out if what I believed I felt is real. What do you feel?"

Susan stared at him for a long moment, and then she took a few steps forward. "I think I could be in love with you, Caspian," she whispered. "But you have had fifty years to think about it. I have only had fifteen days."

"I can give you fifty years to think about it," he whispered. "If you will let me."

She fell silent, glancing to her brother where he stood. He exchanged a glance with her. He knew it was her choice, but he was not sure how he felt. She reached out and grabbed Peter's arm, borrowing strength from him. Finally, a smile crossed her red lips. "We have a spare room upstairs, next to Peter's. You can stay there until we figure out a story for you." Caspian nodded, reaching for her. She dropped her hand fro Peter and walked into Caspian's arms. "Welcome to London," she whispered, burying her face in his shirt.


	4. When Midnight Comes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan makes dinner. With help.

The stove was burning and water boiling when the door to the kitchen opened. Peter and Caspian had gone upstairs to settle him into the spare bedroom and find clothes that might fit. Susan knew that it would be difficult to bring him into their world, there was so much that he did not know. Lucy came up behind her. "Can I help you, Susan?" she asked, stepping up to the counter.

"Will you check the ice box for butter?" she asked, snapping beans into a bowl. "And I need some water as well."

"Of course," Lucy replied, crossing the room. She was silent for a moment. "What do you think about all of this?" she asked, bringing butter over to her sister. "Are you all right?"

Susan took the butter and spread it liberally on a slice of bread. She handed it to Lucy, who took it and leaned on the counter. Susan went to the stove and poured the beans into the boiling water then crossed back to the counter where Lucy was leaning. She took her own slice of bread and smeared butter across it.

"I think I'm all right, Lu," she replied, her voice soft. "I'm just worried that I will wake up and this will be over." Lucy took a bite in silence. "I mean, it is so surreal to have him upstairs, sixty-four years old and exactly the same as I remember him."

"I imagine he feels the same way," Lucy whispered. "But you are also twenty-eight years old and look like a child."

Susan smiled at her sister and snickered, "You should talk, Lu!" She poked the younger girl in the side.

"Hey!" Lucy giggled, jumping away. Susan laughed and pulled her back to tickle her. She wiggled away and ran across the room. Susan leaned back against the counter, sighing. "I'm all right, Lucy," she continued. "I just need to grow accustomed to him being here." Lucy nodded and crossed back over to the counter. Without warning, Susan reached out and tickled her again, raising a squeal from her. The girl turned and fled the room, leaving Susan to chuckle to herself while she checked on the roast.

The dining room table was set for five when Mrs. Kelly came in through the front door. She stopped abruptly and recounted the plates. She had stopped by to make sure that the children had clothes for the next day at school, remembering that she had not done laundry for a few days. There

were definitely five plates on the table. She quickly passed through the room and almost collided with Susan as she crossed the kitchen to the stove. Susan jumped back and gasped.

"Mrs. Kelly!" she exclaimed. "You startled me!" Mrs. Kelly glanced around. "What are you doing here?"

The housekeeper stared around the kitchen. "Miss Susan," she said, "Do you have company?"

"Uh," Susan said, glancing around. "Peter has a friend from school coming to dinner," she lied, glancing to the door way of the kitchen. "Can I do anything for you, Mrs. Kelly?"

"No," the women said, glancing around. "I just came by to make sure that you children had clothes for school tomorrow."

"Oh, we do," Susan assured her, a smile brightening her face. "We'll see you tomorrow, Mrs. Kelly," she said, anxious to get the woman out. If she saw Caspian before they concocted a plausible story for him, it might destroy everything. Mrs. Kelly nodded and turned. Susan steered her toward the kitchen exit, trying to avoid allowing her to pass through the house. "We will see you tomorrow, then?" Susan asked.

"Yes," Mrs. Kelly replied slowly, taking the kitchen in. "I'll come by tomorrow," she finished as Susan opened the door. "Are you sure everything is all right, Miss Susan?"

"Yes," Susan said, assuring her again. "Everything is fine. Tomorrow, Mrs. Kelly, perhaps you could bring some preserves for Saturday breakfast? I know that Lucy has been craving them."

"Of course, Miss," the housekeeper replied, stepping out into the darkness of the back alley. "I'll see you tomorrow." The door closed and Susan secured it behind her, sighing with relief as she leaned against it.

A voice came from the shadows of the dining room, making her jump enough to jar her head against the door. "Are you all right, Susan?" He emerged from the shadows as she bumped her head against the hard wood paneling. "Sorry, I did not mean to frighten you."

"Caspian," she gasped. "You should not lurk in shadowy rooms."

"I wanted to speak to you," he said, coming further into the room. "Alone."

She crossed back across the kitchen to pull the roast from the stove. There were potatoes steaming in the pot and the beans that she had put on had boiled nicely. "Well, here I am," she said as she scooped the round potatoes into a bowl.

He watched her for a long moment, taking her in. She still wore her uniform, a starch white shirt and plaid skirt, knee high socks and loafers. "You look different," he said.

"My life is not in danger here, I'm sure I just look calm," she said.

"No," he replied. "You look uncertain." He looked down at himself, still dressed in the white shirt and gray pants from earlier in the afternoon. "I am not exactly certain myself right now. I do not know what I am doing here, or where I am. I know nothing of this world, and I have only just realized that I am alone in this place with the exception of four mythical children that I met during a war fifty years ago." His gaze traveled across the kitchen, away from her. "It seems fantastic."

Susan moved the roast beef onto a serving platter. "Susan," Caspian continued, she turned to look at him. "How do you think you feel about all of this?" His dark blue eyes burned into her as she watched him. "Did you think about me at all?"

"I have thought about you everyday since we have been back," she whispered. "But there are so many things that we must factor into our lives here. In Narnia it is not uncommon for people our age to become kings and queens, I mean we have both been kings and queens. Here things are very different. People our age are deemed as dreadfully young here. I cannot do anything on my own. My parents would never understand that I have killed more people than I can name. There are a lot of things standing in our way of even figuring out-"

Footsteps in the dining room cut her off. She scooped up the bowl of potatoes as Lucy and Edmund strolled in. They both stopped abruptly as they saw Caspian and Susan alone near the stove. "Er," Edmund said, "Um, do you need help?" he asked, spotting the food on the counter.

Susan nodded. "Ed, will you grab the beans, Lucy, will you take these potatoes?" Both children came over to take the bowls while Susan turned to lift the plate of roast beef. Caspian beat her to it, and followed Edmund and Lucy into the dining room, stealing a glance at Susan. As they walked into the dining room, Peter walked in through the opposite door. He took the potatoes from Lucy and placed them on the table, and then helped Lucy into her seat while Edmund and Caspian placed their dishes on the table. Caspian pulled out Susan's chair for her and then took a seat across the table.

For a long moment no one spoke. Peter cut the roast beef into slices, dealing them out to the children around the table. Finally, Edmund spoke. "What will we tell people about Caspian?" he asked, voicing the question that they were all thinking.

Susan nodded, scooping out potatoes and piling them on her plate. "Mrs. Kelly is suspicious. She saw the fifth plate and she seemed concerned." She glanced at Peter. "I think she might come back and find him." Peter looked to Caspian. Even at the dinner table he seemed out of place. He did not know where he was, and Peter did understand. A year before when he sat at the Beaver's table, staring at a talking animal that told him that he was a king of Narnia, he felt Caspian's level of discomfort. He was in a new world, a new place, with people that he did not know.

"We will figure it out, Susan," Peter replied. "I'm going to pen a letter to Professor Kirke tomorrow to ask his advice. Perhaps he knows what we can do to provide a story for Caspian, having been from Narnia himself." Caspian glanced around the table at the Pevensie children. Susan was sitting across from him, tight-lipped and pale. "Let's eat. We'll discuss this later."

* * *

Susan had retired early; it had been a stressful day for everyone involved. Peter and Caspian had stayed up for a long time tossing around ideas about a story. Lucy was the second to head off to bed, Susan heard her come up the stairs and pause outside the door. Thankfully she did not knock and continued on her way. An hour later, Edmund came up the stairs, his footsteps heavier than Lucy's, but not as heavy as Peter and Caspian's.

She had not gone to bed yet, though she had changed into her silk nightgown and robe. She sat in the chair near the window, her lights off so that no one would suspect that she was still awake. As the clock struck midnight, footsteps were heard on the stairs. They separated at the bedrooms, Caspian's heavier footsteps leading down the hall to the spare room, Peter's crossed the hall from Susan's room to his bedchambers.

Both doors closed and Susan listened for almost twenty minutes to see if anymore would open. When a half hour had passed she rose to her feet and stepped up to her door. No sound came from outside, so he cautiously turned the knob and opened it slightly to avoid the squeaking of hinges. She stepped daintily down the hall, sidestepping the loose board. She finally came to a halt outside Caspian's bedchambers and raised her hand to knock.

One short, quiet rap on the wood paneling sent shivers up Susan's spine, causing her to look behind her at her siblings' doors. The door opened slightly, revealing Caspian in a borrowed pair of Peter's pajamas. "Susan," he whispered, taking in the dark hallway. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

Without waiting for an invitation, Susan stepped inside the door, closing it behind her. "I've been thinking," she whispered. Caspian turned to stare at her. She stepped closer, the darkened room pressing them together. Then she rose up on her toes, wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his.


	5. Choose Your Battles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan is talked into truancy. Again.

For a long moment she reveled in the sensation of his warm lips against her, his strong arms coming around her waist, and then she pulled back, breaking their contact. Caspian sighed as he leaned away, lingering as close to her as he could. "That was…" he trailed off for a moment. "What brought that out?"

Susan did not step backward; she remained close to him though their bodies did not touch. "I have been thinking," she repeated, staring up at him. Her brown hair fell in a curtain over her shoulder, spilling down her back. "We have been given a second chance, Caspian, and it would be a shame to waste it," she whispered, her voice soft, her eyes glowing. "But if you think for one moment that you can show up here and just expect me to fall head over heels for you, you are mistaken." She brushed a tender hand along his jaw. "There are things here that you will have to understand, and it won't be easy. Girls from my world and girls from your world are very different." She reached for the doorknob. "I just thought I would tell you." As she opened the door, she turned back. With a whispered voice, she added, "Good night, Caspian," and leaned up and kissed him gently on the cheek.

Without another word she tiptoed back down the hallway, leaving Caspian standing in the doorway staring after her. He closed the door softly, shaking his head. He was no less confused than he had been before she knocked on his door; perhaps he was more confused. Fifty years before he had kissed her, just before she had crossed into the tree, and it had felt the same as it did at that moment. He had not forgotten a single thing about her, he knew that now. It was refreshing, even if he did not understand what she was talking about.

He crossed the room and crawled into the bed, his pajamas unfamiliar and uncomfortable as he lay down. The pillows were piled high and he pushed several off of the bed before he finally managed to get comfortable. Even the mattresses here were different than those from the castle that he had spent so much of his life in. He rolled onto his side and looked to the window. The Pevensies' townhome was in the center of London, in a world still ravaged by war. The lights were on in the street below and they last shadows up on the ceiling. He was at a loss in this world, with its lights and strange machines. The whole word seemed to want to move faster and he did not understand any of it. Susan had been right, her world and his world were both very different.

* * *

The following morning dawned foggy and overcast in a way that could only mean an English winter. Susan and Lucy were downstairs first, making sandwiches, when Peter and Edmund appeared, with Caspian tagging along. He wore one of Peter's blue blazers with a pair of khaki pants, his tie knotted firmly at his throat. Susan handed each of them a sandwich, which they tucked away in their school bags. Susan noted that Caspian carried one of Edmund's old school bags, though it was slightly turn and ratty it was still very usable.

"Well," Susan said. "Did you come up with a good story?"

Peter glanced to Caspian and replied, "Well, not really. I figured for now he can go to the park and come back with us in the afternoon."

His sister stared at him for a very long moment and then said, "You're going to leave a man that is from another world alone in the park for eight hours?" Lucy glanced from Susan to Peter and stepped closer to Edmund. "Are you crazy?" Susan asked, eyes flashing. "That's outrageous!"

"Would you like to stay with me?" Caspian asked, leveling his gaze at her.

She shifted her glare from Peter to Caspian, her eyes darkening. "That would not be right. I would miss school!"

But Caspian could not be swayed. "Theoretically, you have already attended these classes with your tutors in Narnia. Right now you are doing lessons that you completed fifteen years ago," he argued, verbally walking her into a corner. "One day will not hurt your education, and it would serve as a good day of adventure."

"What do you say, Susan?" Peter asked, the corners of his mouth turning up. Caspian had argued logic with Susan, and he had won. Susan glanced from Caspian to Peter and saw the smirk; she knew that she had lost the battle.

She turned away. "Oh, all right, then," she sighed. "But this will be the only day that this can happen. If you do not have a story for him by Monday, then you shall stay with him, Peter."

"I swear I will," Peter said, crossing his heart and grinning at her. "Lets get going." The children filtered out of the kitchen through the dining room and out the front door.

* * *

"This is the Underground," Lucy whispered to Caspian as he walked beside her. "It's a subterranean track system that moves high volume containers filled with people to their destination."

He looked around at the people and children in the vestibule. "All of these people are travelling to the same location?" he asked.

Lucy shook her head with a giggle. "Of course not! The Underground stops at many different stations, but they are all on the same track. It's similar to a caravan with people dropping off at their location." She looked around, "Well, except that the Underground is a fast-moving passenger system and a caravan is, well, a caravan."

A rumbling filled the tunnel as the car flew into the station. Caspian jumped backwards, colliding with Peter. Peter reached out and steadied him, patting his shoulder, and pushed him back up. Susan reached out as well, with a smile in place, and placed a light hand on his arm. The car groaned to a stop before them and the doors opened. As they moved to step in, a group of boys collided with them. Peter stumbled backward and Caspian reached out to steady him. Susan teetered as if she would fall but Edmund reached out and grasped her firmly. Lucy slid out of the way in time, managing to get onto the car.

"Pevensie," Jonathan said, turning to glare. "Watch where you're going!"

With a sigh, Peter stepped around him. "I'm very tired of you," he retorted. Susan followed him with Edmund and Caspian brought up the rear.

Jonathan went to push Caspian aside to reach Peter, but Caspian reached out with a lightning quick hand cultivated from six decades of master swordwork. He snatched Jonathan's wrist and twisted it behind the boy. He bent him down at the waist and twisted it slightly as Jonathan cried out in disbelief and pain. "That," Caspian said softly, "Is not acceptable where I come from." He took a step back and dropped Jonathan's hand. He backed onto the car, stepping up beside Susan. The door closed, leaving Jonathan staring in astonishment as the car began to pull away.

"Caspian," Peter warned, his voice deep with disappointment. "Was that really necessary?" He turned to glance at him. "Violence solves nothing," he continued.

He stared at Peter in wonder. "This coming from the man that led a siege against a castle and fought a battle to the death to defeat the threat of tyranny over Narnia," he replied.

He shifted his weight from one foot to another. "That was another time," he retorted, "Another place. A place where words would do no good and war was the only way out."

"You have spoken to that boy, and he has continuously threatened you," Caspian snapped. "If you do not take action then you shall be defeated. I will not stand by and watch that happen." He turned to face Peter, bracing himself on a pole to assist him in the lurching car. "We are bound by something far greater than any bond you will ever know. We are bound by the blood shed by our sword, the blood of true brotherhood. You must stand up for what you believe."

The children were all silent as they watched them stare at each other. Finally, Susan spoke up. "He's right," she said. "Sometimes it is time to fight back." Peter turned to glare at her, his piercing gaze cold. "I'm not saying that you should declare war on Jonathan. I'm simply saying that you don't have to let him walk all over you."

Peter shifted his gaze from Susan to Caspian and then to Edmund, his silent support. But this time Edmund was nodding. "Do you agree with them, Ed?" he questioned.

"Yes," Edmund replied. "I know that I've stopped it before, but I think you should just pound the hell out of that bugger and move on. He isn't that tough."

"We can find you a sword if it will make you feel better," Lucy giggled from below them all. "I mean, you used to look taller with one." They all turned to stare at her. "Maybe because you were fifteen years older then…"

"Aw," Peter said, a smile dawning on his face. "Shut up, Lu."

The doors opened at their station, and they all stepped off, Caspian wobbling a bit as the train ground to a stop. Susan glanced around, "I suppose this is where we split up." Peter nodded. "Meet back here after classes?"

The trio of Pevensies nodded, leaving Caspian and Susan alone in the crowded tunnel as they joined the masses moving up the stairs. Susan turned to him and said, "Well, I suppose it's just you and me now."

Caspian nodded. "I would not have it any other way," he said, offering an arm. She accepted it, moving with him toward the street exit. "I have wanted to ask you something," he said. "What did you mean by what you said last night? About the second chance."

She sighed as they moved into the sunlight. "Aslan granted this to us. He has seen something that will change our futures completely. But he is an enigma, and sometimes what he sees is not what we believe." They crossed the sidewalk and slowed at the side of the street. Susan waited until there was a safe gap and crossed. "I think that we need to be careful what we do; this might not be what we think it is."


	6. Blood of my Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they run into an old enemy, turned friend.

With the shade cast by the tall oak tree over the bench that they sat on, Susan could almost forget the sandbags piled along the walls of the buildings. It had been a week since the last blitz, and that one had stayed around the city center; it did not branch to Finchley. Today, however, the sun was shining and the birds were chirping. It almost felt as if there was no war.

Caspian sat beside her, watching the crowds walk through the park. There were very few people out for a leisurely walk, but the park was filled with soldiers in uniform and nurses out for a stroll between shifts. There were a few university students, but most of the young people had enlisted. Susan and Caspian were practically invisible to the hustle and bustle of London.

"Peter explained that you are not considered queens and kings here," Caspian asked suddenly, startling Susan. "He told me that you have your own kings and queens." Susan nodded. "I would like to meet her."

A smile crossed Susan's lips as she spoke, "I doubt that we'll be able to meet her. But we can certainly go to see her castle. Would that do?" she asked. Caspian nodded.

Buckingham Palace rose above them, the cast iron gates blocking them from the building. Sandbags were piled high, as high as Susan stood, and the only relief in them was the gates through which cars passed. As they walked up, Caspian took in the sight. "Your King's castle is not well barricaded," he said. "They do not even have a moat."

Susan giggled. "In this world we don't have moats," she replied. "It would prove to be fruitless against the methods of war that we have created."

"What methods of war?" Caspian asked.

Susan looked back up at the castle. "You'll find out soon enough," she whispered.

The gates to the palace opened and a black car drove out, the man in the back could clearly be seen through the window. Susan immediately recognized two things, the first was the Commodore's stripes that adorned his Naval uniform, and the second was that she knew him. "Caspian," she gasped, clutching his arm. "Look!"

Caspian spun to look in the direction that she pointed and his eyes grew wide. If not for the grey hair and the slightly wrinkled face, the man in the uniform would look exactly like General Glozelle. "I do not believe it," Caspian whispered, taking a step forward. Susan gripped his arm, but the sudden motion caught the Commodore's eye.

The man's eyes widened as well, and he froze. He quickly opened the door and crossed the ten feet between them and stared at the boy. "Majesty?" he asked, his voice uncertain. When Caspian found that he could not answer, his eyes spoke for him. "Prince Caspian, it is you!" The man glanced to Susan and realization dawned in his eyes. "What has happened?"

Caspian glanced around at the people who had stopped to stare, all wondering why the Commodore was speaking to these two children. "Can we go somewhere to talk, in private?" Caspian whispered. The Commodore nodded, also glancing around.

He gestured for Susan and Caspian to follow him as they walked back to the car. "Get in, Majesties," he said softly, holding the door open for them. "We have much to discuss."

The car drove them down several streets before pulling up to a rather large and stately manor. The car pulled to a stop and a footman opened the door. Susan emerged first, glancing around, Caspian followed and the Commodore brought up the rear. They traveled up the stairs and the door opened, they stepped inside.

Once inside the Commodore led them off to the second left, which they discovered was his study. "Now," he said, sitting down. "What has happened, my young prince? Why have you left Narnia?"

Caspian sat in a chair while Susan stood behind him. "It has been fifty years since the battle for Narnia, sir. Aslan has granted me a second life," he replied. "You see, I have always wondered what I would have had if I had chosen to come here instead of stay in Narnia. On the day before my son was crowned king, I left that place and came here."

"You have a son in Narnia?" the Commodore asked.

"Yes. I have had several children," he replied, smiling. "Now, tell me, how long have you been here?"

"I have lived here for nearly twenty years, sir. I appeared as a cadet on a Naval ship. People just believed that I had always been there, it was very strange." He glanced to Susan, who stood behind Caspian. "I spent ten years on that ship, climbing the ranks. Now I am a commodore, and I have often wondered why Aslan chose to send me to that time, instead of yours."

"How did you know that they were not in the same time?" Susan asked softly.

"At first, I searched for you and your siblings. Your father was a cadet in the Royal Air Force when I found him; Peter had not yet been born." His gaze shifted to Caspian. "After all of these years, I had almost convinced myself that Narnia was all in my imagination. It seemed a fantasy in a world apart from this one. It has been a continuing dream in my every day that has pushed me further." He rose to his feet and walked across the room to a bookshelf. "On the day that I left Narnia, Aslan granted me a good life in this word. He exhaled and music filled my head." He reached up and pulled down a leatherbound volume. "Over the years the music has returned when I contemplated Narnia and the things that I did while I was there. I was treasonous to the Crown, to you, my prince." He brought the book over to them and passed it to Caspian. "I wrote the words that the music evoked, believing that one day I may find meaning in them." He gestured for Caspian to open the book. "Turn to the last few pages. Those entries are from just a few days ago."

Caspian opened the book, flipping the pages to the back while Susan leaned over his shoulder. On one of the last scribbled pages Caspian read the words etched in the Commodore's erratic hand.  _Your greatest regret will be forgiven when the king born of your blood is returned._  Caspian glanced to Susan, question in his eye.

"General, perhaps you can help us," she said, her mind clearing suddenly. "You see, Caspian would like to remain in London, but right now we do not have a plausible story with which to keep him here." She placed a hand on the young man's shoulder, leaning forward. "I believe that the guilt you feel at betraying your king will subside if you can help Caspian to find his place in this world, your home."

Silence filled the room as the Commodore glanced out the window at the cloudy gray sky. Slowly, he turned to look at them. "Perhaps Aslan sent me back so far in the past so that I might be in a position to provide my king with a home, a story and a comfortable lifestyle," he said, a smile dawning on his face.

Caspian's head swiveled so that he could meet Susan's gaze. He seemed surprised. This was an unexpected and welcome development in their quest for his story. "General, I don't know what to say," he said. "That would be wonderful!"

The Commodore spoke, a smile in place. "I think perhaps you should call me Commodore Alexander Gloster. It is the name that was given to me on my entry into this world. But you shall call me Uncle Alex, I think." He glanced between the two of them. "Does this suit your purposes?"

"I think it just might," Susan said, a smile on her face.

* * *

The three Pevensies were standing outside of the Underground entrance when Caspian and Susan came running across the street. "Peter!" Susan called; a smile on her face. "Come on! I've something to show you!" Peter exchanged glances with Edmund and they turned to head over to Susan. Behind her, a long black car pulled up and stopped. From it emerged a tall commodore with grey hair and a regal air. "This is Commodore Gloster, Caspian's uncle," she said softly, glancing around at the crowd of students.

"Uncle?" Edmund asked, shocked. "How the hell can he have an uncle? The man is from another world," he whispered in return, scowling.

Lucy came up behind Peter and Edmund, staring up at the commodore before her. "Susan," Peter muttered, pulling her aside. "Are you mad? Who is this man and how much does he know?"

Before Susan could answer, Lucy spoke up. "General?" she said kindly. "Oh, General, how good to see you again!" She smiled brightly, and then giggled, taking in his stripes. "I'm terribly sorry," she continued, "Commodore, of course!"

Peter swiveled his head to stare at the man before them. "General?" he whispered. "It is! How are you, sir?" Peter questioned uncertainly, offering a hand. The Commodore shook it gratefully. "It's a pleasure to see you again!"

"It is my honor, High King Peter," the Commodore said, a smile in place. "Perhaps I could give you a ride back to your home, and along the way we can discuss the basics of the plan that your industrious sister has spent the afternoon outlining with me."

"Of course," Edmund said, stepping up beside Peter. The oldest boy nodded his agreement and motioned Lucy ahead of them. They all six climbed into the long black car.

"As we are at war," the Commodore was saying, "I am not often in town. There has been a series of meetings that I was asked to attend this week, here in London, but my time is almost done. Soon I shall return to my vessel, and I do not know when I shall make another trip to London." Peter sat between Edmund and Lucy in the rear facing seat, while Susan sat between the Commodore and Caspian in the front facing seat. "But I will contact my solicitor this evening and explain that my estranged sister's son has come to stay with me. This will give him the ability to use my life as his background. My solicitor shall contact your school and arrange for him to be placed in a grade corresponding to his age."

Beside him, Susan spoke up, "He will be placed in classes that mirror your own, so that you may help him, Peter. I feel that this will be best for our cause." Peter nodded in agreement.

The Commodore shifted his gaze between Susan and Peter, then to Caspian. "My solicitor will have instructions to give you whatever you require. You shall want for nothing, my king," he said softly. "I will do all that I can to repay you my debts."

Caspian nodded to the Commodore, a smile on his face. Susan knew that Caspian had long since forgiven the General for his treason. The man had not been evil at heart, his true faith was to the crown and only through force was he able to follow Miraz's orders. Caspian knew this because he saw it over and over again throughout the wartime in Narnia. He trusted the Commodore's heart, and he knew that Aslan had placed them both in this situation.

"Does this story appeal to you, Peter?" Caspian asked, turning to look at the young man.

Peter glanced to Edmund and Lucy; they nodded. "I think it is a well executed. At least this way you have a plausible story and a time line."

The black sedan pulled up to the curb outside the Pevensies' house and the six of them stepped out. From next door, Mrs. Wright emerged in disbelief. "Children!" she exclaimed. "Has something happened?"

"Not at all, Mrs. Wright!" Susan replied quickly. "This is Commodore Gloster. He is the uncle of our new friend, Caspian." She rushed to explain, fearful that the woman would think there had been trouble on the way home from school. "Caspian was with us yesterday, do you remember?"

The older woman scrutinized Caspian, placing him in her mind's eye from her hurried memories from the day before. "Ah, yes," she said, a smile dawning, "Of course. Mrs. Kelly told me that you had a friend for dinner last night, as well. It is a pleasure to formally meet you, Mr…" she trailed off.

"Caspian Ten," Caspian replied without thinking.

"Tennyson!" Lucy barked out quickly. "Tennyson! Caspian Tennyson!"

"Well, Mr. Tennyson, Commodore," Mrs. Wright continued, not noticing the startled outburst of the youngest Pevensie. "I trust that the children are safe in your hands. I am off for the evening, then!" Without waiting for a response, the woman bustled off down the street.

Lucy and Susan exchanged a giggle as Peter led the way up the stairs. "It's a good thing that Mother and Father did not assign a more watchful guardian for us this month." Edmund snorted his agreement as Peter pushed open the door, allowing the other five to filter in behind him. "We would be in serious trouble if they had."

The children dropped their bags in the entry hall while Caspian ran up the stairs to fetch the clothes he had come in the day before. Susan watched him disappear. Once he was gone she turned to find the Commodore gazing at her. The three other siblings vanished into the parlor while Susan met the Commodore's gaze. "I will take good care of him, Queen Susan," he said.

"I still know how to use that bow and arrow, Commodore," Susan whispered. "The ability does not vanish as my royalty does."

The Commodore bowed his head to her. "Your royalty does not vanish, my Queen," he replied just as softly. "It is only hidden from those that do not know to look."


	7. Lost in Translation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it is the weekend, and Peter takes Caspian shopping in London.

Saturday morning dawned bright and true, a promising tribute to the events of the day before. Susan donned her robe and slippers before descending the stairs. The kitchen was normally vacant at this point in the morning, but this morning Peter was there. He sat on the counter munching on a piece of toast with preserves on it. Mrs. Kelly had dropped off peach preserves for them the evening before, after Susan's request. It was hard to come by certain things in this wartime, but preserves were generally easy to find. Mrs. Kelly made them from the produce from her daughter's trees and provided the children with whatever they liked.

"Do you think he is all right?" Peter asked, before Susan could speak. "I mean, the man did try to kill him in Narnia."

Susan went to the stove and pulled out a pan. "Yes," she replied. "But he was ordered to do it. I think that he regrets his actions enough to provide Caspian with a good life." She reached for the flour, eggs and milk. She stirred these together to form pancake batter while Peter watched silently. "Peter, what do you think of all of this?" Susan asked, glad that they were finally alone.

Her brother glanced up and met her eyes, his own eyes dark. "I'm not sure how I feel about it, Sue. I mean, we are all far older than we seem, and I believe that you deserve a chance at true happiness… But is Caspian the same man that he was, and if he is then was it the war that brought you together?"

She nodded silently, mulling this over in her head. It was true that wartime brought out emotions that no one expected. The taste of danger was intoxicating and the knowledge that any moment might be your last pushed people to emotions that they might never reach otherwise. Susan had told herself that over the last few weeks as she sat in her room thinking back on their time in Narnia.

"I suppose I can't do anything but wait," she whispered as she heated a pan on the stove. "Only time shall tell, I suppose." She poured the batter into the pan and reached for a spatula. "Do you suppose we're crazy for thinking it might work?"

"Susan," her brother replied, hopping of the counter. "A year ago I would have said it was crazy to believe that we could do any of the things that we have done since. I suppose anything is truly possible if you believe in it enough." He leaned over and kissed the top of Susan's head. "I've got some things that I must take care of. I'll be home by dinner, but probably not for lunch."

"Is everything all right?" his sister asked, concern filling her voice.

"Oh, yes," he replied, "I just need to complete some errands before dinner." He grabbed his satchel and a large leather bag of his fathers, as he headed for the rear door into the alleyway. "Tell Ed that I'll get him that new torch that he was talking about, too."

The door closed behind him, leaving Susan alone with her stove. Since her first return from Narnia she had poured herself into the kitchen. It was something that she had not done in Narnia, therefore she felt no ties to that place. Even at school there were reminders of Narnia and the time she had spent there. A daily visit to the archery range for her Exercise class evoked strong emotions in her for months after her first return. She had just begun to come to grips with the fact that she was a permanent Londoner when the horn had called them back. The more recent transition was easier on her; at least she felt that it was easier. She retreated into herself, drawing strength from within. Of course, this time was different. This time Narnia followed her home.

She glanced down and realized that she had made a dozen pancakes while her thoughts had jogged away. As she was placing them in a warming tray near the stove, she heard footsteps coming through the dining room and Lucy appeared in her own bathrobe. "Good morning," the girl said, coming across the room to look around Susan's shoulder. Susan scooped a pancake out of the pan and poured another in as Lucy grabbed a slice of bread. She spread preserves on it and hopped up on the counter that Peter had vacated. "Are you expecting to see Caspian today?" Lucy asked, munching on the bread.

"Perhaps," Susan replied. "I have been thinking about why Aslan might have been thinking when he sent Caspian here. You're closer to him than any of us ever were; what do you think?"

Lucy sat silently for a moment before biting into her bread again. She mulled it over, thinking hard. "It seems that Aslan might believe that there is something you both have to find here, otherwise he would have pulled you back to Narnia." She watched as Susan made several more pancakes. Finally she spoke again, "Do you want to go see him?"

Susan placed some pancakes on a plate and handed it to Lucy. "I don't think so, Lucy," she replied. "We may need some time to think."

"I know that you went into his room that night…" Lucy whispered. Susan's eyes widened and she swiveled to look at her. "I won't tell the boys, though. They wouldn't understand."

"Look, Lucy," Susan replied. "Nothing went on. I just wanted to talk to him about why he came here. I mean, suppose Aslan sent him here not because he believed we were destined to be, but to teach us something completely different?"

Her younger sister picked up a knife and fork, and said, "I'm not judging you, Susan. You're technically a grown woman, counting all those years in Narnia. And I am not a child to believe that things do not happen. I'm simply saying that if you need to talk, I am here."

Susan turned the stove off, moving the pan to the sink. "Sometimes I forget that you aren't a child any more than I am," she whispered into the sink. "I think about it constantly, Lu. I think about going back there, where there is no propriety, where people know us by our unity, and where we can do anything."

"We couldn't save Mr. Tumnus, or the Beavers."

Susan leaned against the counter beside her sister and took a plate for herself. "What makes you think that Mr. Tumnus and the Beavers did not live a long, wonderful life after we had gone? The Telemarines did not invade right away, after all."

"Yes," Lucy replied. "But what if they did not? What if they lived to fight the Telemarines and died?"

The older sister frowned as she cut a slice of pancake. "You cannot survive on  _what ifs_ , Lu," she replied. "You must have faith in the things you cannot know."

A long silence hung in the air of the kitchen as the two of them chewed pancakes. Finally, Lucy spoke, in a voice soft and light. "So, perhaps, you should have faith in what you and Caspian have and stop wondering whether is it destiny or not."

Susan stopped chewing, her fork inches from her plate. "Aw," she said, "Hush up, Lucy." Lucy grinned, placed her plate in the sink and vanished from the kitchen.

* * *

Peter stood on the corner, by the streetlight. He glanced around at the crowds of people. Even on an overcast and foggy day like today people were still out at the marketplace. Since the war, most of the department stores had converted to marketplaces for clothing exchange and rationing. The first three floors of the twelve story Harrods building had been donated to the government for the acceptance of ration stamps. Inside, you could expect to find clothes on the top two levels and food at the ground level as well as in the basement.

"Peter!" a voice called from across the street. Peter turned to wave to Caspian, who barely remembered to check the street before crossing. "Sorry I am so late. This town is very confusing. I went too far on the Underground."

The Londoner nodded, offering a hand to shake. "Understandable," he replied. "Well, this is Harrods. Before the war it was a huge department store, but now because of the war it's become a sort 

of bargain market." Caspian glanced around, taking in the people milling the streets around them. He had noticed the Pevensie's school uniforms that had been wearing, but the night that he had stayed in the house with them he had noticed that the clothes that they wore were older and faded. Now he saw a group of people moving around them that had similarly shabby clothing.

"So you come here and they make you clothes?" Caspian asked.

Peter bent down and scooped up the large satchel at his feet. "No," he replied, gesturing for Caspian to follow him. The interior of the Harrods building was moderately lit, and the bins and the shelves were stocked with food stuffs. "This is a ration store," Peter explained in a low voice. "We come here with our ration books and get things such as flour, sugar or meats. Upstairs are the fabric and clothing rations."

Caspian stepped around a young woman, not much older than Susan, with a baby on her hip. She was dressed a bit more dingily than the Pevensie children, and the child's clothes were a few sizes to big for him. She was haggling with a woman over the price of a loaf of bread. "You can get clothes with these pieces of paper that you have?" Caspian asked, watching another woman counting ration tickets.

Peter led him to the elevator and stepped in, Caspian followed. A man in a tattered gray elevator coachman coat waited to the right. "Second floor, please," Peter said to him. The man nodded and closed the gate. It traveled up slowly, shaking at first. Caspian reached out and gripped Peter's arm in shock. Peter chuckled to himself and whispered, "You're fine, relax."

The lift doors opened and Peter stepped out, bringing Caspian with him. Around them were bins of clothes and racks of clothes. There were shoes on shelves and hats on hooks. "In these times, we exchange old clothes that no longer fit for newer clothes that do fit. Fortunately, we are one of the more privileged families. Our father is of the military brand, much like the Commodore. Father is a colonel in the Royal Army, so we get a lot of clothes that way. Mother hasn't had to use a lot of the exchange clothes that we have saved." He held up the larger leather satchel. "I've brought some so that we can get you some clothes."

Caspian glanced around again. This level was not as crowded as the lower level, although there were a few shoppers perusing the bins. Peter strolled across the room to a rack of men's clothing. Caspian followed a few steps behind. "Peter," he said, "I've been meaning to ask you something and now that we are alone…" He trailed off, looking around sheepishly.

With a sigh, Peter turned to face him. "Look," he replied. "You're the one that showed up here. Did you even consider that Susan might not want to see you? Or that I would give my blessing on the 

spot?" He turned back to the bin. "I like you, Caspian, I like you fine. I will happily be your mate, but I will not just let you step up and hurt my sister."

The darker man frowned. "I did think of all of that," he replied, stepped up beside Peter to help him sort through the strange articles of clothing. "But I simply could not let an opportunity such as this slip away from me." Peter selected a pair of trousers and held them up the way he had seen his mother to it to Edmund. "What are you doing?" Caspian said, stepping away.

"I'm measuring, Caspian," he said. "Just to see if these might fit you."

"You wear other people's clothing?" Caspian asked, realization dawning in his face.

Peter slung the pants over his arm and turned back to the bin. "Yes, in times of war we do."

Caspian's eyes grew wide as he stared at the young man. "What is wrong with this place!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in exasperation. The few people in the store turned to stare at him as Peter awkwardly waved them away and pushed Caspian over to one of the boarded up windows. "You have machines that move rapidly and try to kill you when you cross streets! You travel underground on things called trains! Your house is boarded up like a tomb! You purchase used clothes and food with slips of paper! You live as paupers when you are royalty!" He glanced around at the dim light of the room.

"Caspian!" Peter whispered harshly. "You need to snap out of it! You think I don't know how difficult this is for you! I do! Until I stepped into Narnia two years ago I had no idea that beavers spoke and fawns existed! But I dealt with it!" He grabbed Caspian and pulled him away from the window, tugging him back toward the clothes bins. He shoved the trousers he was holding at the man and two more pairs that looked the same size. "Go try these on, I'll find some shirts." Without another word, Caspian headed off in the direction that Peter had pointed, holding the trousers.

* * *

The fog of London was as thick as water, bringing premature dusk to Finchley. Susan sat in the parlor, mending a pair of Edmund's most worn trousers when Peter and Caspian came around the corner. She straightened up in her chair and flung her hair over her shoulder, turning her head to watch the door from the corner of her eye.

Peter swung the door open, leading Caspian in. "Susan! I'm home!" he called before noticing her in the window seat. "Oh, there you are," he continued. "We couldn't find a tailor that was in today. Do you think you can find one of those school uniforms that Mother has hidden from me?"

"One of the new ones?" Susan asked, rising to her feet and setting the pants aside. "You're not supposed to wear one of those until your current ones are done in."

Peter rolled his eyes. "Come on, Sue," he groaned. "It isn't for me, it's for him."

Susan glanced to Caspian and nodded. "All right, I'll go get them." She turned and began to move upstairs to her parents' bedroom. She was about halfway up when the air raid sirens began. She froze and turned back to Peter. He bolted up the stairs as Susan shouted, "Lucy! Edmund! Get down here!"

Peter flew past her as she spun on her heel and raced down the stairs. She grabbed Caspian's arm and pulled him toward the backyard door. Above them she heard Peter running down the hall to Lucy's room. As she and Caspian burst from the back door the first bomb dropped, shaking the earth beneath their feet. Susan lost her footing, stumbling to the ground; Caspian caught her deftly and brought her back up. Ten feet away, at the border to their lot, was an Anderson shelter that their father built. Above them, Lucy screamed.

"Lucy!" Susan screamed, turning back to the house. Another bomb dropped, sending both Susan and Caspian reeling. They were getting closer. Lucy came flying from the back door and practically collided with Susan, who was fighting against Caspian as he tried to drag her to the shelter. Moments later Peter and Edmund came running from the house. The five of them rushed into the shelter and Susan slammed the door.

"What was that?" Caspian demanded, his eyes wide, his breathing heavy.

"Those weapons of war I mentioned," Susan said, pulling Lucy into an embrace. Lucy buried her face in Susan's arms as the earth around them shook again, more violently. "I think you'll find our world a more savage place than you first believed."


	8. In Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Caspain figures out what war on this side means, and Susan gets angry with a guard.

Their Anderson shelter was a ten by eight, six foot tall corrugated steel building that housed no more than six, and often allowed space for the army issued steel bunks beds. The children's father had installed the beds while they had been away at Professor Kirke's, since he had wanted to bring them home as soon as he was able. The shelter provided them with the safety that they needed to live in the city.

Lucy lay on the top bunk of one of the beds, her play dress tucked up around her knees. It had gotten cold since they had stumbled into the shelter, and Peter's jacket was not quite large enough to cover her whole body. Susan wrapped her sweater tighter around her and checked Lucy's regular breathing. She was still asleep. Caspian had been watching her carefully, and her hands had been shaking for nearly forty minutes.

"Sue," Peter whispered, "It's been an hour since the last bomb. Do you think we should head in now?"

Susan glanced to Edmund where he sat; playing with the torch that Peter had brought in his satchel. "I suppose it would be safe," she replied. "It seems to be over." Edmund stood up as Peter reached to wake Lucy. The girl rolled off of the bed and into his arms easily. Susan opened the door as Lucy got to her feet. The older sister led the way across the dark yard, Edmund's torch lighting the way. Caspian tagged along in the rear, his eyes fixed on the skies.

Once inside the house, Lucy stumbled to the couch in the parlor as Edmund headed out to the front courtyard. The houses along the street towered over them, all except the house across the street and six doors down. It was ablaze with fire. "Look!" Edmund yelled, "The Nolan house got hit!"

"Oh, no!" Susan exclaimed, as she burst from the front door. "Come on, we have to help!" Before anyone could stop her she pushed open the garden gate and rushed down the street, her coat flying out behind her. Caspian and Peter glanced to each other and bolted after her, leaving Edmund standing in the enclosure. With a roll of his eyes, Edmund followed them, grumbling along the way.

Susan skid to a stop in front of the burning house, nearly colliding with Audrey Nolan, the eldest daughter. "Are you all right?" Susan asked, reaching out to grab her arm. The girl nodded. "Is everyone out?" she continued.

"Yes," Audrey replied, never taking her eyes off of the burning house. "Our shelter was flooded, so we were with the Murdocks tonight. Mother is in the City, I hope she's all right." Peter and Caspian arrived a moment behind Susan, staring up at the flames erupting from the house.

Susan reached over and placed her arm around Audrey's shoulders. "I'm sure she's fine," she said. Caspian turned to watch her comfort the girl. She could not be older than Lucy, and behind her the two younger sisters stood, one eight and the other four. Susan stood taller than Audrey, who slightly into Susan, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. Sirens began to wail from down the street, and Peter and Caspian both turned to see the fire brigade coming up the avenue with Edmund framed by the streetlights. The young man jogged up beside them and stopped, staring up at the flames.

"Perhaps we should move across the street and let the brigade come in," Edmund said, gesturing behind them. Susan nodded and moved away from Audrey. Audrey reached for the elder sister's hand while Susan scooped up the four year old. Caspian and Peter gestured for the girls to move in front of them as more people gathered in the street.

The fire brigade pulled up to the sidewalk and several men jumped off the truck. Safely across the street, Caspian turned to watch Susan, who stood erect with the child crying in her arms. Her face was grimy from the ash and soot and he could see the tracks that her silent tears had made down her cheeks as she watched the home burn merrily in the dark of the night. He found his heart beating faster. Even when faced with someone else's plight, she still showed the care that she had shown for those she loved in Narnia.

He was so captivated by her expression of grief for this young girl that he did not hear Peter calling his name. Finally, Caspian felt Peter's hand clamp down on his arm and the man turned. "I said, hey Caspian, don't you think you should get home? The streets are going to be mayhem after the blitz." Susan did not move from her spot beside Audrey, but she glanced at him and nodded.

Caspian nodded to Peter and made his way over to Susan. "Can I come see you tomorrow?" he whispered. The girl in Susan's arms was silently staring at him.

"We have church in the morning, but we'll be home around lunch," Susan replied softly, tearing her eyes from the burning house.

"Will I go to church?" Caspian asked quietly, looking from Susan to Peter.

With a sigh, Peter nodded. "I'll pick you up tomorrow morning, you'll come with us." Susan nodded to him and turned away to look back at the burning building.

The two men turned away and began to walk down the street as Susan turned back to call, "Oh, Caspian! I'll have that uniform Peter was talking about tomorrow!" Caspian turned back and nodded, and Susan could not help but notice how his gaze lingered on her.

As Peter and Caspian vanished around the corner, a woman came running from the opposite direction. "Audrey!" she screamed. "Rachel! Darcy! Audrey!" She ran straight at them. "Oh, thank God!" she sobbed. "Oh, thank god!" Susan hurriedly handed the youngest, Darcy, to her while Audrey burst into fresh sobs. Edmund stepped back, obviously uncomfortable. Susan watched for a moment and then gestured for Edmund to head back to the house before heading off behind him. As she got a few feet away, she turned back. "Mrs. Nolan," she said, "If you and your daughters need a place to stay tonight, don't hesitate to come to us. My parents are away, but I'm sure that they would want you to be safe tonight."

"Thank you, Susan," Mrs. Nolan replied. She was a woman of about thirty, not much older than Susan was in Narnia. Her husband had joined the military at the start of the war and had only been home once in those long years. She had begun working in a factory a year before, just to keep her children in their house. "You are truly a dear," she continued.

The girl offered a wan smile. "The offer is open, no matter what time you get everything sorted," she finished. The woman nodded, still holding her daughters close to her. Susan nodded once more and followed Edmund into the house.

* * *

Susan was sitting on the window seat of the parlor, with all the lights off when Peter came up the walk. He opened the door, but did not turn on the light. "Peter," she called from where she sat. He stepped in through the archway as he shrugged out of his jacket. "I've been thinking, do you suppose that Caspian should really come to church with us tomorrow?"

He strolled over and plopped down in one of the chairs by the cold fireplace. Susan preferred to sit in the open windows, and the lights could not be on without the blackout curtains closed. "I don't really know," he answered. "It's been really rough on him the past few days, and he broke down in the market this afternoon."

"If we go to Caspian tomorrow and we don't go to church, Mrs. Wright will be over here as soon as service ends to be sure we are not dead in our beds," Susan mused.

Peter moved over to sit closer to her. "Well," he said, "I suppose Mrs. Wright would come over to check if all of us are missing. But suppose only one of us were missing, say with a headache?" Susan frowned at him. "I'm sure that she would not question you staying home to nurse a headache."

"You would have me skip church to spend the morning with Caspian?" she demanded, stunned.

Peter rolled his eyes at her as he reached around her to pull the blackout curtains closed. "Church is really just about going through the motions for us, Sue. We spent fifteen years without it." He looked down and saw bright blue eyes burning up at him, those same blue eyes that had pleaded and begged their way through two wars in Narnia, and several years of royal choices. She had always been his guiding light, his voice of reason. "Are you going to talk me out of this, Sue?" he asked, taking a step back.

"No," she replied, softly, "I know which battles to fight and which to walk away from." She rose to her feet and made her way to the staircase in the hallway. "I'll pick up Caspian tomorrow morning. But sooner or later we'll have to figure out what to do with him. I can't have a headache forever." She vanished up the stairs, leaving Peter alone in the room.

* * *

The gates to the Commodore's manor house were closed and bolted when Susan strolled up. A young guard came to the fence line as she reached out for the gate lock. "Hello," she said to him, offering a smile. "I'm here to see Caspian. He's expecting me."

The guard scowled at her, taking in her threadbare gray and brown striped dress. She had pulled her hair back in the wings that she had grown accustomed to and pinned them back. "Do you have an appointment?" the guard asked.

"He's expecting me," Susan repeated.

"I'm afraid that I can't let you in without an appointment."

Susan glared at him with astonishment. "I said that he was expecting me, what more can you want?" she demanded.

"I highly doubt that you are-"

He was cut short as Caspian came running down the path, his mop of hair in his eyes. "Susan!" he called. "Good to see you!" He skidded to stop on the opposite side of the gate as he turned to the guard. "This is Susan Pevensie. Anytime that she comes to this gate you are to let her in, no questions asked. Do you understand?" The guard nodded sharply and unlocked the gate. Susan stepped inside and took Caspian's arm. With one last glance over her shoulder at the guard, Susan allowed herself to be led up the walkway to the house. "Don't mind them," he whispered to her, "They are under orders not to let anyone in unless they are on a list of sorts. I told them Peter was coming by, but you are always a welcome surprise."

He opened the door and they stepped into the foyer. Nothing had changed since her last visit, but this time there was Commodore to accompany them. Caspian motioned for her to step into the parlor, following behind her silently. "Where is the Commodore at this hour?," Susan asked.

"He left this morning for his vessel. He left the name of his solicitor, he is to contact me later this afternoon in regards to my education," Caspian replied.

"Oh, yes," Susan replied, reaching into her satchel. She brought out a package wrapped in brown paper. "Here is the school uniform Peter asked me to give him. After classes this week we shall see about having one made for you. Until then, this will suffice, I dare say." Caspian nodded and took the package.

"Thank you", he replied, taking the package. "I'll just run this up to my room and grab my jacket, and then we can head off to church."

Susan cleared her throat as Caspian turned to jog away from her. "Peter and I thought that a few hours in church would weigh heavily on you, considering what we know about Narnian beliefs, as well as what we do not know about Telemarine beliefs. We believed that for today I should keep you company instead of attending with my family. Perhaps it would be better for you to have a relaxing day before attending a school in our world, and-" Caspian came across the room and placed a hand to her rapidly moving lips.

"You're babbling, Susan," he whispered. Her eyes widened above his hand and she nodded. "I thank you for your concern and I gratefully agree." He removed his hand, leaving the scent of his soap surrounding her. "Well, what will you have us do today?"

Susan glanced to the front windows, which looked out at the expanse of green lawn and the monstrous gates guarded by armed men. She did not want to be out walking the streets on Sunday, when all sensible young women were in church, especially not with a young man that could not be traced anywhere but to a Commodore's house and nowhere else. However, with Caspian standing so close to her she was distinctly aware of the fact that they were alone in an empty house.

"Perhaps the Commodore has a garden that we could explore? It is such a beautiful day outside," she said, her voice slightly above a whisper.

Seeming to sense her discomfort, Caspian took a step back from Susan and nodded. "Yes," he replied. "I'll get my jacket and we will see what the Commodore has done with his topiaries."

* * *

Sunlight streamed down through the oak tree leaves and fell across Susan's dark brown curls. Caspian leaned against the tree trunk as he watched her sitting on the bench a few feet from him. Her face was tilted back and she was gazing up at a squirrel in the tree above their heads; Caspian could not tear his eyes away from her. Soft yellow rays spilled across the bridge of her nose, bringing out the sprinkling of freckles that played across her cheeks. She wore a striped day dress with a light sweater and black stockings, her jacket discarded on the path ten feet away. It was easy for Caspian to squint his eyes and blur the surroundings to imagine her in Narnia.

"You are truly stunning," he whispered, surprising even himself.

His whispered comment caught her off-guard and she blushed a faint pink. "Caspian," she warned, the corners of her lips turning up.

"You would have me lie to you?" Caspian asked, "You would have me not say such things when I think them?" He stepped away from the tree and closer to her. "You cannot expect me not to think such things, Susan."

She did not recoil as he sat beside her, reaching for her hand. She accepted it openly, enjoying the feel of his skin on hers. "There is so much that you don't understand," Susan whispered. "Everything that has happened in the last sixteen years is just overwhelming when I think back on it." She looked at him, her blue eyes filled with tears. "I spent fifteen years of my life wishing that there was some chance for me to fall in love. I mean the only humans in Narnia were my siblings. I thought that I would never see my parents again, for all I knew they had died in this miserable war." She stood up, she knew she was babbling again, but this time Caspian did not move to stop her. He was transfixed by her voice, staring up at her.

"I never thought I would have a chance to fall in love with anyone, and then I did! Back in Narnia!" She threw her hands up in the air and tossed her head back. "As if that weren't ironic enough!" She cried, continuing, "I come home with the distinct impression that I will never see that man again and resign myself to falling out of love with him! But!" She spun to point at Caspian, her hair falling loose of its barrettes. "Before I get the chance to do that, he walks back into my life! In the middle of the same war that I thought was over!" She gave a hysterical laugh and turned away from him. After a deep breath she covered her mouth and let out a strangled cry of disbelief. She started to gasp for air when Caspian crossed the distance between them and swept her up. "I'm sorry," she sobbed, turning her face from him. "I don't know what came over me."

"Susan," he said. "I'm familiar with breakdowns, I had one yesterday." He held her up as she got her breath back. She clung to him, her hair damp from exertion. She sighed and sagged against him as he sank to the gravel path. Susan folded her legs under her, ignoring the rocks that dug into her knees. Caspian sat cross-legged on the ground, his hands still draped around Susan's shoulders.

The two of them sat there for several long moments, neither speaking, only the sound of Susan's breathing keeping them company. When her breathing had stabilized and she had calmed herself into taking normal gulps of air, Caspian dropped his hands from her arms. He leaned back against his palms, gazing up at the clouds.

"So," he said, finally. "You are in love with me."

Susan began to laugh, throwing her head back and letting her curls tumble over her back.


	9. Heart to Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan misses church and they get Caspian enrolled in school.

Susan had laughed until her sides ached, a deep cleansing laugh. When at last it subsided, she collapsed on the grass beside the path in which Caspian had set them. She splayed her arms and crossed her ankles, sighing with relief into the open sky. Caspian was still leaned back on his palms, watching her. She clasped her hands behind her head and gave a few concluding chuckles before a deeper sigh. Finally she spoke, her voice soft in reflection. "I suppose I do, sir," she said into the sky. "But what can we do?" She sat up. "There is still the matter of the differences in this world to yours. We are still considered far too young-" She was cut off as Caspian appeared over her, his hair in his eyes.

With a smile Susan reached up to brush hair from her face. "You're ruining the moment, Susan," he whispered, pulling her up. He placed his hand at the base of her neck and tilted her head back slightly. She gazed up at him, sparkling blue eyes half-lidded in the bright light. He brought his lips to hover over hers, and then paused. He lingered for a moment, inches from her lips, and smiled softly. "I knew that I had made the right choice, coming here," he whispered. He brought his lips to hers, as she slid her arms around his neck. His hands fell around her waist and he held her gingerly against him for a single, unbelievable moment. Light flared before Susan's eyes and she sighed happily against the warm softness of his mouth.

Then, as if by an unspoken agreement, they both pulled away at the same time. Caspian reached up to brush a rogue strand of hair from Susan's eyes and Susan reached up to take his hand in hers. "We should go," she whispered. With a nod, he offered an arm. Together in silence they made their way back through the topiary garden that they had been exploring.

* * *

As the sun reached its zenith Susan and Caspian made their way around the house to the front enclosure of the lawn. The guard saw them coming and moved to unbar the gate. As they drew closer Susan noticed that it was not the same young man that had given her such a difficult time a few hours before. She also noticed as they passed the man and exited the gate that word moved quickly in the Commodore's house. "Mr. Tennyson, Miss Pevensie," the guard said, bowing his head. Caspian nodded to the guard and followed Susan from the grounds.

Once the gate slammed behind them, Caspian offered his arm to Susan. The streets were filled with people traveling from church as Susan and Caspian made their way to the Underground. "Peter asked us to meet him at Finchley Central," Susan added. "There isn't much to do on a Sunday, so we're going to head back to the house. I believe that Peter wants to explain the school to you before tomorrow morning."

Caspian followed Susan down the stairs into the station. The platform was not filled with people, though it was smattered with groups traveling from their location. Susan strolled to the bench nearest to her and sat down. Caspian remained standing beside her. From the far end of platform Susan heard a familiar voice mingling with others. The group of boys emerged from behind a small family, wearing brand new, custom sewn clothing. Susan shrank back into the alcove, but Caspian either did not notice them or did not recognize them.

However, Jonathan recognized him. Susan sensed rather than saw the choice that Jonathan made as he turned his posse toward them. She leaned further into the shadow of the alcove and sighed inwardly. Still, Caspian did not glance in the young man's direction.

It was not until Jonathan was practically on top of them that Susan noticed the tension in Caspian's limbs. To the outside observer Caspian was relaxed against the wall of the underground, but to Susan he was a tightly coiled weapon waiting to strike. Jonathan brought with him a group of three young men, all of them snickering behind him.

"What are you doing here?" Jonathan asked, poking Caspian in the shoulder.

With a sigh, Caspian replied, "Travelling, and yourself?"

"You're not so tough by yourself," the young man retorted, jabbing him again.

"I do not need an army to defeat you," Caspian said, shifting his gaze to the man's face.

Susan rose to her feet, feeling the tremors of the train approaching. "We should go, Caspian," she whispered, touching his arm.

Jonathan cut his gaze to Susan, then back to Caspian, and then returned it to Susan. "Where's your brother?" he retorted, glancing around. For a moment, Susan thought she saw one of his friends pale. The train flew into the station, sending up a spray of paper pieces that were splayed across the tile. Caspian allowed Susan to slide her arm through his and took a step toward Jonathan.

"Excuse me," he said frostily, glaring down at the younger man. "I have a meeting to get to." Jonathan did not indicate that he was going to move, leaving Caspian and Susan at a standstill. Caspian was not swayed; he gathered Susan in front of him and guided her around Jonathan. As the two of them stepped onto the train, Caspian turned back. "One day we shall battle and then we will discover who is the man," he raked his gaze over Jonathan's sparkling new clothes. "And who is the coward."

The doors slid shut, once again leaving Jonathan and his cronies without a ride. "It's amazing they get anywhere," Susan muttered. "Ever."

* * *

The remains of dinner sat lifelessly on plates. Susan had managed to pull together a rather nice meal from the meats that Peter scrounged up at the market the day before. Now the five of them sat around the table while Peter explained the dynamics of their school days.

"So, you do not attend classes together?" Caspian questioned, glancing around.

"No," Peter replied. "Susan and Luce go to our sister school, but a different campus. There aren't any integrated classes."

Edmund took a sip of tea and sighed. "Sometimes we get a glimpse of them during our physical education classes, since we share the field." He winked at Caspian, "It's the best hour of the day."

Susan laughed, reaching for the teapot. "That's only because you get to see Eleanor," she retorted, grinning at him. Edmund shot her a look, and she could not help but giggle.

"I would not worry too much about classes," Peter continued, glaring at his siblings. "You and I are close enough in age that we will most likely end up in the same classes. I'll be there to help you. But I would suggest trying to avoid answering questions on history, science and current events for awhile. We will help you with that as we go along."

As Susan rose to her feet, the air raid sirens began. Lucy and Edmund bolted to their feet as Peter and Caspian pushed back from their seats. Susan was already halfway out of the room, gathering jackets in her hands. As her siblings filed out behind her she handed off a jacket to each. Caspian brought up the rear, offering to help her into her own jacket.

Without a word spoken, they moved as a unit to the back door. On impulse, Susan glanced into the parlor and noticed that the blackout curtains were open. She darted in, causing Caspian to stop short. Peter spun, calling, "Susan! What are you doing?"

"I have to shut the blackout curtains!" She shouted back. "Get them to the shelter, I'll be right behind you." Caspian froze in the doorway, torn between getting the younger Pevensies out and watching over Susan.

As she pulled the curtains closed she heard the unfamiliar continuous whine of the all clear siren. Caspian glanced to her, uncertainty in his eyes. "What is that?" he asked.

"It's the all clear," Susan replied. "It must have been a false alarm." Moments later the rest of the siblings filed in. "That was strange," she said, turning to Peter. "Do you think it is really over?"

He looked to his siblings. "I don't really know, but I think we should call it a night anyway. Caspian," he turned to the man, "You should make your way home, and stay to the Underground. If another raid starts it will be the safest place for you." He stepped forward and shook his hand. "I trust you can find your way home?"

"Of course," Caspian replied, a smile in place. "And we are meeting at my Underground stop tomorrow morning?"

"Seven thirty," Peter replied, stepping back to allow Caspian access to the front door.

Hesitating, Caspian cast a glance at Susan. Peter shifted his eyes to Susan and saw he watching Caspian as well. Peter glanced between the two of them and then turned to Lucy and Edmund, saying "Perhaps we should go clear the table." Edmund looked like he was going to argue when his eyes shifted to Susan and Caspian. He nodded, leading the way back into the dining room.

Alone, Susan and Caspian stood in silence. It had been easy to slip back into the family unit once they had returned to it, but alone together it was the garden that they recalled. "I will not see you tomorrow," he whispered.

"You will, but it will not be for long. I dare say that you will enjoy classes with Peter, it will be an adventure." She reached up and brushed a stray hair from his face, and added in a whisper, "I'm still not sure why you are here, but I am glad you are."

Caspian bent down and lightly kissed Susan's lips, a smile in place. "I shall see you tomorrow, my Queen," he replied, then turned toward the door.

Once the front door had closed behind him, Susan sank down onto the nearest chair and dropped her head into her hands. She focused on the hardwood floor of the empty parlor, listening to the silence outside. Only through her scrutiny of the silence did she notice the soft padding of Lucy's footsteps as they entered the room.

Susan did not glance up, but her eyes darted to the doorway. Lucy wore no shoes, but her knee socks were blaringly white against the dark wood of the floorboards. "How have you been?" she asked softly, stopping in the door. When her sister did not answer Lucy took another step. "Do you need to talk about anything?" Lucy asked. When once again met by silence she moved closer. "Do you remember when we would sit in our bedrooms and discuss how we wished that there were more humans in Narnia? How we would talk about what it would be like to fall in love so completely? Do you remember being happy?"

"Oh, Lucy," Susan whispered, lifting her eyes. "We've drifted apart, haven't we?"

"No," the younger girl replied, finally reaching Susan. "We just got too young to talk." A smile tugged at her lips as Susan lifted her gaze. "But that can always be remedied!"

"When did you get so smart, Lu?" Susan asked.

"It comes with age," Lucy replied, grinning. "What's on your mind?"

Susan shifted her gaze to the blackout curtains. "I told him that I was in love with him," she whispered. Lucy nodded, sliding into a chair beside her sister. "But that doesn't change the fact that I have no idea how to tell Mother and Father. I mean, how can we explain it?"

"I don't think that we should worry about Mother and Father, Sue. If this is important to you, they will listen." Susan turned to meet Lucy's eyes. "Don't worry," Lucy sighed. "We'll figure it out." She placed a hand lightly on Susan's and continued, "Now, how did you tell him that you were in love with him? Tell me everything! Leave nothing out!"

"Oh," Susan said laughing, a light, merry laugh that washed over Lucy like a salve, stealing away all the pain of the last year. "It was terrible, Luce! We were in the garden, and I began babbling endlessly!" As she began to recount the moments in Caspian's garden, Lucy settled back into the chair. Things were changing in Finchley, but even the hawk-sighted Susan or the foreseeing Lucy would not know until it was upon them.


	10. All's Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan has archery and a sword fight breaks out.

Words swam off the page as Susan peered at her Literature book. The room was stuffy; it's windows boarded up and the air stale in the students' mouths. All around her was a strong silence that allowed the professor's words to rebound along the walls and echo in their ears. Susan imagined that if she listened hard enough she could hear the individual letters bouncing back at her. In the desk next to her there sat a girl that Susan had never spoken to. They had sat next to each other for nearly four months, but they had never spoken. Of course, Susan knew her name and by sight, but she knew nothing else of her.

The girl had long, honey blonde hair with astonishingly ice blue eyes. She held herself erect, which was not uncommon, and when she spoke it was with cool intellect. Susan had sat beside her and always felt as though she were in her shadow. Today, however, Susan sat a bit taller in her chair. Her long auburn hair cascaded over one shoulder and her blue eyes sparkled with more fire. Today was the first day that the girl beside her seemed dulled.

When the class was dismissed for physical education, the girl came to Susan's side."You are Susan Pevensie, right?" she asked in voice as soft as her complexion. When Susan nodded the girl smiled and offered a hand. "Cecily Marin," she continued.

"Hello, Cecily," Susan replied, taking the girl's hand lightly.

"Can you believe Professor Lawson wants us to read three chapters by tomorrow?" Cecily asked, laughing.

Susan tilted her head to the left and gazed at Cecily. She had been so wrapped up in daydreams that she had not heard the homework. "That's insane," she offered halfheartedly.

"I knew you were not listening!" Cecily giggled, linking arms with Susan companionably. "You are usually completely focused on the professor, but today something is different!"

The show of friendship was uncommon for Susan, who rarely spoke to anyone but her siblings. She found herself radically uncomfortable with the proximity of the girl beside her, but could not find the words to express her uneasiness. Cecily smiled a brilliant smile, blinding Susan momentarily. "Come on, now," Cecily giggled. "What is it?" Susan was astonished at Cecily's impetuous attitude as she pushed at her.

All of that faded away as the girls burst through the doors and onto the fitness field. At the opposite end stood the elder classes of boys, and Susan's eyes immediately found Caspian's dark hair towering over most of the other boys. Beside him stood Peter, arms crossed nonchalantly on his chest, eyes focused lightly on the fencing instructor. Susan saw Caspian's eyes dart to her and he grinned broadly at her, nodding slightly in her direction. Cecily followed Susan's gaze and her eyes widened. Caspian's eyes were locked on Susan until Peter glanced over and elbowed the man in the ribs. Caspian jumped and turned back to the teacher.

Susan turned away, putting the fencing class behind her. "So, Susan, why don't you join me this afternoon? A few of us are taking the Underground to City Centre," Cecily said. She looped her arm through Susan's. "Why have we not spoken before today?" Cecily asked.

"Susan! Cecily! Choose a bow!" their archery instructor called from across the yard, saving Susan from finding a polite way to send Cecily away.

Susan immediately chose her favorite yew longbow and grabbed a handful of arrows. She was anxious to get away from Cecily and her bombardment of questions, but Cecily followed her down the length of the archery field and staked out a place next to her.

"What do you say?" Cecily asked, a hint of honey in her voice.

Susan drew her lace back and let it go, watching the arrow sail through the air, straight into the heart of the target at forty paces.

* * *

Across the field, Caspian and Peter stood side by side in the group facing the fencing instructor. He stood all in white, holding a foil in his hands. "As you all know, fencing is a gentleman's art. It has been taught at this school, and many others, for many years. But often very little is said about the origin of fencing, sword combat." He lifted the foil high, holding it before him and gazed at the tip. "It is a brutish show of sword play, often less exact than fencing. Unlike fencing, in which a duel ends after first blood, sword combat was commonly fought until death." He turned and placed the foil in a rack behind him. He bent at the waist and pulled out a large black bag with several hilts sticking out of it. He pulled one out, holding it lengthwise in front it him. "These weapons are much heavier and require less finesse, but perhaps more skill. These weapons were harder to use, harder to stop, and more than often used only in a battle in which two parties attempted to kill each other." He reached down and picked up another. "Who is first?" he asked, grinning.

Peter's hand shot up, almost without his knowledge. Beside him, Caspian did the same. The instructor's eyebrow arched. "Interesting combination Mr. Pevensie, Mr. Tennyson!" He motioned them forward. The two men made their way through the crowd together until they reached the swords. As Peter wrapped his hands around the hilt he felt his heartbeat race. He was truly home with a sword in his hand. He reached out and held the sword at arms length. It tipped slightly toward the hilt. His instructor watched curiously as he re-gripped the hilt and held it tightly, making small crisscross motions in the air as he learned the balance of the pommel.

Beside him, Caspian sighed, pulling the sword from its sheath and glancing at it. The blade was not sharp, as he had expected. The blade outweighed the pommel, and he knew he had to compensate with his balance of the blade. He knew it for what it was. It was a sparring tool, not designed to cut flesh. But in his hands, it felt like Deep Magic.

The two men moved as one to the sparring field, surrounded by their classmates. Caspian stood to one side of the sparring field while Peter moved to the other. In a single moment their eyes met over the dull metal of the swords they gripped. The next second they were charging each other, metal clanging against metal. The two men connected violently, swinging the blades against each other. Peter blocked Caspian as he lunged against him. Caspian deflected and came back again, even stronger. Beyond them moved the class, surging and purging in unison, away from the moving blades. Their instructor watched with hawk-like interest, gauging the way that they interacted.

Without warning, Peter broke through the circle and retreated as Caspian beat him back. They charged their way across the field, meeting blow for blow. Finally, Peter turned the tables, deflecting Caspian's blade from the charge and pushing him down. Caspian went down on one knee, holding his sword steady with both hands. The instructor yelled for a respite, but it fell on deaf ears. Peter beat Caspian down until the darker man tucked and rolled from underneath his blade. With a spring Caspian was back up, dealing blow for blow against Peter. Sweat rolled down the forehead and fell to the ground as Caspian pushed him back toward the group.

The instructor moved to jump between them but the two men moved in unison to cut him off. There was no one in the world but them. Caspian spun, aiming for Peter's torso, but the blunt edge of the blade glanced off the straight edge of Peter's waiting sword. The clang that followed caused many of the surrounding students to clamp their hands over their ears. But Peter and Caspian were not put off, they pushed further, out to the cricket field where another group was playing. They scrambled across the green of the field, metal clanging sharply.

Boys dodged out of the way, running with their hands over their heads. Peter ducked a forceful swing and rolled away as Caspian brought the sword down hard. It sank into the soft turf of the cricket field, leaving Caspian unprotected for a moment. It was all Peter needed, he swung, bringing the tip to Caspian neck. Caspian's eyes shifted up to him, cold and dark. "Pevensie," he breathed. Peter's gaze locked on him. "That was great," Caspian finished. Beside him, Peter dropped the sword, letting it fall by the wayside. "I can't believe you beat me!" he finished, leaning down and taking a deep breath.

"Well, you are sixty years older than me," Peter whispered.

"Really you're twelve hundred and forty years older than me," Caspian retorted.

The rest of the class merged around them as Peter glared at him. "Shut up," he replied with a grin.

Through the group came the instructor, he was red-faced and out of breath from yelling. "What were you two thinking? You could have killed each other!" He reached down and yanked Caspian up from the ground. "I have no idea who you are, but this is not acceptable! And you," he shouted, turning to Peter. "This is the last straw! When I say stop, I mean stop immediately! I do not mean run the length of the field while trying to kill each other!"

Peter finally looked around and realized that they were no longer on the cricket field. The class was crowded around them on the edge of the archery field. In the background Peter could see Susan, standing on her toes to see him. Beside him, Caspian was also glancing around. His eyes fell on Susan the same time as Peter's, and he shrugged.

Across the way, Susan shook her head in disdain and let her last arrow fly. Without looking she had driven it right into the center of the target. Beside her Cecily turned to glance to the target and her hand flew to her mouth. "How did you do that?" Cecily demanded.

Susan was not really paying attention to Cecily; her eyes were secured to Caspian. "Practice," she replied. "Lots of practice." She watched as the fencing instructor led Peter and Caspian inside the school. "I need more arrows," Susan said, brushing past Cecily. "Excuse me."

* * *

Mathematics droned on for far longer than Susan was prepared for. All around her was talk of her brother fighting the dark newcomer with a combat sword. When the instructor finally dismissed them, Susan was one of the first ones out the door. She had snatched her books up and made for the door as quickly as propriety would allow. She was hoping to escape before Cecily could swoop down on her as she had after geography and history. Susan just could not understand why the girl would not leave her in peace; she had given no sign of wanting a friendship.

Out in the hallway, Susan merged quickly with the girls moving toward the door. In her blazer she felt as though she blended in. She moved faster through the crowd, aiming for the bright sunlight through the doors, hoping that she could make a break for the Underground. Behind her she felt

someone tug on her blazer sleeve, but she did not turn, she tucked her head and elbowed through a group of younger girls. The tugging on her sleeve grew more persistent, but still she did not turn. It was not until she was almost to the door that the hand on her sleeve grabbed her hand and yanked. She rounded on the girl, ready to face her down and found Lucy standing beside her.

"What is wrong, Susan?" Lucy demanded, flushed from running after her. "You were practically dragging me!"

Susan reached out and snatched Lucy's hand, pulling her into an alcove as a group of girls went surging past. She watched as Cecily glided by, scanning the crowd ahead of her. "This girl, Cecily Marin, is trying to befriend me!" Susan gasped out.

For a long moment, Lucy stared at her sister. Finally she burst out laughing. "Susan, you make it sound like she is trying to poison you!" she said, giggling.

Susan leaned out to check the hallway, Cecily was almost to the door. "It was," she paused as she glanced back to Lucy. "Unnatural." Lucy crossed her arms and glared at her. "No, Lucy. You cannot understand. I did nothing to initiate it, she just came up to me and suddenly she was my best friend." She leaned back out and saw that Cecily had vanished through the door. "She's gone. We should go meet the boys."

"The boys!" Lucy groaned, slapping her hand on her forehead. "Did you hear what they did today?" she demanded, huffing.

With a nod, Susan led her from their hiding spot. "I was there," she replied. "I do not want to talk about it." They stepped into the hallway amidst a small group of remaining girls. They moved toward the doors. "How was your day?" Susan asked, attempting light conversation.

"Lindsay Brighton passed me a note in mathematics to tell me that Peter got into a sword fight with a man that no one knew," Lucy exclaimed, exasperated. "A sword fight, Susan!"

"I know," Susan barked. "I was there. I saw the whole thing! He and Caspian just attacked each other. The instructor was yelling for them to stop and they paid no mind to him." They stepped through the door and Susan stopped dead in her tracks. "Why will this girl not leave me alone?" Susan demanded, gesturing to where Caspian, Peter and Edmund waited. Looking in that direction Lucy found a petite blonde girl standing with them. She was laughing at something that one of them said, and she was gazing up at Caspian with heavy lids.

The two girls marched down the stairs and across the yard of the school. Caspian glanced up and caught Susan's eye; he smiled. Susan did not smile in return. "Hello, Cecily," she said icily. "What can I do for you?"

The girl turned; a broad smile in place. Lucy was shocked by the cool irises of her eyes, so light they were almost white. "Oh, hello, Susan," the girl cried happily. "I lost you in the hall, but your brother was out here waiting for you, so I just introduced myself!" She embraced Susan warmly. Peter's head tilted to one side as he met Susan's eyes. His own blue depths were filled with curiosity. Behind her, Lucy stepped back, nearer to Edmund. "You did not tell me that you knew the man fighting your brother, you naughty girl!"

Susan reached up and extracted herself from Cecily's grasp. "You did not ask," she retorted. "If you will excuse us, we should be getting home."

"Nonsense!" Cecily exclaimed. "You must all come join us in City Centre! Please?" she said, turning to Caspian and batting sparkling blue eyes. "You simply must! There is quite a show going on there tonight!" She abandoned Susan's arm and moved to Caspian. Once beside him, she slid her arm through his and continued, "You will be amazed at what you will see, sir."

"I don't see why we could not take a look," Caspian replied, placing his hand on hers and smiling brightly at her. "We are passing through City Centre to get to Finchley, after all." Cecily leaned closer to him and giggled, nodding.

Blue eyes flashing darkly, Susan turned on her heel, slinging her school bag over her shoulder. "I have homework to do," she called over her shoulder. "I'm going home. Do as you like."

Lucy and Edmund exchanged glances and hurried to follow Susan. They did not offer a glance to Peter and Caspian. The men were on their own. Caspian met Peter's eyes and shrugged; Peter nodded his agreement. "Excuse me, Cecily," Caspian said, slipping from her grasp. "I must go." Without another glance in her direction he jogged after Susan and the retreating Pevensies, leaving Peter alone on the lawn with Cecily.

The eldest Pevensie grinned uncomfortably at her, and spoke. "Um, well, Cecily. It was a pleasure meeting you," he said. "Be seeing you, then." He turned and charged off after the rest. Cecily was not done with them yet, she headed off after them.

* * *

Descending the stairs of the Underground, Susan stewed in silence. She could hear Lucy and Edmund following her. They had missed the immediate train that usually arrived and departed with the majority of the student body. In the next few minutes the following northbound train would arrive to take them to Finchley. She stopped on the platform and faced forward, her head held high. Lucy and Edmund arrived moments behind her, but did not speak. They were standing perfectly motionless when the train came screeching into the station.

Before them the doors slid open, revealing an eerily empty car. The few people occupying it were far toward the front, shrouded in stillness. Desperately wishing she could turn to see if Caspian was cresting the stairs, Susan paused in the door. She did not turn, even when Lucy and Edmund passed her. Just as she was about to cross the threshold into the train Caspian brushed by her, followed closely by Peter. Her eyes met his and she had to forcefully restrain herself from exhaling the breath she had been holding.

"Susan!" called Cecily as she glided off the bottom step. As the other four watched Susan's eyes darkened. She turned on Cecily, frozen in the doorway of the train. "Are you really leaving? Won't you all come to City Centre?"

"Did I say something, or do something that would have led you to believe that I was fond of you? I don't mean to sound rude, but I don't even know you and you keep acting as though we've been best mates for years. I do not need a friend right now, especially one that doesn't hear what I say," Susan barked, clenching her fists at her sides. "Now, what is all of this about?"

Right before her very eyes, Cecily's face lost its pleasantness. "I don't like your tone, Susan," she snapped. "I have been incredibly nice to you, despite your short temper and clipped remarks. I've invited you out, and included your family. You are ungrateful!"

Realization dawned on Susan's face. She raised her hands to her hips and reared back to stare at the girl before her. "You had already seen me with Caspian," she accused. "You knew that he was a friend of my family, and you wanted an introduction!" Cecily attempted to look shocked, but her eyes betrayed the truth. "That is disgusting!" Susan exploded. "To pretend to be friendly for an introduction! I have never been so appalled," she continued. "And that's saying a lot, considering what I've seen!"

Behind her Lucy was watching with intense concentration. If she had not been focused so intently on Susan she would not have noticed the faint tremors of the car they stood in. Susan was still standing on the platform, just outside the door, saying, "You listen here, you little-"

Without warning she was cut off as Lucy reached out and snagged her by her school bag. Susan stumbled backwards just as the doors slid shut before her. She clenched her fists in the air and let out a muffled yell, then her hands dropped to her sides and her shoulders slumped. "You're welcome," Lucy muttered under her breath.

In a split second, Susan was spinning on them, her eyes flashing. "What the hell was that?" she cried, glaring angrily at Caspian. His eyes widened. "You are here for a few days and suddenly you are running off with every pretty face that looks your way!"

"What are you talking about?" Caspian asked, bewildered. "She was inviting us all to enjoy an evening out."

"No she wasn't," Susan snapped. "She was inviting you! To enjoy-" She cut herself off. "Ugh! Just leave me alone!" She turned and stormed down the length of the car to the empty rear seats. Without another word, she sat down, facing away from them and stared out the window at the darkness of the underground tunnel.

With a sigh, Lucy followed suit, sitting down beside her. Neither spoke. Back at the door, Caspian glanced to Peter with wide eyes. "What was that?" he asked.

"I have no idea," Peter responded.

"Women here are strange," Caspian muttered.

Edmund reached up and clapped Caspian on the shoulder and said, "You have no idea, mate. No idea."


	11. Worth Fighting For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan shows her mettle and Caspian shows his hand.

The train ground to a halt at the Finchley station. Their car had gotten more crowded since the school stop, collecting people along the way. Susan and Lucy were still at the rear of the car, sitting in silence, while Peter, Caspian and Edmund remained at the door. When the doors slid open the men turned to watch the girls rise, but only Lucy rose to her feet. She glanced around and spoke to Susan. Susan replied softly. Suddenly, Lucy looked panicked.

"Excuse me," Peter said, moving away from Caspian and Edmund. He made his way over as Lucy headed in their direction. "What's going on?" Peter asked her, his eyes still on Susan's back.

"She's not coming," Lucy replied uncertainly. "She told us to go ahead."

"I'm not leaving her on this train," he grumbled, moving past Lucy to where Susan was still seated. "What are you doing, Susan? We need to go."

She turned to face him and he noticed the swollen red eyes and the tear-streaked cheeks. "You go," she said, her voice soft but sure. "I will be home by supper. Lucy can handle it." Her brother was taken aback by her tears and for a moment he did not react. "Really, Pete," she continued. "I will be fine."

He glanced around the car. There were a few people near them, but the car was not too crowded. "All right," he replied. "It's against my better judgment, but I can not stop you." He turned to walk back to his remaining siblings and Caspian, allowing Susan to turn back to the window.

He approached the other three people and stepped through them. "What's going on, Pete?" Edmund asked, throwing a glance over his shoulder at Susan.

"Susan is going to stay on the train. She will be home by dinner," he said, stepping off the train. Edmund and Lucy followed slowly, but Caspian remained in the doorway. "What are you doing? Come on, Caspian."

"You are just going to leave her on the train by herself?" he demanded, gesturing to Peter.

"I think she can handle it," Peter replied. "She's not exactly a wilting flower."

Caspian glanced back to watch her. "I'm staying," he whispered. "I will return her home safely."

"I do not think that is such a good idea," Lucy replied, reaching out with a hand to brush his arm. "She's very upset."

"All the more reason for him to stay," Edmund jumped in. "They need to talk about all this. He does not understand what is happening, and if they do not start communicating then he has traveled all this way for nothing." He arched an eyebrow. "Stay," he said to Caspian. "But give her space."

As the doors slid shut between them, Peter clapped an arm around his brother and said, "When did you get this smart, Ed?"

Caspian heard Edmund's reply softly as the doors slid shut, "I think it was around the third time I led centaurs into battle."

Once the doors were shut the train began to move forward, back into the darkness. Caspian found a seat out of the way where he could view Susan from afar. She did not move much, with her back to the car, she merely stared out the window. Moving between them were commuters, momentarily shielding her from view and even with those missing glimpses, he knew that she was crying. Her hand traveled to her face frequently and when people would move into the space between her and the far wall, she would glance away and duck her head.

Perhaps the most confusing part of the whole situation was the fact that Caspian had no idea what had happened. Cecily had introduced herself as one of Susan's friends; she then began to comment on the sword fight, which had apparently become the talk of the schools. From there the conversation turned to questions of Caspian before Susan had appeared angrily. In the moments that followed, Susan began to speak what seemed like a foreign language of unfinished sentences and exasperated sighs. It was not until the doors had closed on the train and Susan had vanished to the far side of the car that Caspian realized that he might have handled something wrong. Even now he had no idea what that might have been; he was simply trying to be kind to a friend of hers.

All these thoughts left his mind as Susan rose to her feet and made her way toward the exit. There was a stop coming up and she intended on leaving the train. Caspian ducked his head in an effort to disguise himself. Fortunately the man in front of him moved in the same direction as Susan, blocking Caspian from view. As soon as Susan had passed him he rose to his feet and began to trail her. The man that had been blocking Caspian also stepped from the train, unknowingly continuing to shield Caspian. Susan moved down the passageway, but did not take the stairs to the street level. Instead, she moved up the stairs to the southbound train platform. This left Caspian at a slight disadvantage. If she turned she would spot him instantly, but it was chance he would have to take. Something was going on with Susan, and he was not going to let anything happen to her.

He made it up the stairs and back down undetected. Once on the platform it was easier to hide amidst the small crowds of people. Susan found an empty bench and sat down, keeping her head down slightly to conceal the red cheeks that Caspian had seen when she passed him on the train. The young man ducked into a neighboring alcove to avoid being detected, but he did not have to stay there long. As soon as the next train rumbled into the station Susan rose to her feet. Caspian chose a separate door that attached to the same car as the one Susan waited in line for. He waited until she had gotten on and 

found a seat before he ducked in and dodged behind a group of teenagers. He was taller than them so it afforded him a good view of her while still hidden.

They moved several stops like this, Susan staring straight ahead, eyes dry. As the stop for City Centre drew closer, Caspian could see Susan fiddling with her long hair and checking her appearance in the darkened window of the car. The train groaned to a stop and Susan rose to her feet. Caspian realized with sudden disquiet exactly what Susan was doing. She was going to find Cecily.

She stood on the sidewalk outside the Underground exit and looked around. A few steps below Caspian waited against the wall, out of sight, and watched her through the cast iron fence. In the middle of the city buildings was a large park where several large groups of people were gathered. Susan looked both ways and then jogged across the street, eyes focused on the group of people in the park. Behind her, Caspian followed.

As she crossed into the park she glimpsed the fair blonde hair she had been looking for. She stood erect in a group of girls, all dressed in the red blazers of the school. Cecily was laughing at something one of the girls had said and when she saw Susan she stopped cold. Excusing herself, she made her way over, glaring icily.

To hear what was said Caspian had to get closer, but something in the way that Susan stood made him stop. He knew he would be invading on privacy, but he had no other way of knowing what was going on. He moved around a tree and tiptoed closer. There was another tree close to him that he managed to make it to as a group of boys joined the girls that Cecily had abandoned, distracting Susan and Cecily for a moment.

"What are you doing here?" Cecily demanded once the boys had passed.

Caspian was astonished to see amusement in Susan's eyes. "I wanted to warn you," Susan said. "I am not the kind of person you want as an enemy." She glanced over Cecily's shoulder at the girls gathered behind her. "You see, you might be the kind of girl that men stare at but I am the kind of girl that men like Caspian travel worlds for."

"So you say," Cecily retorted. "But if you look around, the men are looking at me, not you."

Susan smiled a bewildering smile as she glanced in Caspian's direction. Complete shock registered in Caspian's eyes. "I would not say that," she replied, smiling brilliantly at him. "The one that matters is looking at me." She gestured to him.

Caspian came from around the tree sheepishly and strolled over, meeting Cecily's gaze. "Hello, Cecily," he said, slipping his arm around Susan's waist. "It's a pleasure to see you again." Susan slid 

against his side but he felt her restraint. She was still angry with him, but he would do whatever she seemed to want as long as she kept that smile in place.

"Well, Cecily," Susan said, leaning into him. "I suppose I will see you at school tomorrow."

"Aren't you staying?" she asked, batting her eyes at Caspian.

"No thank you," Susan replied. "I'd rather be getting home." She looked up at Caspian and continued, "Unless you want to stay."

Caspian took a long look at Susan, and then shifted his gaze to Cecily. He might not understand what is going on with these two women, but he knew what fifty years of marriage had taught him. "I'd much rather go home with you," he replied. Susan's eyes displayed that he had chosen correctly.

"Well then," Susan continued, her smile in place. "Tomorrow it is then. Cecily." She nodded curtly and turned, allowing Caspian to fall in behind her.

As they stopped at the street to wait for a gap, Caspian spoke. "Are you all right?" he asked.

She shot him a glance that stilled him. "Not now," she replied. "Wait." Caspian was left in silence as they ducked across the street and down the stairway. They merged back into the crowd leaving City Centre and moved onto the train.

Susan took an immediate left and located two seats on the side of the car. Finally seated, she turned to Caspian. "I'm sorry I dragged you into that," she said, leaning into him.

"I just don't understand what happened," he replied softly. "Was she not a friend of yours?"

"Before today we had never spoken," Susan whispered. "I thought something was strange when she burst into conversation with me after classes. Girls like her are not friends with girls like me."

"Why?" Caspian asked, glancing to her. Susan was looking away now, her eyes shielded from her. "You are of the same class in this world, aren't you?"

The girl snorted and then covered her mouth and turned back to him. "On the contrary," she said. "My father is an officer in the Royal Military." She glanced to him sheepishly. "My family is of a higher station than hers, if anything." She glanced at her hands. "But that means nothing. I am…" she trailed off for a moment, and then continued, "Unusual. I am a loner, I do not go to City Centre for the theater there, I don't worry with hair and appearance. Cecily and her friends are not the kind of people to welcome an outsider into their group." Again she glanced up at him, and this time Caspian recognized laughter in her eyes. "Unless they happen to be an incredibly handsome young man."

He reached around and dropped an arm around her shoulder. It was the most intimate position that they had placed themselves in while in public. "Girls here are very different," he said. "I am not used to so many different faces." He tilted his head toward her, his lips finding a dark wave of hair.

"Here you must remember that people do not see you as a king. They are willing to do anything to persuade you to come to their side," Susan whispered, glancing around the car at their fellow travelers. "Lying to you is not treason, and not punishable by death."

Caspian mulled that over for a moment, pursing his lips. "Why did you get so angry with me?" he asked. "I've been trying to figure it out, and I just do not understand."

Susan leaned her forehead against him and closed her eyes. She had overreacted and she knew that. It had been on her mind since she had separated herself from her siblings. Caspian had done nothing wrong, but she had lashed out at him. "I am sorry for that," she whispered, tilting her face up to look at him. "I was being irrational, and I am never irrational." Caspian nodded slightly watching her. "But Cecily is," she trailed off for a moment, turning away. "Cecily is more beautiful than I am, and when she looked at you I felt like I had lost."

"Lost," Caspian repeated. "Lost what?"

"The fight for you," Susan replied.

Without warning, Caspian burst out laughing, startling several travelers standing nearby. Susan blushed, making him laugh a bit harder. She glared at him and then away, waiting for him to stop laughing. When he finally subsided, Susan turned back to him. "Sorry," he said as soon as he found his voice. "I just can't believe that you would think something such as that!" She rolled her eyes and moved to argue, but Caspian shushed her with a finger to her lips. "No. I listened when you spoke, now you listen to me." With a sigh, Susan nodded, gesturing for him to continue. "In no way is Cecily more beautiful than you are. If anything, she is dulled tremendously by you. But this is not what we need to address. What we need to address is this fight for me." He reached over and took her hand, ignoring the glances he was getting from people around them. "There is no fight, Susan. I came here to be with you, and no one will ever blind me from that. I don't know why Aslan gave us this chance, but I'm not about to walk away from it." He brought her fingers to his lip and finished, "This is what I came here for."

Susan smiled, leaning into him as the train came to a stop. "Oh," she said, abruptly looking around. "This is Finchley. We should go. I'm sure Lucy needs help, she's never made dinner by herself before." She rose to her feet, pulling Caspian to his feet.

As they stepped off the train, Caspian moved up beside her and said, "Susan, one thing is bothering me." Susan nodded and looked up at him as they headed for the steps to the street level. "When did you know I was following you?"

A smile spread across her face. "When the train left Finchley station it passed my brothers and sister. You weren't with them. You had to still be on the train." Caspian's gaze sharpened at her, astonishment in his eyes. "Caspian," she added, with a smile. "I am a tracker, it's what I do."

Behind them a woman stepped around a group to get a better view of the young couple making their way up the stairs. Mrs. Kelly could not believe her eyes. This was not the Susan Pevensie that she had known for ten years, and her parents deserved to know what was happening.


	12. Making Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the housekeeper notices.

The kitchen looked as though a bomb had dropped right in the middle of the room. Lucy stood over the stove, her hair in her face as she looked forlornly at the meat in the roasting pan. Behind her Edmund was talking. "I don't know, Luce. Susan never does it like that," he said. Lucy shot him a look over her shoulder, a terrible glare. Edmund rolled his eyes away from her. "Oh, I'm sorry," he snapped. "You're right, you're the expert."

"I'm a girl," Lucy barked, "I should be able to do this!"

Laughter rang from the doorway, a light, silvery laughter. Lucy and Edmund spun to find Susan and Caspian in the arch. "Oh, Luce," Susan replied, crossing the room to drop an arm around her shoulder. "You'll get used to it," she continued. "But I can help you tonight." Lucy nodded, looking up at her sister. She smiled brightly. "Tomorrow night you are on your own."

"Ok," Lucy replied, relieved.

"That's our sign," Edmund said, walking to Caspian's side. "We should get out of here before they make us bake or something."

"Not so fast!" Susan called. "I do need you for something!"

"Damn it," Edmund muttered, turning back around. Susan was holding a Vidalia onion and a knife. "Oh, no," he said. "I don't chop onions."

"Edmund Lewis Pevensie," Susan replied, holding out the onion further. "Come help."

"Aw, Sue," he grumbled, taking a step closer to them. "You know I don't like onion."

"Because they make you cry," Lucy retorted, a smile in place. She held the roasting pan in her hands, watching them with laughter in her eyes.

"They do not make me cry," Edmund barked, taking the onion from Susan.

From the doorway came Caspian's voice. "I will do it, Edmund," he said kindly, smiling. "I'd be happy to help. You should probably get to work on some of your homework."

Edmund glanced between Caspian and the onion before him, obviously weighing the vegetable against school work. "All right," he consented, setting the onion on the counter. "Thanks, Caspian," he finished, strolling past him.

"That boy is going to have to learn how to cook sooner or later," Susan groaned, turning toward the stove. She turned the heat up on the stove and looked to Lucy. "We should get started. I assume that Peter is famished by now."

The door to the alley behind them opened and in stepped Mrs. Kelly. She stopped dead in her tracks, staring at Caspian. Blood drained from Susan's face, astonishment filling her eyes. "Mrs. Kelly!" she exclaimed, a bit too loudly. "Whatever are you doing here?"

The housekeeper's eyes did not leave Caspian, but she responded to Susan in a voice that seemed slow. "I was wondering if you might need any help with dinner, miss. I noticed that you were late coming home from school when you got off of the train a few minutes ago."

Susan's blood raced back into her face, smearing her cheeks with bright red. She felt her knees wobble back and forth a bit, and she chewed on her lip. "You saw…" she trailed off as Caspian stepped forward.

"Mrs. Kelly," he said, offering a steady hand. "We have not been introduced. My name is Caspian Tennyson. I'm a friend of Peter's from when he stayed with Professor Kirke." Lucy nodded in agreement, but Susan just stared at Mrs. Kelly, cheeks flushed.

Mrs. Kelly blinked, taking in Caspian's clean, unwrinkled clothes and his beaming smile. She thought fleetingly that he seemed very much like a soldier or a prince. "It is nice to meet you," she said softly, accepting his hand. She was overcome with a sense of peace and a tingling in her arms, almost as if it were magic.

When she dropped her hand, she shook her head as if trying to clear it and glanced to Susan. Suddenly she had forgotten why she had felt so unsure about this boy, he seemed so kind! "Mrs. Kelly," Caspian said; a smile in place. "The Pevensies have said such marvelous things about you! How you can find just about anything. My uncle, Commodore Glouster, of Her Majesty's Royal Navy, has been craving some wonderful strawberry jam. I don't know when he shall return to London, but I would love to have some waiting for him. Would you be able to help? I would reimburse you."

"Of course, sir," Mrs. Kelly replied, smiling slightly. "I would be happy to find you some."

"Thank you," he finished, dropping an arm around her shoulder and steering her toward the door. "I greatly appreciate it. Now, I'm sure you have places to be, a lovely lady such as yourself." He opened the door and moved her outside. "Have a wonderful night, Mrs. Kelly." He closed the door behind her and watched as she descended the steps and picked her way along the cobblestone alley, confusion clouding her face.

When he turned back to Susan and Lucy they were staring open-mouthed in his direction. "How did you do that?" Lucy asked.

"Just small magic," Caspian said, his eyes locked on Susan. She was pale again, and her hand was still on the counter, holding her up. He moved in her direction, but she recoiled. "What is it, Susan?"

"She saw us," she replied. "Together. She knows, and she will tell my parents."

"Oh, Susan," Lucy said softly. "You shouldn't worry so much about that. You can't spend your life wondering what might happen." She scooped up the onion laying forgotten on the counter and the 

knife beside it. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Caspian wrap his arms around Susan and hold her close. She buried her face in his shirt and her hands clenched around his upper arms. Lucy turned her face away, feeling ashamed to watch such an intimate moment. Susan kept things deep inside, but having Caspian here had changed that part of her. Lucy had always been the sister that had worn her emotions like armor, but now the warrior queen was showing weakness and Lucy felt awkward watching it.

"Susan," Caspian whispered. "We will stand strong and be prepared to fight for what we believe in if we must. We've done it before, and we can't be defeated together."

"You're really good at that," Susan whispered.

"Good at what?" he whispered in return.

"Calming me down," she continued. "I'm ordinarily really difficult to calm down."

"I consider it a gift," Caspian replied, smiling into her hair. "A beautiful gift."

* * *

When Peter arrived at the dining room table for dinner he instantly noticed the change of environment. Susan and Caspian were sitting closer, Lucy and Edmund were silently staring at their plates and the whole place felt heavier. "What's going on?" Peter asked, sitting in his chair and unfolding his napkin.

"Nothing," Susan and Lucy said at the same moment. They met gazes and instantly dropped their eyes again.

Peter glanced between the two of them, and then at Caspian. "It's really nothing, Peter," the man replied. "Your housekeeper saw Susan and I on the train and came over."

"All right," Peter replied, looking down the table at dinner. "Pass the beans, would you?"

Caspian grabbed the green beans and passed them to Peter. Peter had just begun scooping the vegetables onto his plate when Susan burst out, "That isn't all, Peter." Peter stopped and looked at her. "Caspian and I," she glanced to her brother and then back down at her plate. "We didn't really look like friends on the train."

Head cocked to the side, Peter glared at Susan then at Caspian. His gaze leveled back to Susan as he said, "What does that mean?"

"Well, we were discussing Cecily and he had his arm around me. We were leaned together, whispering. I'm sure Mrs. Kelly saw us."

"Oh," Peter said, watching her. She would not lift her gaze to meet his. Caspian sat beside her, his hand in hers. He kept his eyes trained on Peter, unsure of how he would react. But one thing was 

certain; he would not back down from his reaction. "Well," he continued. "We will have to see what happens with Mrs. Kelly. You shouldn't worry about it, Susan. I'm sure everything will be fine. Mrs. Kelly is a reasonable person."

"Caspian already talked to her, Peter!" Lucy exclaimed. "It was amazing! When she left she was completely enamored with him!"

Peter's eyes darted to Caspian's face again. "What's this?" he asked.

"I just introduced myself, explained that we met at Professor Kirke's," he reached for the roast beef. "And used a bit of magic on her."

"Magic!" Peter exclaimed, his eyes wide. "How can you use magic?"

Caspian glanced between Susan and Lucy as he scooped some of the roast beef. "Doctor Cornelius spent years teaching me the old ways. I can't do Big magic, only small things." Peter was still staring at him. "I don't use it often, usually only to give people peace. It bewilders them for a moment; it's a nasty side effect that I hate."

"Have you used that on me?" Susan asked suddenly, eyes wide.

"Never!" Caspian replied quickly. "I would never use magic on you; you are too strong of will."

"You used magic on our housekeeper?" Peter demanded, putting down the serving spoon. "Caspian, there are things in this world that are completely unacceptable."

"I understand that, Peter," Caspian replied quickly. "I had no intention of doing it when I started. She was just so worried, I had to help."

"I can understand that," the eldest Pevensie replied, looking back to the food. "It cannot happen again, though."

"It won't," Caspian replied, squeezing Susan's hand. They lapsed into silence as they continued their meals.

* * *

Susan glided into the kitchen, plates balanced on both hands. Caspian stood in the middle of the room, watching her. "You certainly backed down quickly," she said, finally.

"Well, Peter was right. I should not have used magic on an unsuspecting woman," Caspian replied. He reached over and helped her by taking a few of the plates from her hands. "If there is one thing that I learned from being king it was that when you are wrong you must admit it. Too many lives hang in the balance."

He turned and snagged her hand in his, pulling her toward him. She blushed at the show of affection, even if they were all alone in the kitchen. "Susan," he whispered. "Tell me how you feel about me."

"But I have, Caspian," she whispered.

"No," he breathed against her. "You haven't really."

With a sigh, Susan leaned her head against his chest. She felt the flush in her cheeks building back up. "Oh," she said finally, still up against him. "Whenever you're around my heart beats faster and I feel like I'm moving fast and slow at the same time. When I thought I would never see you again, I was destroyed. Everyone noticed it, especially Lucy."

"You're avoiding the question, Susan," he whispered.

"I love you," she blurted out, her face still embedded in his chest. It was muted by his shirt and skin but he understood. "You make me feel like I used to, back in Narnia. You make me feel like I'm finally back home."

He smiled into her hair, inhaling her. "That wasn't so hard, was it?" he joked at her.

Without warning, Edmund came flying into the kitchen, Lucy on his heels. Edmund skid to a stop when he saw Susan and Caspian in each other's arms, but Lucy kept running. She practically slid into Caspian, grabbing him and yanking him away from Susan. "Come on!" she barked, pulling him toward the door. Her voice broke Edmund out of his silence and he started rambling to Susan at a very loud volume. "So, then I told Professor Stein that I felt that his concepts of math were much easier to understand than Professor Jameson's. I mean, it makes more sense to do them step by step than to jump around…"

Susan was not listening to her brother babble, even though he was practically yelling. She was watching Lucy hustle Caspian out the back door, without saying a word. Caspian was trying to argue, but he could not be heard over Edmund's volume. Lucy shoved him out the door, and slammed it, calling, "We'll see you tomorrow!"

When the door was finally shut, she yanked down the blinds and spun back to the kitchen. "What was that about?" Susan demanded.

Lucy was out of breath as she gestured back to Edmund. Edmund continued prattling on and on as though Susan had not spoken. Behind him appeared two figured in the dining room, they moved through the arch and into the kitchen.

"Mother! Father!" Susan exclaimed, everything falling into place. She glanced to Lucy, who was trying to calm her breathing, and then at Edmund, who was slightly red in the face from yelling. "We weren't expecting you for another few weeks!" Susan said, grasping the counter for support.

Her mother moved further into the kitchen to embrace Edmund. "Yes, we got to the border and they would not let us cross. We waited there for a few days and then came home. Your father is going to try again next week." She came over to Susan and opened her arms. Without thinking, Susan fell into her mother's waiting arms, allowing them to envelope her tightly. "Well," the woman whispered. "This is unexpected."

"Oh, Mother!" Susan said, burying her face in her shoulder. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, my darling," she whispered in return, giving her husband a glance. He shrugged. "What is going on?" she asked.

"It's a very long story, Mother," Susan whispered.

"I have all the time in the world," she whispered in return.

Lucy came across the kitchen to where they stood. "You might need it," she said. Susan laughed and pulled her younger sister into the embrace.


	13. Night Falls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan tells her mother the truth. Almost.

Susan was curled up in bed when she heard a soft knock on her door. She placed the book she was reading on the bedside table and called for them to enter. She was expecting Lucy, or perhaps her mother to say good night, but Peter walked in. “Sue,” he whispered. “I want to talk to you.”

“Sure,” she replied, “Come on in.”

He stepped inside and quietly closed the door behind him. She scooted up higher in her bed and rearranged her blanket to provide him with a place to sit. He perched on the side of the canopy bed and looked toward the lamp at her bedside. “What did you tell Mother and Father?” he asked bluntly.

Susan’s brow furrowed. “I told them that there was a lot to talk about in the morning, but it was nothing that could not wait.” She looked up at him. “Why?” she asked.

Peter glanced at the door and then turned back to her. He dropped his voice even lower. “I heard Mother and Father talking,” he whispered. “They were talking about sending us away again.”

“Away?” Susan muttered, glancing at the lamp. “Where would they send us?”

“I don’t quite know,” Peter answered. “But I certainly don’t want to wait to find out.”

Susan nodded. Leaving London had been hard on them, especially since it had turned into fifteen years in Narnia, only to be brought back to London within six months of leaving. “We can’t leave again, Pete,” she whispered. “Not after everything that has happened.”

“I think it depends on what you tell them,” Peter replied, taking her hand. “Before they left, Father told me that he wanted to see his children from before, if not before the war than before a few weeks ago. I think that Mother and Father are relying on seeing the way we used to be, instead of what Narnia created us to be.”

“How can we go back to that?” Susan asked. “We are different people now.”

Peter glanced to the door once more. “I think they might be looking for us to change back into the siblings that we were before. You have to admit, you have been rather sulky since we got back.”

“Me?” Susan demanded in a whisper, pointing to herself. “You are the one that has been getting into fist fights every single change you get!”

“I have gotten much better at that!” Peter growled. “I have changed completely!”

“Yes!” Susan exclaimed, forgetting herself. “You have moved on to sword fighting!” Peter and Susan glared at each other, eyes flashing. They burst into laughter, listening to it ring off of the walls of Susan’s room.

The door opened slightly and the siblings fell silent, their eyes wide. Lucy peered in, her hair falling in her eyes. “What are you two doing?” she asked, stepping in and closing the door. “I can hear you all the way down the hall.”

“We think Mother and Father might be planning on sending us away again, Luce,” Susan whispered, waving her over.

Lucy nodded. “I heard them talking through their door,” she replied. “Right before I heard you two echoing down the hall.” She walked around the bed and slid onto the comforter to curl up beside Susan. “What will we do?”

“I think-” Susan began, only to be cut off by the door opening again. Edmund leaned around the frame and grimaced.

He did not wait to be invited in; he simply stepped in and closed the door. “What’s this?” He asked, frowning. “I used to actually be invited to Royal summits.” Peter grinned at him. “But I see how it is now. The lowly King gets left behind while the High King rules the world.” He moved over and plopped on the bed beside Peter. “What is going on, anyway?” he asked.

Susan smiled at her younger brother and reached for his hand. “Mother and Father are talking about sending us away again.”

“Bugger,” Edmund breathed. “And just when London was getting interesting.”

Lucy giggled. “I’m sure we can convince them otherwise, it shouldn’t be too hard. Father did say that he wanted us back to normal. Perhaps we should just strive to be normal.”

Edmund rolled his eyes to his sister, eyebrows arched. “How should be strive to be normal?”

“Well,” Lucy said, “Susan has come out of her room! That’s a good start.” Susan lifted a pillow and thwaped it down on Lucy’s head. Lucy giggled and swung the pillow from under her head, inadvertently striking Peter. He tumbled from his perch on the bedspread. “Oh, Pete!” Lucy exclaimed, forgetting herself.

Seconds later Peter popped up, grasping a pillow from beneath the bed. He towered over them, the pillow above his head and said, “I shall strike thee down with my powerful sword!” He looked up. “Well, pillow, but you understand.” With that, he brought the pillow down to graze Edmund’s side as she thumped Lucy on the head. Edmund reached behind Lucy and grabbed another pillow, swinging it at Peter’s exposed side.

“Armor cannot save you now!” he cried, sending Peter stumbling. Peter spun back and connected the pillow to Edmund’s head. Edmund bent back, deflecting the blow and spun to smack the pillow against Peter’s knees. Susan and Lucy were squealing with happiness as Edmund defended them against their pillow-welding oldest brother.

The door behind Edmund opened, and their parents leaned in, astonishment on their faces. Susan and Lucy began to blush as Peter and Edmund ground to a halt. “Children!” Their mother exclaimed, her eyes wide. Edmund reached up and popped Peter in the face with the pillow again, watching his parents. Peter laughed and grabbed the pillow from the air, tucking it under his arm.

“Sorry, Mother,” Susan said. “I don’t know what came over us.” She looked to her father, his eyes beaming at her. “Father, we will try to keep it down.”

“You do indeed have school tomorrow, children,” their father responded. “But you may stay up for a bit longer. Just try to be in bed by ten, please.”

“Of course,” Peter replied, smiling.

With a last glance over their shoulders, the parents stepped outside the door. As soon as the door clicked shut, Peter took the pillow from under his arm and swung it at Edmund’s head. Caught off guard, Edmund tumbled to the bed, stretching across the girls. The four children dissolved into fits of laughter.

 

Long before dawn, Susan was in the kitchen making tea. Her parents had created a lot of turmoil in her mind making it difficult for her to sleep. She was sitting at the kitchen table, her tea in hand when her mother came down the servant’s stairs. “Susan,” she said, only slightly surprised. “You’re up very early.”

“Yes,” she replied. “I couldn’t sleep. Would you like tea?”

“I can get it, you stay seated.”

Susan nodded as her mother walked past her. She heard the fixings for tea moving around and a moment later her mother appeared at the chair across from her. “Darling,” she said, “What is bothering you?”

Susan took a sip, inhaling heavily. “There has been a lot that has happened in the last year, Mother,” she began, as Helen nodded. “There is a lot to be said, and I need you to listen until it is done.” Her mother nodded again, reaching over and placing her hand over Susan’s.

“I know that things have been strange around here since we got home from Professor Kirke’s. When we left we all thought it would be uneventful trip, but it really wasn’t.” Susan took a sip of her tea, thinking about what she wanted to say. “Lucy introduced us to a world that we had never known, Mother. To survive it we had to believe in each other in a way that we never had, and we did. We bonded together, and we changed ourselves to fit into our new roles.” She turned away to look out the darkened window at the far side of the room. “When we arrived back in London, it all changed. We lost that unity that we had created. It felt as if we had lost a huge part of ourselves and we did not know how to get it back.”

Her mother reached across the table and swept a rogue piece of hair out of her daughter’s eyes. Susan did not stop talking, but now her voice caught in her throat. “I felt lost, Mother. It was a long time before I felt whole again, a very long time. But I do now.” She looked up at her mother, meeting her eyes. “I know none of this makes sense, Mother,” she said. “But I have no other words to explain what happened to us. We grew from the average siblings to something so much deeper. We have kept inside ourselves so much this past year because it feels like we are still there together, even when we are alone.” Her blue eyes dripped tears. “We have excluded you and Father because we did not know how to include you.”

Her mother watched her in silence, tears sparking in her own eyes. “But all of that has changed, Mother. There is so much that I want to include you in, so much that I want to share with you.” She brought her hand to her eyes to wipe them, before continuing, “But I do not know how.”

Across the table, her mother rose to her feet and came around the space between them. She pulled Susan out of her chair and wrapped her arms around her. “You only need to tell me, Susan,” she said, “I will hear anything you need to say.”

“I’m in love, Mother,” Susan whispered so softly that she thought she might have imagined it. “We have only known each other for a brief amount of time, but it feels as though we have known each other for a lifetime.”

Her mother was silent for a long time, and Susan grew frightened that she would tell her that she was too young to feel such things. When Helen finally spoke, her voice was softly edged. “Susan,” she whispered. “You are the most leveled headed girl I know, and if you are in love then he is a very special young man.” She leaned down and kissed her daughter’s forehead. “I cannot wait to meet him, my darling.”

The woman stepped away to gather her teacup, but Susan’s voice stopped her. “Are you really going to send us away?” she asked, softly. Her mother turned back to look at her, meeting bright blue eyes. “We really are happy here, Mother,” she finished, her eyes pleading.

“It is something that your father and I must discuss, darling,” Helen answered softly. “This war is not a good place to raise children.”

Susan rose to her feet and took her own teacup to the sink. She turned to face her mother and said, “You must promise me something, Mother.” Helen turned to meet her gaze. “We are old enough to be involved in that decision and you must let us be a part of it.”

“I will mention it to your father,” she said. “Now, perhaps you should try to go back to bed for a bit, you have school in a few hours.”

“All right,” Susan replied, turning away. Instead of heading up the servant’s staircase she headed back through the dining room. She wore her robe over her nightgown, and her hair was pulled back from her face. She lingered a bit too long in the dining room, listening to her mother go up the servant’s stairs. She glanced out the windows of the dining room, moving the blackout curtains aside. The lights were off in the street, the houses completely dark inside, their occupants weary of bombings in the middle of the night.

Susan knew that dawn was almost upon them, and with dawn would come the knowledge that she would have to face school and Cecily all over again. She felt rather than heard someone come into the room. Turning, she found Lucy in the archway. “You’re up early,” Lucy whispered.

“I could say the same for you,” Susan answered.

“Mother tripped in the hallway and banged my door; I think I’m awake for good.”

“Would you like tea?” Susan asked, turning back to the kitchen.

Lucy fell into step beside her as they walked into the kitchen. The tea pot was still warm, so Susan put it back on to heat up a bit more as Lucy sat at the table. “What are you doing awake?” she asked calmly, looking to the kitchen windows.

“I couldn’t sleep, I’ve been having nightmares,” Susan replied. As she turned to look at Lucy the kitchen melted away, leaving the dark wood and foggy glass of London behind. Susan could make out the gleaming walls of Cair Paravel in her mind’s eye, and in the midst of the gilded dining room there sat Lucy, hair flowing around her face, her silken gown shimmering in the light. In that moment the secure feeling that she had always possessed in Narnia flowed through her, the feeling that she could tell Lucy anything and that her sister was truly her best friend and confidant.

“What kind of nightmares,” Lucy asked, watching her. The vision before her dissolved, leaving Lucy sitting at wooden chairs by a wooden table in a dark English kitchen. To Susan’s surprise, the feeling that had overwhelmed her while in her vision did not disappear. She felt at peace with her sister there.

Susan poured them each a cup of tea and brought them to the table. “They are ugly affairs,” she began. “They seem to be wars that we did not fight, against animals that we thought to be our friends.” Lucy poured a few sugars into her tea as she watched Susan. “I can’t really remember them, but once I wake up I dread going back to sleep.”

“I’ve been having similar dreams,” Lucy said. “Mr. Tumnus is there, but he refuses to speak to me. I am afraid that he is angry at us for leaving them to be overrun.”

Susan nodded and glanced off into space. “Do you ever get the feeling that we should not have left Narnia again?”

Both girls were silent for a long moment, staring off into their respectful corners. “This is our home, Sue,” Lucy whispered finally. “It might not be what we risked our lives for, but it is definitely home.” She took a sip of her tea. “What did you tell mother about Caspian?” she asked.

Susan’s eyes darted to her, and she frowned. “I told her that I was in love with him,” she said. Lucy’s eyes widened. “She seemed all right with it, though. She said that she could not wait to meet him.” She giggled, a light, spritely giggle that rebounded off the walls. “She said that he must be special if he caught my eye.”

“Did you tell her that he can wield a sword in battle like a Viking?” Lucy laughed.

“I was hoping to avoid the word Viking, but perhaps I could compare him to Prince Charming or a conquistador,” Susan replied.

“I would avoid the negative connotation of conquistadors, Sue,” Lucy said, taking a sip. “And prince charming might be a bit overworked.” Susan laughed, a deep, shaking laugh as Lucy smiled at her. They both laughed themselves quiet again, sharing their silence. Finally Lucy spoke, “What will you do?” she asked.

“I’m inviting Caspian to dinner,” Susan replied thoughtfully. “No time is better than the present, I suppose.”

“Why don’t you invite him to breakfast, then,” Lucy snorted.

“I would, but I would never get there and back in time,” Susan retorted. She rose to her feet and carried her teacup to the sink. “I’m going back to bed, Luce. We’ve got about an hour before we really need to be up.” Lucy nodded and followed Susan to the sink. The two of them trudged up the stairs and parted ways in the hallway, Lucy to her room, Susan down the hall past the boys rooms and her parents’ room.

She stepped into her room and instantly noticed the difference in the room itself. The window was propped open, the curtains fluttering in the breeze. It was chillier, and she pulled her robe tighter around her as she glanced around the room. She had left the lamp by the bed on, but other than that there was no illumination in the room. Hanging on the wall to the left of her door was her favorite bow and quiver; within the quiver laid three of her remaining arrows. She reached for one of the arrows with her left hand, careful not to move her feet, less she step on one of the creaking boards near the wall.

Her hands closed around one of the cool arrows and she withdrew it with only a whisper of the metal against the quiver. She still did not move, her eyes taking in the darkest corners of the room. There, on the far side of the canopied bed she caught sight of a flutter of movement. It was a piece of dark clothing, worn across a broad shoulder. It swept up and away from her eye, and she followed it with her gaze. It cut up and met with long dark hair and a single piercing blue eye that was revealed in the lamplight.

“Caspian,” she breathed, relaxing her fingers around the arrow. “I might have killed you.”

He stepped into the light of the lamp, revealing his dark cloak. “Nonsense,” he whispered in return. “You hadn’t even reached for the bow.”

Susan reached back up and slid the arrow home before taking the necessary steps to cover the distance between them. “What are you doing here?” she asked quietly, moving to the end of the bed to meet him. “It’s nearly four o’clock in the morning.” As if to punctuate her statement the clock in the hall downstairs chimed four times.

“Your light was on,” Caspian replied, as though it was commonplace for him to be standing in the street. “I scaled the wall rather easily. Your window was a bit tricky, though.”

“All right,” she said calmly, her eyes darting to the open window. She moved across the room to pull it shut against the London fog. “But what were you doing on the street at four o’clock in the morning?” She asked, turning back.

Caspian came around the bed and followed her trail across the room. “I went home when Lucy sent me out, passing your parents’ car on the way. I saw your mother through the kitchen window.” He paused, brushing hair from her eyes. “You look like her,” he continued. Susan scowled, and he continued with his story. “Once I got home I couldn’t sleep. I needed to see you again. I was just going to wait until you left for school.”

“But then my light came on,” Susan supplied, drawing the curtains. “Caspian, my parents are just down the hall. This is not such a wonderful idea.”

He reached out and brushed his hands along her robe clad arms before bringing her close to him. “I needed to see you,” he repeated. “Having to walk out in the middle of that conversation last night left me feeling like I had left a piece of my heart with you.” He pulled her in close and she leaned against him. “Now I am whole again, my love.”

The words overwhelmed her, spilling down her shoulders and dripping to her feet. Looking up at him, she sighed, “Say it again.” Caspian tilted his head to look at her, taking in her lidded eyes and her sleepy smile.

“My love,” he whispered, bending to press his lips to her eyelids. He pulled back and watched her for a moment. “I should go,” he said, finally. “Dawn is approaching.”

“Not yet,” she replied. “It’s very early, and school is only in a few hours. You should stay,” she replied. Caspian narrowed his eyes at her. “By the time I sneak you back downstairs and outside, you won’t have enough time to get home before it is time to leave for school.” She moved toward the bed, tying her robe tighter, Caspian did not move, uncertain of where she wanted him to wait out the dawn. He glanced to the far corner, shrouded in shadow, and saw a deep armchair. Without asking he moved toward it.

As he turned to sit down, Susan was behind him carrying her comforter. “It can get chilly over here,” she said softly, offering it to him. He reached up and took it, brushing his fingers against hers. “Mother may pop her head in, but don’t worry, she won’t notice you in this chair with the lights off.”

“All right,” he said, pulling the blanket around him. “What will we do when the whole house is up?” he asked.

“I’ll figure something out.”

“All right.”

 

Light crept in through a slit in the curtains, the overcast, dull light of London spilled in slants across the floor as Caspian watched Susan sleeping peacefully. Her face was leaned toward him, her hair spilling over her blanket. He had not be able to sleep as he listened to her breathing. As the sun struck the door Caspian was suddenly very glad that he had not slept as Helen Pevensie opened the door.

Caspian went completely still, his corner was cast in shadow and her eyes were directed only on her sleeping daughter. If he did not move, she would not notice the body beneath the blanket on the chair. Helen crept into the room to the bed and reached out to brush hair from Susan’s eyes. “Darling,” she whispered. Susan stirred, mumbling sleepily. “Darling, wake up.”

Susan stirred and rolled onto her back, patting her mother’s hand. “Mmmm,” she sighed. “Five more minutes, Mother.” Caspian cringed, wishing that Susan would wake up enough to remember that he was there.

“Susan,” her mother whispered again, shaking her gently. “Time to wake up, my darling. I want to talk to you about this boy.”

Susan’s eyes snapped open and she sat bolt upright as she heard her mother’s words. Caspian’s heart pounded harder in his chest as he ducked his head lower in the comforter. He was sure she had not seen him, but how could he be certain.

“Boy?” Susan asked, managing to keep the panic from her voice. “What boy?”

Her mother laughed and Caspian’s heart slowed down, she did not know he was there. “The boy we were talking about this morning,” she replied. “This boy who stole your heart.”

Caspian watched Susan flush and he knew that she was desperately trying not to look at him to see if he was awake. “What about him?” she asked.

“I was wondering if you would like to invite him over for dinner this evening,” she replied, touching her daughter’s hair.

“Um,” Susan said, thinking quickly. “Well, he was actually going to come over to walk us to school.” Caspian did not breathe as she paused, afraid of betraying his presence. “He should be here in time for breakfast,” she added, hopefully.

Helen’s eyes lit up, a smile spreading on her lips. “That would be wonderful, my love,” she said, patting her cheek. “I’ll go get it started!” She turned, causing Caspian to duck his head lower in the comforter, and then moved from the room. As soon as the door clicked shut, Susan sprung from her bed like a coiled spring. She leapt to the door and pinned a chair beneath the knob. Turning, she faced Caspian full on and he could not help noticing that her robe had come undone and her nightgown was hugging her body. He quickly averted his eyes, turning away from the sight.

They were silent for a long moment, neither meeting each other’s eyes. Finally, Caspian cleared his throat and whispered, “That was your mother, then?”

“Yes,” Susan whispered back, finally looking in his direction. “You have been invited to breakfast.”

“I heard.” Susan’s breath caught in her throat and she averted her eyes again. He knew she was thinking about what else had been said. “Susan,” he whispered. “I love you.”

Her eyes darted to his, deep blue and sparkling. She smiled a brilliant, radiant smile as she whispered back, “I know.” She looked around the room and a problem dawned on her. “Um, Caspian,” she continued. “I need to get dressed.”

“Oh,” he replied, nodding. He also glanced around the room, noticing the lack of privacy screen. “ _Oh!_ ” He repeated, blushing now. “What would you like me to do?”

“Um,” Susan glanced around the room as she thought rapidly. “Perhaps if you covered your head with the comforter,” she offered. He nodded and pulled the comforter over his head. On a side note, she added, “And don’t peek.”

“Never.”

With the comforter over his head, Caspian found that his hearing had heightened. He heard the soft whisper of fabrics as Susan disrobed, and the gentle squeaking of the wardrobe doors as she opened them in search of clothing. He heard her shuffling around the room and hopping up and down. At one point she began mumbling under her breath for a time, and finally she called his name. “I’m ready,” she said.

He pulled the comforter from his head, taking in the sight of her. She wore her school uniform, with her hair pulled back elegantly. “We should go,” she said, gesturing to him. As he rose to his feet he straightened his clothes. With a giggle, Susan reached up and flattened his hair down. She reached down and grabbed his hand.

Once at the door, Susan stuck her head out and looked down the hallway. Peter’s door was slightly ajar, but the lights were off. He was not there. As she was watching, Edmund shuffled from his room, heading down the hall. As he hit the stairs, Lucy emerged from her room, giving a glance down the way to Susan’s door. “Lucy,” Susan whispered. “Come here.”

Lucy turned and headed down the hall toward her. As she got closer, Susan pushed the door open wider and revealed Caspian standing beside her. “What is going on?” Lucy demanded, glaring wide eyed at the man standing in her sister’s room. “Has he been here all night?” she barked quietly.

“No,” Susan snapped back. “He needed to talk. He only arrived after I came back up from tea with you.” She sighed and pulled Lucy into the bedroom. “None of this matters, Luce. I need you to cause a distraction so that I can pretend to let Caspian in the front door.”

Lucy glared at her sister before switching her glare to Caspian. “Fine,” she growled. “But I don’t agree with this at all.” As she turned away, she threw another glance at Caspian. “We’re going to talk later,” she finished, stalking off.

When she was gone, Caspian turned to look at Susan. “What was that about?” he asked.

“She thinks that we’ve spent the night together.”

Caspian’s eyes filled with confusion for a long moment, and then realization dawned in his eyes. “Oh,” he whispered. “She will kill me, won’t she?”

Susan laughed, leading him out of the room and down the hall. “Come on,” she said. “I want you to meet my parents.”

 

The family was gathered in the dining room, looking around at the spread that their mother had prepared. Clive Pevensie stood at the head of the table, curiously counting plates. “Helen,” he called, “Who is joining us?”

“A friend of Susan’s,” Helen called back from the kitchen. Lucy came into the room from behind Clive and strolled to her seat.

She began speaking, wishing everyone a good morning very loudly. They all turned to stare at her. Unseen by them, Susan and Caspian tiptoed to the front door. Susan came back as Lucy stopped speaking and jumped from the bottom step. The family turned to greet her as a knock sounded from the direction of the door.

“I’ll get it!” Susan erupted, quickly, darting to where Caspian stood in the foyer, just out of view. She opened and closed the door rapidly, before anyone could come out to greet them. “Caspian!” she exclaimed, a bit too excitedly. Caspian knew that her nerves were getting to her. “My parents are home, they would love for you to join us for breakfast!”

With a slight smile, Caspian placed his hand on Susan’s arm lightly, trying to calm her. She took a deep breath as he replied in his velvety voice, “I’d love to meet them.” Susan smiled as she turned to lead him around the corner.

Five sets of eyes were plastered on them as they came around the corner. “Mother, Father,” Susan began. “This is Caspian Tennyson, nephew of Commodore Gloster of the Royal Navy. Caspian,” she said, turning to gesture to the adults. “These are my parents, Clive and Helen Pevensie.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you,” Caspian drawled, a smile in place. He offered his hand to Clive and then bowed low to Helen. “I have heard so much about you both.”

Clive moved to speak but Helen cut him off. “And I have heard all about you, son,” she said, a genuine smile in place. “Why don’t you sit down, and I will serve breakfast.” She gestured to Susan’s seat. “Why don’t you put him beside you, Sue,” she finished, smiling broadly.

“Thank you, Mrs. Pevensie,” he said. “It is such a pleasure for you to ask me to join your family breakfast.” Susan’s heart began to hammer in her chest.

“You are most welcome,” Helen said as she turned to re-enter the kitchen. Susan sat beside Caspian, daring to glance across the table at her eldest brother. He was watching her and nodding, a faint smile on his lips. He was right, she knew. It would all be all right.


	14. Threat of Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's a shocking amount of bickering.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a month. The month passed without a problem, leaving Susan wondering what she had been so worried about when she thought of introducing Caspian to her parents. They had welcomed him into the family almost completely. His father had invited him on a family picnic into the country, and included him in almost every family dinner. When Susan’s mother heard that Caspian’s uncle was away in the military she had insisted that he come over for breakfast as well. There had been no more midnight visits to Susan’s room, though.

 Even now Caspian was sitting in the parlor, playing chess with Edmund while her mother prepared dinner in the kitchen. Susan sat in the dining room, completing homework with Lucy as she listened to her mother humming in the room just beyond the door. “Luce,” she whispered. “Luce, I need to talk to you.”

Lucy looked up at her; her eyes were dark. Susan had tried explaining that nothing had happened between her and Caspian that night, but Lucy did not believe her. She was still giving her the cold shoulder and withering glares. “What is it?” Lucy asked, not bothering to lower her voice. “Geometry?”

“No,” Susan hissed, glancing to the door. “It’s about Caspian.” In the kitchen, their mother continued humming.

“Oh,” Lucy replied, rolling her eyes back to her paper. “Interrupt me when I care.”

Susan sighed and glanced back down at her geometry homework. She really did need help with her homework, but she needed to talk to Lucy more. “Luce,” Susan said again, more softly. “Please.”

“No,” Lucy replied. “I don’t want to hear it.” She did not look back up as she went back to writing her report. A few moments later she brought her head back up. “Why can’t you just tell me things, Sue?” Lucy whispered. “We’re sisters.”

“I did tell you!” Susan snapped quietly. “I’ve told you a hundred times! He showed up after tea in the kitchen and nothing happened!”

Lucy rolled her eyes again and whispered, “Yes, but you have been so different since then.”

Realization dawned in Susan’s eyes. She had been rather relaxed and happy since Caspian had met her parents; she had never believed that Lucy would interpret it incorrectly. “Oh, Luce,” she sighed. “I’m so sorry!” Lucy stared at her. “I’ve just been so relieved that Mother and Father accepted him so readily. I’ve never kept anything from you!”

“Oh,” Lucy replied, dropping her eyes back to her paper. They were silent for a long moment, listening to Helen humming in the kitchen. “I’m sorry, Sue,” she added, not lifting her eyes. Susan nodded, falling silent.

They sat in silence for a long time, each working on their individual homework. After awhile Caspian came in through the archway from the hall, in search of Susan. Lucy glanced up, and nodded to him. It was the most she had acknowledged him without her parents since that morning. He came over to where Susan was bent over her geometry and watched for a moment. “Are you all right?” he asked softly.

“I’ve never understood math, even when I studied it before,” Susan replied.

Lucy cleared her throat. “She used to joke that she would decree that math was unjust and that to teach it was treason,” the younger girl muttered. Caspian snorted laughter and Lucy beamed up at him. “I told her that she was being unreasonable, but she never listened.”

At that moment, the air raid sirens sounded, sending them all into a flurry. From the kitchen, Helen ran in, sweeping them toward the foyer. “Go,” she cried, pushing Lucy from her chair. Caspian already had Susan’s hand and was pulling her toward the back door. Edmund skid from the parlor, falling in behind them as Peter appeared at the foot of the stairs. He perched himself on the banister and slid down, hopping off to step in time with Edmund. From his study their father emerged, running behind them. They burst out of the back door and dashed across the backyard to the shelter. The seven of them crowded in and Peter and Clive wedged the door shut.

Almost instantly, Lucy vaulted herself into one of the top bunks and curled into a ball. Susan crawled up beside her and the younger girl leaned into her. Helen sat on the opposite lower bunk, tucking her feet underneath her. Caspian and Peter leaned against the corrugated steel walls while Edmund plopped down on the floor. It was a customary and comfortable set up, and the siblings had fallen into it almost unknowingly.

“I wonder how long we will have to wait-” Peter began. Before he could finish his sentence the ground shook, throwing them to the ground. Caspian and Peter collided and Susan almost fell to the ground from the top bunk. Lucy grabbed her and pulled her close, holding tight to the bed frame.

Helen waited a moment before unwrapping herself from the post on the side of the bunk bed. “That one was close,” she muttered as Clive went to the door of the shelter. He opened it slightly and saw smoke rising up from down the street.

“Very close,” he added, pulling the door shut again. Susan huddled down deeper into the bunk bed and pulled Lucy tight. “We might be here for awhile,” Clive continued.

Peter plopped down on the bunk below the girls and pulled one knee up. Another bomb dropped, a bit further away, that shook them again. Above him, Susan squeezed her eyes shut. Caspian watched her from where he stood at the edge of her bed. He watched her fists clenching and unclenching and he knew that she wanted a weapon in them. By his feet, Edmund had his eyes closed and he could see his muscles tensing in a sword fight occurring in his head. Peter was the only Pevensie sibling that was staring straight up, but his eyes were clouded. It was then that Caspian finally realized that to the Pevensie siblings this was a war that they could not fight; it was a war that they could not win.

“Are you all right?” Caspian asked Susan, reaching up to touch her hand. She squeezed it and nodded slightly, still holding onto Lucy. Lucy’s eyes were squinted shut, and she had her arm around Susan. At first, Caspian did not know who was leaning on whom, but within a moment he recognized that they were simply together. He squeezed her hand again and then slid onto the bunk beside Peter. “What about you, Pete?” he asked.

The young man cut his eyes to Caspian, and then to his parents across the way. “I’m okay,” he replied quietly. “I’m a bit hungry.”

“As soon as the all clear sounds, we’ll have dinner,” Helen said, leaning into her husband’s shoulder. “It’s almost ready.”

“Mother,” Susan said, “Did you turn off the stove?”

“Yes.”

Susan nodded, leaning her cheek against Lucy’s hair. “I wish this war were over,” Susan said. “Wars are such ugly affairs.”

Lucy’s voice was slightly muffled as she turned her head to speak. “They might be ugly, but sometimes you have to fight.” She met Susan’s eyes as she pulled away, and Susan nodded lightly. Lucy buried her face again and waited for the silence to break.

 

In the parlor late that night, Susan sat in the window seat. All the lights were off in the room and she was watching the street out the glass plates. Lucy appeared in the archway and watched her for a long minute. “What are you thinking about all by yourself?” she asked, stepping into the room.

Susan reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear as she turned to look at her sister. “Did Caspian seem especially quiet to you this evening?” she asked.

The younger girl came across the room and crawled into the window seat beside her. “A bit,” she answer truthfully, “But our mortality was called into question tonight, and I think that everyone was uncomfortable with the location of that bomb.”

“Yes,” Susan agreed, looking out the window. “But we’ve come closer to death than that before. I mean, Caspian’s own uncle attempted to kill him the night he called to us.” She fell silent again, finding comfort in the proximity of her sister; a proximity that she had missed this past month. Lucy reached out and took her hand to squeeze it. “Perhaps I’m simply overreacting, I’m sure it is nothing.”

“Probably,” Lucy replied, sliding from the window seat. “We should head off to bed, Sue. It’s late and we have school in the morning.”

“All right,” Susan said, also rising to her feet. She drew the blackout curtains and followed Lucy out of the parlor and up the stairs; they parted ways in the hallway, each heading off to their respectful bedrooms.

 

Breakfast had not been any more eventful than dinner; Caspian maintained his responses to questions but did not begin any conversations. Susan watched him carefully, chewing easily on her food. Beside her, Lucy looked on, observing in her silent way. She reached along under the table and brushed her hand to Susan’s. They locked eyes and Lucy squeezed her hand. Originally Lucy had thought that Susan was overreacting to the idea that something was bothering Caspian, but watching him brought the same idea to her mind.

She began to wonder if he was regretting the choices of the last month. He had given up the peace of Narnia for a war torn London and it may have finally sunk in the night before. Peter and Edmund did not seem to notice a difference in Caspian, but they were more likely to ignore the situation. Across the table, Caspian did not bring his eyes up to meet Susan’s heavy gaze and Lucy could not help but offer up a prayer that he was not second guessing his feelings for her.

She was the first one done with breakfast and excused herself almost immediately. Susan followed on her heels, joining her in the foyer. The boys seemed to finish eating in one fell swoop and moved as one unit into the doorway. Susan did not look up as she jogged down the stairs, leaving the siblings behind. Caspian quickly followed, falling into step with her. Her siblings brought up the rear, keeping their distance.

“Susan,” Caspian began softly. “Are you all right?”

Blue eyes darted to him, her lips in a firm line. “Of course I’m all right. You are the one that is behaving strangely.”

Caspian heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry,” he replied, looking away. “That bomb last night has me shaken.”

“Is that all?” Susan asked, her eyes widening. “It was nothing, Caspian. We are safe.”

With an exasperated sigh, Caspian pulled her to a stop. Behind them, the remaining Pevensie siblings froze, watching. “Don’t you understand?” Caspian practically shouted. “That bomb almost killed us. It almost killed you! And there was nothing that I could do to stop it!” A flush rose in Susan’s cheeks as realization hit her. “I don’t know why I was sent here, but it can’t be to watch you die.”

“That is ludicrous,” Susan snapped angrily. “I have lived through much worse than this war! I have watched people get murdered in cold blood. It is nothing but some pretty fireworks, Caspian.” Caspian reached out to pull her closer, but she recoiled from his hand. “If you are going to turn sullen about this war, then you can just walk on ahead to school. I had enough of that with Edmund.”

“Hey,” Edmund muttered, forgetting that they were within hearing distance. Susan shot him an icy look and he turned away. “I wasn’t that annoying,” he whispered, rolling his eyes.

If Susan and Caspian heard him, they did not let on. Caspian’s hand was frozen in mid-air, stopped in its tracks to Susan’s arm. “I cannot stand losing you again, Susan. Not in a war that I cannot stop.”

Susan groaned irritably, turning away. “You cannot believe that I will die in this ridiculous war,” she barked. “Not after all that I have done.”

“I believe anyone can die in this war, Susan. It is not the discerning kind. It is a war fought without valor, without belief. It is a war filled with needless death and weapons designed to kill anyone near to them. This is not about armies, it is about body counts. I will not just stand by as you become another number!”

Susan glared at him furiously and then turned on her heel. “We will be late for school,” she called, her voice dark. She stomped ahead, her back rigid, her steps heavy.

Behind him, the Pevensies came along, stopping only momentarily to get him moving. Lucy fell into step beside him and began speaking quietly, “Don’t mind her, Caspian. Ever since we fought against Jadis she has believed that she can protect herself. I think she has needed it, since Peter and Edmund were always more interested in protecting the people.”

“She can’t always protect herself,” Caspian muttered down to her. “And I cannot lose her as I have before.”

“I know,” Lucy answered in a voice that spoke of age. “But you must understand that Susan is unaccustomed to feeling venerable. Even though she is, she refuses to be reminded of it. If you are to be with her, this is something you must know.”

“Thank you,” Caspian replied, watching the girl moving ahead of them. Her back was ramrod straight, her head high, and her shoulders squared. She seemed to be made of steel and stone, but he knew just how soft she was. He simply could not remind her.

 

Gathered on the front lawn that stretched between the schools, the student body did not pay much attention to the Pevensie siblings. Scattered throughout the crowd there was a faint murmur, and Susan rolled her eyes. The sword fight on Caspian’s first day was still a staple in the school, and she had heard many speculations as to where he and Peter had learned such a sport. She had noticed more girls looking at her eldest brother with interest; watching him as he moved across the field or walking down the stairs in the Underground.

From across the way, near the boy’s stairs, strolled Jonathan. He had his accomplices with him, and they trailed him by a few feet. He headed in their direction, his eyes on Peter. “Pevensie,” he snorted, rolling his eyes over him.

“What is it this time?” Peter asked, annoyance edging his voice. He stared evenly at Jonathan, his face immobile. “Did I tread on your foot from over here?” Susan could hear the clipped and even tone he used when annoyed with a royal guard or servant.

Jonathan did not respond as he returned Peter’s gaze. After a moment he cut his eyes to Caspian and held his gaze. “Tennyson,” he added, holding his stare.

“Oh,” Susan groaned, stepping to move around them. She was tired of the show of manhood with all of this stupidity. One of Jonathan’s lackeys overstepped his boundaries and shoved Susan backwards. She tumbled into Edmund, who caught her on reflex, more startled than prepared.

Almost instantaneously Peter and Caspian were moving as one unit to strike Jonathan and his party. “Wait!” Jonathan cried, holding up his hands. His face was flushed. “That was not meant to happen!” Caspian and Peter froze, watching carefully. Under their close scrutiny, Jonathan turned to his friend and barked, “What are you doing, you imbecile!” The boy cowered down slightly.

Edmund pushed Susan back to her feet as Jonathan turned back. She fell in beside Caspian and gripped his arm. “Enough,” Caspian snapped, eyes flashing. “If you touch her again-”

 “Stop,” she said loudly, cutting him off and looking around. All over the lawn people were staring and whispering. “That’s enough,” she finished, meeting Caspian’s angry gaze with her own.

He nodded slightly, taking a step back. His arm fell easily around Susan’s waist, a display of affection that was uncommon for them at school. Susan was too flustered to push him away.

He steered Susan away from the scene, moving her toward the front steps of her school. Neither spoke as they moved up the stairs. Caspian stopped at the door, either not noticing or not caring that there were a hundred sets of eyes on them. “See you after classes,” he offered, brushing his hand along her cheek. This time she flushed.

“Fine,” she replied, coldly, watching as he turned and jogged back down the stairs to join Peter and Edmund. Lucy arrived beside her sister and once the boys had vanished through the doors of the school she turned and led the way into the halls.

 

Archery relaxed her, it always had. Even before Narnia had happened she had found it therapeutic. Today was no different. She found that it was easy to forget the whispers when she had a bow and arrow in her hands. When she held the school bow in her hand, she missed her Narnian bow terribly; at home her bows were of a higher quality, but they did not outshine the one that had been custom-made for her by the workings of magic.

She held her bow out before her, pulling the string taut, the arrow at the ready. She wore her arm guard on her left arm, having brought it from home and as she let the arrow go, she was startled by the ease and speed in which it flew. Her mind had been moving so slowly that the rapidity of the arrow pushed her from her reverie. Beside her another girl let her own arrow loose, sending it into the outermost ring of the target. Susan’s arrow sailed through the air and landed in the dead center of the target, even without paying attention to the location.

“Susan,” a voice said from behind her. As she turned, she saw Cecily standing there, long honey blonde hair pulled back, bright blue eyes wide. “May I speak with you?” she asked. Susan dropped her bow arm to her side and turned to face her. “I have seen how you and Caspian complement each other, Susan.”

“Yes,” Susan replied, unwilling to offer any more.

“I wanted to apologize for all that happened,” Cecily said. “I know now that I was wrong to assume that you were not of a decent enough breed for someone of his station.” She dropped her eyes, abashed. “I see now how he looks at you, and I find myself embarrassed by the way that I ignored that.”

Susan watched her for a long moment, weighing the bow in her hand. Subconsciously, she hefted an arrow in her fingers and twirled it easily. “All right,” she answered, lifting the arrow and turning back to the targets. She brought the arrow up to pull back the string, without fully focusing she let it fly straight into the heart of the target. Behind her, Cecily gasped openly at the fluid motion and movement of her hands. Almost before the arrow had hit the target, Susan had scooped up another arrow and set it sailing. As soon as the second arrow hit home, Susan spun and dropped the bow to her side again. “I should be going, Cecily,” she added. “Excuse me.”

“Of course,” Cecily said, stepping aside to make room for her to walk by. “Susan,” Cecily called. When Susan turned back, Cecily added, “I could not help but notice that you and Caspian were having a disagreement this morning. If you ever need anyone to talk to, please feel free to come to me. I know that your sister is too young for such things.”

“Thank you, Cecily,” Susan countered in her best sovereign voice, “I shall take it into consideration.” She turned and left Cecily staring after her in confusion, uncertain as to whether Susan had agreed to her idea or simply left without hearing anything. To Susan, it did not matter. The girl knew nothing of her or her family, and she had too much going on to care.

As their class filed inside, the younger girls were heading out. Lucy hated field classes, but when Susan passed her she met her gaze and nodded toward the field. Susan fell out of line and followed the younger girls. Lucy stepped off to one side and waited patiently for Susan to appear beside her. When she did, Lucy turned to face her. “I saw you speaking to Cecily,” she said, gesturing to one of the windows. “What was said?”

“She saw the tension between Caspian and me and attempted to infiltrate it.”

“Ah,” Lucy replied, nodding. “I see.”

“No matter, it will be cleared up soon. He will have to accept that I can protect myself sooner or later.”

“Susan, you need to accept that everyone needs protection, even you.”

“You don’t know what you are saying, Lucy.”

Her sister looked up at her. “I do know what I’m saying. You do not always need to be strong.”

With a groan, Susan turned away and started heading back to the building. “I’m going to be late,” she called, over her shoulder.

“Let him protect you here, Sue,” Lucy whispered, more to herself than to Susan. “Before he thinks of another way.”

 


	15. Changes in the Atmosphere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a choice is made.

As the last bell sounded, Susan merged into the hallway. She had glimpsed Cecily in the halls, but the girl had not made a move to intercept her or speak to her in anyway. In fact, when they had met eyes accidently she had merely nodded and moved on with her group of friends. It was almost as if the animosity had never occurred and that made Susan feel uneasy. In her experience, if someone pretended that something was different then the truth, it meant that they were hiding something. Suspicions clouded Susan's mind whenever Cecily appeared in her vision.

Ahead of her she saw several of the younger girls, hair in similar plaits. Among them was the familiar light brown hair of Lucy. She was walking with them, whispering about something in conspiratorial tones. Susan envied her younger sister. The girl had no problems making friends with anyone, including a fawn that had reported her to the wicked witch. Lucy could befriend a stick, and then she could make the stick be friends with a rock; she would accomplish all of this by smiling and inviting them to tea. The strange thing would be that they would both show up. Lucy could do anything; Susan was always just a bit more timid.

They younger girls had reached the door, bursting out into the light of day. Across the lawn, Caspian and Peter lounged languidly on the grasses, Edmund standing erect a few feet away. His eyes were pointed up. Lucy stopped to say farewell to her friends, leaving them with a few kind words of encouragement for their homework that evening. Susan stayed back to watch a drama unfolded before her eyes. From across the lawn strolled Cecily, her eyes heavily lidded. Lucy's own eyes narrowed, her fists clenching. Susan stepped back into the school, willing to watch from the wings. Edmund turned away, having not noticed Cecily's approach. He was watching another girl, Eleanor Wright, talking with her friends. Cecily approached Caspian and Peter with meaning, her hips swaying to and fro.

From Susan's distance she could not hear what was being said, but Caspian was watching her from under a shading hand. Peter was squinting up at her, his brow furrowed, lips downturned. She was gesturing with her hands quite a bit, obviously engrossing them in some sort of tale. Susan saw doubt cloud Caspian's eyes, and his mouth went a bit firmer around the edges. He gave her a short, clipped response; he did not seem to care about what she replied to him. He was already gazing in the direction of the school, seemingly waiting for Susan to emerge. She ducked further back into the shadows of the building, watching carefully as Cecily tried again.

This time, Caspian did not even respond to her. His eyes were still focused directly on the school as if he knew that she stood there, watching him. With a sigh, she emerged into the sunlight, feeling the warmth slide over her. His eyes brightened as she saw her, and he rose to his feet. Cecily stopped speaking abruptly as Caspian's actions cut her off mid-sentence. She turned to see him moving toward where Susan stood, her eyes frozen on Cecily. As Caspian came close to her, she descended the steps and slid her hand into his. "What's going on?" she whispered.

Caspian turned to look back at Cecily before meeting Susan's eyes again. "She says that she wanted to apologize for all that happened, and extended an invitation for us to join her at City Centre for a film this evening." His eyes narrowed at her, "She says that you have made amends." His hand squeezed hers, his eyes filled with uncertainty.

In a single stabbing moment, Susan realized that she had opened him up to a world of uncertainty and untruths. She squeezed his hand in return and replied, "Yes, we have made amends. She approached me on the archery field to talk."

"She approached you while you were holding a bow and arrow?" Caspian joked, his eyes bright. When Susan smiled up at him, he continued, "She's brave."

Her smile brightening, Susan replied, "She has no idea what I'm capable of." Caspian nodded. "I would prefer not attending City Centre. The films in the park are for soldiers and families. I've never enjoyed the crowds."

He turned to wrap his arm around her waist and lead her over to the group. Peter was still lounging on the grass, leaned back with his face tilted up toward the rare sunlight streaming through the fog. Lucy stood beside him, clutching her books to her chest. Cecily was watching with seemingly uninterested eyes, but as they came closer Susan saw a fire hidden deep within her blue depths. She was upset with something that had happened.

"Hello, Cecily," Susan said, a smile in place. "It is a pleasure to see you again." They fell in beside Lucy and Susan dropped a glance to her. She saw the firm set of her lips and her knuckles were practically white from gripping the books in her arms. "Luce," she said, squeezing her sister's arm. "Are you all right?"

Lucy stole a glance over her shoulder; she was angry, Susan knew, but she did not know what she was angry about. "I'm fine," Lucy replied. "I would like to head home."

"Of course," Susan replied, gesturing to Peter. "Cecily, Caspian has told me of your wonderful offer of attending the films at City Centre. I don't think we will be able to be there, my parents are back in town and they will expect us for dinner."

"Dinner?" Cecily asked, glancing to Caspian. "All of you?" He nodded, smiling at her. "I see."

"Well," Caspian said, bending down to scoop up his books from next to Peter. The young man also climbed to his feet and picked up his bag. A few feet away, Edmund finally turned, tearing his eyes from the group of girls heading off to the Underground station. "We had better be off, then," Caspian finished, offering an arm to Susan. Susan accepted it and smiled warmly as Caspian offered his other arm to Lucy. "Ladies," he said, nodding his head toward the station. "Cecily, it has been a pleasure." Without another glance in her direction, Caspian led the girls past Cecily, allowing Edmund and Peter to fall into step with them. The five of them moved in the direction of the Underground stairs.

Once downstairs they dropped arms and waited in silence. Lucy remained on one side of Caspian, while Susan remained on the other. Neither spoke, but both sensed the need to speak. Lucy did not know if it was the years submerged in magic or simply a bond between sisters, but they always seemed to feel each other's emotions. Between them, Caspian stood like a wall, blocking their view. But like any wall he could not keep the sound of intuition at bay. The train slid into the station within a few moments, and Lucy stepped forward to follow Peter and Edmund onto the train. Behind her, Caspian and Susan fell into step.

Most of the students from school were on their way home, including Jonathan and his lackeys. They waited off to the side, and Susan saw Jonathan sneak a glance at them, and then away. She smiled faintly to herself, it seemed as though Jonathan's bullying days were coming to the end. Once through the sliding doors of the train, Susan stepped off to one side with Lucy while the men stepped off to another side to allow the people behind them to filter in.

Once separated from the men, Lucy reached over to squeeze Susan's hand. The older sister bent slightly to get within ear range of her younger sister almost instinctively. "I heard something that I needed to tell you about," Lucy whispered. "It's about Caspian."

"All right," Susan replied, stepping further from the men and sitting down with Lucy. "What is it?"

"Well, one of my friends is Rebecca Marsh's younger sister. Rebecca is best friends with Cecily Marin." Susan nodded as the train lurched into movement. "Sarah says that Rebecca says that Cecily made a comment about how she plans on taking Caspian to the social next week." Lucy's eyes darted to where Caspian stood with Peter and Edmund. She dropped her voice a bit more. "I think she is planning to try to drive a wedge between you two."

Susan nodded again and shifted her gaze to Caspian. "She won't," the girl answered, a smile playing on her lips. "War is not always fought on a battlefield, Luce." Beside her, Lucy nodded.

The girls rose to their feet and rejoined the men on the other side of the door. "Is everything all right?" Peter asked softly, gauging their faces. Susan nodded once, sharply, and then smiled faintly. Caspian met her eyes and nodded, smiling in return. For now, Susan was peaceful, but Caspian was already forming an idea in his mind. He would find a way to protect her.

* * *

The house was quiet as Susan sat at the desk in her father's study. He was outside, playing cricket with the boys and Lucy was reading an assigned book in the parlor. Her mother was hanging laundry out and she was sitting silently at the desk, staring at the wall. She had come into the office looking for a pen and had found herself sitting in the chair, staring at nothing in particular. She knew that Lucy would miss her soon and probably come in search, but for now she enjoyed the silence of the room.

She picked up a pen and drummed it on the desktop, listening to the rhythmic sound it made. The sound echoed off of the walls and resounded through the open doorway, bouncing down the hallway and disappearing into the foyer. She closed her eyes and listened, feeling the vibrations of the sound as she felt the direction of an arrow as it flew from her bow and spun away from her. Around the pen, her fingers tingled and tightened. She pulled her hands back, holding them in the familiar formation of her bow and arrow. She felt the string go taut beneath her fingertips, the tension of the bow bending back. She felt the weight of the arrow in her hand as her thumb touched her cheek. She was pulled back and waiting. As the last phantom noise struck the front door, Susan let her ghost arrow fly. She almost expected to hear the whistling of the wind as it sliced it in two.

"Sue?" Lucy said from the doorway. Susan opened her eyes to see her sister staring at her. "What are you doing?"

Dropping her hands, Susan smiled. "Remembering," she replied, placing the pen back on the desk. "I miss my bow and arrow," she continued, glancing away.

"Yes," Lucy replied, stepping into the room. "I can see the archery field from my classes, I know."

"It just makes me feel complete," Susan added, meeting Lucy's eyes. "Sometimes I feel like it is a part of me." Lucy nodded, coming over to pat her hand. "I want to go back, Luce."

"I know," Lucy replied, nodding. "But we can't. There's no way back."

"It's not so bad here," a deep voice said from the doorway. The girls turned to see Caspian leaning in the doorjamb. He had a slight sheen from the cricket game and his hair was slightly damp at the edges. He had his blazer slung over his shoulder and his ankles crossed nonchalantly as he smiled at her. She found his bright blue eyes and nodded, smiling in return. "What are you ladies doing in here?" he asked, tilting his head to the right.

"Susan was shooting me with imaginary arrows," Lucy joked.

"You were standing in my line of fire," Susan laughed.

Caspian watched her for a long moment, and then spoke. His voice was hushed, his eyes slightly darker. "Susan, I would like to speak with you, if I could," he said, glancing to Lucy instead of Susan. Lucy nodded, shifting a glance to her sister.

"Of course," Susan said, nodding. Lucy moved past Caspian and reached to close the door behind her. It was a gesture of trust that Caspian had not been expecting, it spurred him on. He moved into the center of the room, his eyes falling on Susan in the chair. "What is it, Caspian?" Susan asked, gesturing to the chair beside the desk.

He sat down, feeling as though he had stumbled into a throne room, but he was on the wrong side of the steps. He did not know if it was the memory of holding her bow and arrow but Susan seemed very majestic all of a sudden. "I have been thinking," Caspian began, glancing down at his hands. "That perhaps I have been going about this all wrong." Susan watched the top of his head, and the way his hair swayed with his movement. "I thought that coming here would be easier than remaining in Narnia. I thought that perhaps I would find my true calling here." He glanced up at her and she found herself shocked at the haunted look in his eyes. "However, I do not fit in to your life the way that I felt I would," he said. Susan closed her eyes and listened to the words he spoke, her heart plummeting to her stomach. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

"Caspian?" Susan asked; her voice cracking. As she looked at him, he saw the tears brimming in her eyes. Instantly, his heart sped up. Her tears shattered his defenses and stabbed him in the chest. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" he asked, watching her. She was staring at him, her hands shaking slightly. He reached out for her hands, but she recoiled from him, pulling them back hiding them in her lap. "Susan," Caspian muttered, watching her wring her hands.

"Are you having second thoughts," Susan whispered. "About us?"

Realization dawned in his eyes and they fell to the ground, his own tears welling up. "Oh, Susan," he whispered, sliding from the chair to his knees at her feet. She was shaking minutely, her hands grasping each other as she tried to maintain a steady breath. "That is not what I am saying, my love," Caspian continued. "I have come here for you; I cannot just walk away from that. You are a part of me." Susan exhaled, her eyes closing. "I am just so worried, all of the time. I don't know how to handle it. I want to fight for you, Susan, the way you fought so strongly for me. It is overwhelming." He reached up and brushed his hand along her cheek. "I feel like I might lose you."

Tears were still sitting on the apples of her cheeks, and he brushed them away. "You scared me," she whispered, her hands shaking.

"I did not mean to frighten you, but I do have something I wish to discuss. A choice that I have made," Caspian said, his velvety voice flowing over her. She nodded; eyes wide. There was a soft tapping on the door and before she could respond, Lucy pushed it open.

She took in the scene in a moment, Susan with tears in her eyes, Caspian on the floor at her feet, hands intertwined. She looked sheepish for a long second and then stepped all the way in, leaving the door slightly ajar. "Father is heading this way," she whispered. Instantly, Caspian was on his feet and across the room, moving so quickly that the girls hardly saw him move. He stopped in front of the bookshelf and squatted down to look at the books on the lower shelves. Lucy came across the room and leaned over the desk, a plan already forming in her head. She grabbed a pencil and began scrawling on a piece of paper.

As the door opened, Lucy began speaking and Susan marveled at how she was able to begin conversations in the middle to avoid detection. She would have to pay closer attention to her sister. "So, then in order to solve this part of the equation," Lucy rattled off. Looking down at the paper, Susan was astonished to see a geometry equation scrawled in Lucy's elegant writing on the once blank sheet of paper. Clive Pevensie appeared in the doorway, a broad smile on his face.

"Caspian," he said, wiping his brow. "Where did you disappear to? The boys are destroying me."

"Oh," he replied, stretching as though he had been sitting in the same position for a long time. "I was just looking at your wonderful library."

"It is something, isn't it?" Clive asked, admiring the long wall of books. "I spent years accumulating those novels."

Lucy and Susan exchanged glances. "Well," Susan said, smiling at her younger sister. "Thank you for your help, Luce. I'm going to see if Mother needs help in the kitchen."

"I'll go with you," Lucy replied. Susan slid a glance in Caspian's direction. Caspian nodded to her and watched as she headed out the door. His heart sank a little lower in his chest. The urge to protect her was so strong it seemed to burn him.

As the girls vanished from the room, Caspian turned back to Clive and said, "Mr. Pevensie, will you tell Mrs. Pevensie that I had some things that I needed to take care of and that I will not be back for dinner?" Clive nodded. "Tell her I'm terribly sorry."

"Is everything all right, son?" Clive asked, placing a hand on Caspian shoulder.

"Yes, sir," Caspian replied, nodding. "I just have a few things to do in the City." Clive nodded and Caspian turned to leave the room. He knew from his conversation with Susan that she may not feel the same way that he did. If Susan tried to stop him, he may be swayed. He must take action before he spoke to her. "Would it be all right if I stopped by this evening to speak with Susan?" Caspian asked, turning back. "It would not be for long."

Clive nodded. "Of course, Caspian," he agreed, "You are welcome here anytime you need."

"Thank you, sir." Caspian turned and strode from the room, gathering his coat in the foyer. He left the house quickly; glad to avoid the Pevensie children, afraid that he may change his mind.


	16. All in Due Course

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are secrets all around.

Dinner had come and gone, leaving Susan alone in the window seat of the parlor. The blackout curtains were drawn tight against the waning light of dusk, but she still felt the cool air radiating from the window behind them. Lucy sat across the room, her knees drawn up to her chest, reading David Copperfield while Peter and Edmund stared at the chess game that neither was interested in winning. Susan had a discarded copy of Vanity Fair in her hands, but she had not read a single sentence since her father had retired to his study. By the fire, Helen sat with her needlepoint, waiting for the clock to strike seven, as she always did. At seven she would go in, make a cup of tea and sit in the kitchen with her needlepoint. Often, Susan would join her, but tonight she was content in the window seat, waiting.

As the grandfather clock in the foyer struck seven, she discovered that she did not have to wait any longer. A knock sounded through the house and Susan bolted for the door. Peter and Edmund glanced up, but did not move to intercept. Lucy did not even glance up; they had been expecting Caspian since finishing dinner. Helen rose to her feet also, moving into the dining room. As she passed, she slipped Susan a glance and nodded. Susan smiled at her mother as she opened the inner door to the pass through. Caspian waited outside in the dark, just beyond the blackout curtains. Susan opened the door and he stepped in, pushing the curtains back into place.

“Susan,” he breathed; his voice darker than usual. “I have news.” He reached up and pulled off his cap, shoving it in his coat pocket. He had changed from his school uniform and into a dark, tailored suit and trench. They stepped into the foyer and Caspian removed his trench, hanging it on one of the hooks by the door. He glanced to the right and took in the Pevensie children sitting in the parlor. “May we speak in private?” he asked. She followed his gaze and nodded.

Leading the way into the dining room, Susan checked to be sure the blackout curtains were tightly closed before switching on the lamps. Caspian hovered in the archway, watching her from across the room. She came around the table and faced him before speaking. “What is your news, Caspian?” she asked, leveling her gaze at him. She was cool and collected, watching him. He felt his hands shaking; he gripped them behind his back.

“As you may know,” he began, keeping his voice steady. “I have recently been feeling as though I am unable to protect you in this war, in this life.” He looked away, shuffling his feet. “I am sure that you have noticed my discomfort in several situations that we have been placed in, and my inability to understand affairs in this world has put me at a disadvantage several times.” Susan nodded once, but did not speak. Her silence did nothing to still his nerves or quell his verbal purge. “I may not understand much of this world, but I can do one thing. I can fight for you.”

He saw Susan’s tranquility shatter as his words sank in. “You did not,” she whispered, her eyes widening. “Oh, Caspian!” Tears spilled over before he saw them brimming up, they cascaded down her pale cheeks and fell silently to the front of her dress.

“I need to protect you, Susan,” he repeated. “This is the best way to do that.”

“What happened to _a war filled with needless death and weapons designed to kill anyone_?” she asked softly. “What happened to _a war without valor_?”

His hands were still gripped behind him, he was unwilling to unclench them for fear of allowing her to see them shaking. It had not been a flash decision. He had even gone to the Commodore’s house and sorted through the package that had been left by the solicitor for the paperwork that had been created for the school’s records. With his falsified birth certificate in hand, he had headed off to the War Office in Whitehall. He had known the risks but even with the risks in mind, nothing had prepared him for the endless questions and tests that he was subjected to in the offices.

“I understand that you are scared,” he said, wringing his hands behind his back. “But I needed to do this. It will not be terribly long; not at all.”

“You do not even understand the weapons of war that you will be fighting against; you do not know what it will be like.” She turned away and moved to the curtained wall on one side of the room. With each step, Susan felt numbness seeping in. Her heart grew colder, her eyes grew heavier, and her breath grew more ragged. Caspian knew nothing of the technology available in their world, let alone the weapons of war or the politics of the military. By the time she had walked the seven steps to the blackout curtains, Susan had gone completely dead, the only thing still alive within her was her feet. Caspian did not move, but he followed her movements with his gaze. “What branch?” she asked, her voice so soft he barely heard it.

With a sigh, he rattled off what the man at the offices had told him. “I’ll be leaving next week to meet the Second Army in France.”

“France?” Susan whispered, reaching out to touch the blackout curtain before her. “You are going to France?”

“Yes,” Caspian replied, finally bringing his hands out from behind him. He ran his shaking fingers through his hair, brushing it from his eyes. Susan did not turn to look back at him; her shoulders were so still it was almost as if she had stopped breathing.

Before he could cross the distance between them, she inhaled and he realized that she had been holding her breath. “You will have to use a firearm, and grenades. Perhaps even drive a vehicle. You will need to be trained.”

“Yes,” he breathed in a sigh. “They will take care of all of that on the boat trip over, they said." He found his feet moving toward her, propelling him in her direction. His arms came around her waist, allowing her the freedom to pull away or lean against him. She chose the latter, pressing herself into his chest, her head touching his shoulder. She entwined her hands with his and locked her fingers in his. Her heart was so still it almost felt as if it wasn’t beating. “Susan, you must understand why I did this.”

Unable to speak, Susan rocked from her left foot to her right foot. Almost instantly, they fell into a sidestepping sway. Caspian’s arms were tight around her waist as she found her voice somewhere in her stomach. “I understand,” she whispered. “I just wish that it didn’t have to be this way.” She dropped her hands and turned to face him. They were far closer than propriety allowed, but Susan still pressed closer. She stretched up to kiss him lightly on the lips, holding him lightly.

When he pulled away, her eyes were closed and her head was tilted back. “I know it will be hard,” he whispered. “But it won’t be for long. It’s the right thing to do.”

As they stepped apart, Susan turned back to the blackout curtains. “We should tell the others,” she said. “They will need to know.” Caspian nodded, turning toward the archway.

Susan fell into step behind him, watching his back as he moved. Even in London, he moved like a warrior cat. He carried himself gracefully, in a manner that many men did not. He held himself as though he wore a sword, and walked with an air of majesty. In the parlor, Peter and Edmund had not moved from their chairs; the chess game continued without concern. Lucy had traveled several pages in David Copperfield, and she glanced up when Caspian entered. Behind him, Susan said, “I’m going to fetch Mother and Father. I’ll be right back.” She vanished quickly and they heard her footsteps heading down the hall toward the study.

Moments later, Clive strolled in and stopped beside Caspian. “Hello, son,” he said, offering a hand. “I trust that you finished your errands,” he continued.

“Yes,” Caspian said, nodding. Behind them, Helen came into the room. She slid up beside Clive and smiled at Caspian. “Hello, Mrs. Pevensie. I am terribly sorry for missing dinner.”

“Nonsense,” she replied, a smile on her face. “There is a plate on the warmer in the kitchen for you if you like.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Pevensie,” he said, “but first I have some news.”

Susan merged into the group, sliding back onto the window seat. Lucy stole a glance at Susan, tucking her book into her lap. The older sister sat ramrod straight on the window seat, her lips set in a firm line. Caspian maneuvered himself so that he stood before the family, to the left of Susan. He could not see her face from his location, but Lucy assumed that Susan already knew his news.

“This evening I went to Whitehall and I enlisted with the War Offices,” Caspian said, his eyes on Clive Pevensie.

Lucy stared openly; Edmund’s jaw dropped; Peter brought his hand to his head; Susan did not move a muscle. She met Peter’s eyes and saw within them her own fears and doubts. Caspian was not prepared to fight in this war. Her fears lay in her siblings’ eyes, while her parents beamed happily at the young man in their midst.

“What good news!” Helen announced. “Doing your patriotic duty and all of that!”

“Yes ma’am,” Caspian replied, turning to look at Susan in her seat. She feigned a smile, once he turned back to her parents she cut her eyes to Lucy. Lucy was watching her. She shrugged.

Clive had a smile on his face as he strolled over and clapped Caspian on the shoulder. “When do you ship out, soldier?” he asked proudly.

“Next week,” Caspian replied. “On Tuesday. I have to be at the train station by the strike of nine.”

“Congratulations, son,” Clive continued, his smile still is place. “Where are you heading to?”

“I’m meeting the Second Army in France.”

“France!” Clive replied, in surprise. “Perhaps that’s why the border was closed.” Beside him, Helen nodded. “Well, this is really exciting news! When will you tell your uncle?”

Caspian shrugged, he had not thought of telling the Commodore at all. He had been so concerned with telling Susan and helping her through it that he had not considered speaking to the man that was supposed to be his uncle. Truth be told, Caspian did not even think of the Commodore most of the time. “I will most likely write him a letter and give it to his solicitor. I don’t really know how to contact him,” Caspian said.

“Your guardian left you without a way to contact him?” Helen asked, surprise in her voice.

Instantly, Peter spoke up. “Well, you know how hard it is to give out contact information in the Navy. You never really know where they may end up. I’m sure the Commodore moves around frequently, after all,” he said.

“Of course,” Clive agreed, nodding. “Well, children, I really need to get back to work. I will see you in the morning. Congratulations again, Caspian.”

“Thank you, sir,” Caspian replied. Clive turned and moved back to the study at the end of the hall. After embracing Caspian, Helen excused herself from the room to prepare for bed.

Once alone, Susan deflated. Lucy darted to her side, sliding onto the seat with her. “Are you all right?” she asked, rubbing her arm. Susan nodded, her eyes filled with tears. “Would you like some tea?” Lucy asked, ignoring the looks they were getting from the men in the room.

“No, thank you,” Susan whispered. “I think I will head off to bed.”

“It’s only seven,” Edmund muttered, making a move on the board.

“Yes,” Susan said just as softly. “But I’m afraid I feel a headache coming on.”

Caspian watched her with a pained expression as Lucy helped her to her feet. “Susan,” he whispered, reaching out for her.

She reached out and squeezed his hand lightly. With a tiny smile, she said, “It’s all right, Caspian. I will see you tomorrow.” Caspian nodded, watching Lucy follow her from the room.

Once the girls’ footsteps receded up the stairs, Caspian turned to Peter and Edmund. “Well?” Caspian asked, lifting his hands up in askance. “What do you say?”

“You are insane, friend,” Peter grumbled. “You have not even been in this world for a month and a half and you are already signing yourself up for the military.”

Caspian crossed the room and sat in the chair beside the chess table. “And how long were you in Narnia before you were submerged in a war?” he switched his gaze to Edmund and finished, “Twice.”

“That is different,” Peter argued. “We had no choice. We were the Sons of Adam.”

“Oh, get off,” Edmund retorted. “We had a choice. What did we know of the Beavers and Mr. Tumnus? Nothing. We could have left. We chose not to.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “As I recall, you made that choice for us, brother. And as I recall, I was willing to leave you there with the Witch. Susan was the one that argued to save you,” he snapped, a hint of laughter dancing in his blue eyes. “You practically dragged us into that war.”

“I did no such thing,” Edmund argued. “I saw what we had to do, what we had to save.”

They glared at each other for a long time, leaving Caspian to dart his gaze back and forth for a long moment. Finally, the boys grinned as one. “Those were the days, weren’t they?” Edmund asked, a smile in place.

“The war was not so good, but the peace that followed,” Peter trailed off for a long moment. “That was something to revere.” He looked to Caspian. “I suppose I can see your point of view. We willingly fought for people we barely knew, animals that we had never known. We were better people for it. Why can’t you fight for people that you already know, already love?” Edmund nodded his agreement, his eyes on the chess board. Peter made a halfhearted move; he had never been as interested in chess as Edmund. Edmund scoffed and made his own move almost instantaneously. Peter rolled his eyes and made an equally quick move, leaving himself wide open.

“Checkmate,” Edmund barked, knocking Peter’s king to his side. “You would think that after thirty years you would get better.”

“Chess is just a mock battle,” Peter responded, picking up his king. “I prefer the real thing.”

“Why do you not enlist, Pete?” Caspian asked, suddenly.

“I am not quite old enough. I have six more months until my eighteenth birthday.” His face clouded over and his gaze darted to Caspian, “How did you get a birth certificate?”

Caspian shrugged. “The Commodore’s solicitor dropped a package of paperwork off for me at the house a few days ago. It was in there, as well as travel papers from Switzerland, where I was apparently at school. I suppose the Commodore told him the age that he last saw me, which would make me almost nineteen now.”

“You are older that me?” Peter asked, shocked.

“In a manner of speaking,” Caspian replied. “But you did rule Narnia twelve hundred and eighty years before I was born.”

“Ugh,” Edmund groaned. “Don’t make me think of it. The math makes my head spin.”

Peter and Caspian ignored him, speaking only amongst themselves. “I have entertained the idea of joining,” Peter said, his voice hushed. “But I cannot sign up for at least another year.” Caspian nodded. “You just have to promise me something,” Peter said, leveling his eyes at the man before him.

Caspian nodded. “Anything,” he said.

“You have to come back for Susan,” Peter said, his voice heavy. “You are not allowed to vanish in a week and not return.” Caspian saw the weight that those words put on him. Peter had protected his siblings for so long that he visibly ached with the effort it took to give Susan’s wellbeing to another.

“I swear to you,” Caspian said, his voice empty of humor. Edmund watched him with reverence, finally catching a glimpse of the man that Caspian must have become. “I will return to London in time.”

“That is all that I can ask,” Peter replied, nodding. He glanced to Edmund. “Now, perhaps you can beat this git.” Caspian grinned and switched seats with Peter.

 

Before breakfast was served, Susan dropped a note on the foyer table and escaped out the front door. Her bag was slung over her shoulder, and she wore a long coat over her school uniform. She had a specific destination in mind, but she knew that if she faced her family she would stay for breakfast and would not get time to herself. She moved across the foggy, London street toward the Finchley station. There was a park in City Centre where the soldiers went to stroll in the mornings; Susan needed to see them to wrap her mind around this turn of events.

She saw Caspian before he saw her and ducked into a doorway. He did not look left or right; he kept his eyes focused straight ahead. She watched him stroll past her hiding spot and turn onto the street where her house was. He would be concerned when he got there and found out that she had gone to City Centre for breakfast, but she needed time to think about what this might mean for them. She had school mates that had brothers or friends go off to war and they had said that nothing was really ever the same. Some men came back changed, speaking of horrors and death. Susan was not worried about all of that. Caspian had seen his own share of horrors, possibly worse than this war could provide.

She descended the steps to Finchley station and sat on the nearest bench. She feared losing him to this war, but not as much as she feared losing herself. She had been willing to put Narnia behind her, to move past what she had thought that she felt for him. When he had appeared she had even been willing to fight it, but soon lost that fight within herself. Now she had invested so much of herself into this relationship that she was terrified of letting him leave.

The train thundered into the station, startling her from her thoughts. She boarded the train, finding herself among a different type of commuter. All around her sat men in dark suits and trenchcoats, wearing hats low over their eyes. They did not look at Susan; instead they read slightly damp newspapers and murmured to each other. Susan found a seat and tucked her head down, keeping her eyes alert to movement. The train lurched to life, rumbling through the underground tunnels of the city.

 

Caspian knocked loudly on the front door of the Pevensie house and pulled his coat tighter around him. It was growing colder here, far cooler than it had ever been in Narnia. Lucy’s blurred form appeared in the inner room and she pushed the door open. “Good morning, Caspian,” she said with a smile. He noticed a slip of paper in her hand. “Come in. Mother just placed breakfast on the table.”

He stepped in and pulled his jacket off. Underneath was his blue school blazer, which he also shed. Lucy was reading the slip of paper in her hand. “What is it?” he asked, curiously leaning forward. It was scrawled in Susan’s elegant hand.

“Apparently, Susan is having breakfast in City Centre,” Lucy answered, folding the paper back in two and sliding it into her pocket. “She apologizes, but she had some things to take care of before classes.” Caspian watched her for a moment, nodding. Lucy turned and led the way into the dining room. The group looked up, welcoming smiles on their faces. Peter and Edmund were standing along the wall, waiting for their mother to set the food on the table. At the head of the table, Clive waited.

“Where is Susan?” he asked, looking at the duo that had entered. “Still getting dressed?”

“No, Father,” Lucy replied, stepping to her seat at the table. “She has gone into City Centre for breakfast. She will meet us at the Underground station there.”

Helen Pevensie looked up from the plate of hotcakes that she had just set on the table and said, “Is she all right, darling?”

“Yes, Mother,” Lucy replied. “I assume she is fine. She seemed a bit distracted after Caspian’s news yesterday evening.” The girl gazed pointedly at Caspian and added, “I’m sure she just needs time to understand it all.”

Caspian nodded, understanding her gaze. He had been wrong to spring such news on her and expect her to be happy with it as he was. Lucy moved to her seat, glancing around the table at her family. “Breakfast?” she asked, unfolding her napkin and dropping it into her lap. Peter and Edmund slid into their chairs, reaching for their own napkins.

“What are you children planning to do this evening?” Helen asked, looking around the table. She served herself some hotcakes as the children exchanged glances. She arched an eyebrow at them and then Clive. “Didn’t you tell them?”

“I forgot, my love,” Clive said sheepishly, his eyes on the table. “I have had a lot on my mind.”

With a sigh, Helen nodded. “Tonight we are having a dinner party for a few out of town friends, including Professor Kirke. However, we do need to impress upon you the importance of elegance. If you would like to go to the cinema or out dancing, that would be all right.”

“You’re trying to get rid of us, Mother,” Edmund muttered, grumbling into his breakfast plate. Peter slid a glance down the table to Lucy, who smirked. “Besides, Lucy and I aren’t old enough to get into a dance hall.”

“No?” Clive asked, arching an eyebrow. “Well, I don’t see why you and Lucy couldn’t go to the cinema while Peter, Caspian and Susan go dancing. You children spend too much time at home in the evenings.”

“Really?” Peter asked, disbelief in his voice. “You are telling us to go out dancing?”

“Of course,” Helen replied, a smile on her face. “You children never seem to enjoy sitting at home in the evenings. You should go out and enjoy the night! Especially with Caspian leaving so soon.”

“All right,” Peter responded. “I do not see why we cannot go dancing. I’m sure Susan will,” he paused, shifting his gaze to Lucy and continued, “have mixed feelings about it.”

“Susan deserves to go out and laugh,” Clive said, reaching for his glass of orange juice. “She works too hard.”

The grandfather clock in the foyer struck eight, toning out eight loud peals. Peter and Edmund excused themselves, pushing back from the table. Lucy and Caspian followed quietly as Peter turned back to his father and said, “I will talk to Susan today. I am sure that we can think of something to do so that you may have your dinner party.” He crossed the room to kiss Helen lightly on the cheek. Lucy and Edmund followed close behind.

Out in the foyer, they gathered their coats and blazers and picked up their school bags. Lucy slung a glance over her shoulder at Caspian as they jogged down the steps. Caspian was close behind her. They moved down the street and around the corner as a close group, but about halfway down the block, Caspian stopped. “Caspian?” Lucy called, turning back. Peter and Edmund stopped in the street, directing their gaze back at the two. “Is something wrong?” she continued.

“No,” Caspian replied before falling silent for a long moment. She saw him thinking, his eyes darting back and forth for a long moment. Finally, he tore his gaze away to look at her, “I have something I need to do; I will catch up with you at school.” He smiled at Peter. “I will see you in classes.” Peter nodded and turned away, wondering what Caspian needed to do but unwilling to question him. Caspian turned and headed back around the corner to their townhouse, Lucy raced back and leaned around the corner to see Caspian heading back up the stairs to their front door.

“Lucy!” Peter called, gesturing for her to join them.

She ran back, sliding between her brothers. “He’s going back to the house. Why do you think he’s doing that?” she asked.

Peter shrugged and said, “I don’t really think it’s any of our business, Luce. We have to get to class.” As they headed off to the station Edmund saw Peter look over his shoulder at the corner and knew that Peter wanted answers just as badly as Lucy, but as head of the group he would show patience. As for Edmund, he had already figured it out. He knew what Peter did not know, and he knew that Peter would not like it in the slightest.

 

Morning classes had come and gone, leaving Peter on the exercise field without an idea as to where Caspian was. Susan’s class was across the field at the archery targets, he could see her scanning the group of boys on his side of the grasses. She turned and strolled to her instructor, speaking a few words. After a moment she headed toward the field boundary, waving to him. Peter jogged over to meet her, his fencing uniform stark white against the green of the grass.

“What is it?” Peter asked, stopping before her at the boundary between the fields.

Susan’s eyes were still scanning the group behind him as if she had missed something. “Has Caspian come to classes yet?” Peter shook his head, his eyes darting to the school yard door. “I wonder what has happened,” Susan whispered. “I hope nothing has happened to him.”

“I’m sure he is fine, Sue,” Peter replied. “Perhaps he is getting things ready for his deployment.”

“Yes,” Susan agreed, nodding. “I’m sure that it all.” Peter saw her anxiety welling up in her eyes, but she quelled it with a deep breath and whispered words, “Well, I should get back to archery.” Peter nodded, bidding farewell. Susan crossed back over to the archery field and picked up her bow and arrow. As he watched, Peter saw Cecily’s eyes on him. She had watched the exchange between the siblings and though she had not heard a word of what was spoken, he knew that she had noticed that Caspian was missing. He met her eyes and glared at her; her eyes narrowed and she glanced away. Peter turned and moved back to the fencing field. It was his turn.

 

The Pevensies congregated on the lawn of the school, all alone. Susan’s eyes were downcast, with Lucy standing nearby. Across the grass stood Cecily with a small gaggle of girls with all with their eyes on the small gathering of siblings. Peter stood beside Susan, looking around at the collection of students. He was the tallest of the group so he saw Caspian before the rest. “There he is,” he said, dropping his hand on Susan’s shoulder. “He’s here.” He felt her exhale, his heart hammering in his chest. He knew that she had been thinking the absolute worst all day.

He crossed the lawn, a smile in place. Susan did not move to greet him; she stood with her feet planted, her gaze leveled. Caspian came to a stop before them, his smile unwavering. “Hello,” he said, looking down at her. She did not move to glance up at him, and he stopped. “I know that you are angry with me for not attending classes,” he began.

“No,” she said, interrupting him. He closed his mouth, waiting for her to finish speaking. “I spent the whole day wondering where you were,” she whispered heatedly.

“I am truly sorry,” he whispered, bending at the waist. “I had a few loose ends to tie up before I shipped out next week.” Peter sent Susan and _I told you so_ look before turning away to speak with Edmund. The two of them had been discussing the activities of the evening. They had decided that Edmund and Lucy would attend the cinema while Peter, Caspian and Susan would explore the dance halls of the city. Susan had seemed uncertain of the plan, but when Peter stressed the fact that Caspian would be attending, she had consented.

Susan was staring at Caspian, for he seemed to radiate a newfound happiness. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes sparkled. “Susan,” Caspian said, “Please forgive me for spending so much time away today, but I really did have tasks to take care of.” He brushed his fingers along her cheek and continued, “I did not want to leave unprepared.”

“I appreciate that,” Susan whispered, leaning into Caspian’s hand. “What sort of things did you have to take care of?”

“All in due course, my love,” he responded, smiling. “All in due course.”


	17. An Evening Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is dancing and starlight.

“I don’t even own anything to wear to a dance hall,” Susan grumbled, staring at her closet. There were not a lot of clothes on the hangers on the rack, and even fewer shoes on the shelves. Lucy sat on the bed, her legs crossed before her, watching Susan riffle through her clothes. “I don’t even have a skirt that would pass as a dance dress.”

“What about that blue dress that Mother bought you last year?” Lucy asked, leaning closer to peer past Susan and into the closet. “It has a skirt that might pass.”

Susan shook her head. “It’s too short, I can’t wear it,” she said. She pulled it out and held it up against her body. Lucy saw how it fell a few inches higher than propriety allowed; she knew that Susan would never wear it.

“I certainly don’t have anything for you to wear,” Lucy offered. “Perhaps you should see if the boys would like to join us at the cinema.”

There was a faint knock at the door, and with a glance to Lucy, Susan pulled her robe tighter around her and strolled to open it. In the hall stood Helen Pevensie, wearing a long black cocktail dress and her pearls. She held a white box with a bright blue bow in her hands. “Hello, girls,” she said, smiling. “May I come in?” Susan nodded, stepping aside to allow her mother to enter. Once inside, she crossed the room and set the box on the bed beside Lucy. “I brought this for you, Susie,” she said, smiling brightly at her daughter. “It is not by any means new, but it is still in fashion and I thought that perhaps you would enjoy it.”

Susan followed her to the bedside and leaned over the box. “Mother,” she said, reaching for the bow. She hesitated with her fingers over the box. “What is it?” she asked, running her fingers over the silky ribbon.

“Open it,” Helen coaxed, smiling and sliding aside to sit on the bed beside Lucy.

Susan pulled on the ribbon, untying it and letting it slide to the floor. She pulled the white lid from the box and peered inside. Lucy leaned over to see as well. Susan reached into the box and pulled out the folded dress. It was a deep lavender color, tailored at the waist, long enough to cover her knees but the skirt fluttered out in a style reminiscent of a swing skirt. It was beautiful. She held the dress up to herself, it would fit.

“It’s stunning,” she whispered, hushed. She shed her robe and dressing gown and pulled the dress over her head. “Button me?” she asked. Lucy rose to her feet and helped Susan button the dress. It fell over her hips and hugged her curves. The skirt flowed with easy movement, fluttering around her shapely legs and falling just below her knees. “How does it look?” she asked, giving a spin.

Helen smiled at her eldest daughter, watching her spin happily in the middle of the room. “You look stunning. I’m glad you enjoy it. It deserves a night out,” she said. “Well,” she said, rising to her feet. “I should go and make sure that Mrs. Kelly has everything ready for this evening.” She kissed Susan’s forehead. “Have fun this evening, darling.” She left the room, closing the door behind her.

Susan turned to look at Lucy, her eyes bright. “Does it really look all right, Luce?” she asked.

“It looks wonderful,” Lucy agreed, nodding. “Caspian is not going to know what hit him.” Susan smiled, twirling around again.

 

Downstairs, Caspian and Peter waited in the parlor for the girls, sitting across from each other. Edmund stood in the archway, his ankles crossed at the floor. They heard footsteps on the stairs and Edmund twisted to look. He turned to look back at Caspian and shook his head. “You don’t stand a chance,” he muttered, looking at the man. Caspian rose to his feet, smoothing out his tailored gray suit. Peter followed; his suit a bit snug on his broadening frame.

Susan and Lucy came around the corner and instantly Caspian’s heart began to race. The deep lavender dress moved with her, displaying her curves and hugging her hips. He maintained control over his jaw, but barely, as it threatened to fall. “You look,” he trailed off, searching for the right words, “You look radiant.” Susan smiled at him, blushing slightly. Peter waited off to the side, watching silently as Susan looked at Caspian. He had not seen her look so at peace, so happy, since they had fallen through the wardrobe and out of Narnia.

“Thank you,” she whispered in response, moving farther into the room. Behind her, Lucy grinned, watching Caspian’s face light up. There was a knock at the door, loud and sharp. Susan jumped slightly and the sound stirred them from their slow conversation. Mrs. Kelly bustled from the kitchen, her eyes falling on Susan in the doorway. Susan flushed under the lightning quick scrutiny; she remembered how she must have looked when Mrs. Kelly had seen them on the train.

She pulled the door open for the first guest and Professor Kirke stepped over the threshold. “Good evening, Professor,” Mrs. Kelly said, curtsying. “Please come in. May I take your coat?” Professor Kirke shrugged from his coat, a smile on his face. “Mr. Pevensie will be out in just a moment,” she said, glancing into the parlor where the children waited. “Would you care to have a seat?” she finished, gesturing.

Professor Kirke met Peter’s eyes and the young man saw the familiar twinkle in his gaze. He was their only conspirator, the only person in their world that knew of their history in Narnia. He was their dearest friend, the man who answered their questions and held their hands when they woke up crying for the friends they had left behind. Their months with him had been a blessing, giving them the chance to fall into Narnia. He was a dear friend and a kind mentor, and now he stood in their parlor, submerged in the world that they had created after Narnia. His existence had suddenly combined with their new friend from the same world; he had been dropped into the center of a new chapter in their life.

“Hello, children,” he said, a broad smile in place. “It is such a pleasure to see you again!” He reached out and shook Peter’s hand soundly, grinning broadly. “How have things been?” Mrs. Kelly turned and left the room, heading back to the dining room. Professor Kirke glanced over his shoulder to Mrs. Kelly’s retreating figure. As soon as she was out of earshot, he turned back to them. “How goes the submersion into this world?” he said, his eyes flitting to Caspian. Caspian looked shocked, his eyes widening.

“Caspian,” Susan said, “This is Professor Kirke. It was at his house that we were first introduced to Narnia. Peter wrote him when you first arrived, asking for assistance.”

“Caspian joined the army,” Edmund offered, a grimace in place.

Kirke’s eyes widened in shock. “Well, you certainly don’t believe in moving slowly,” he said, laughing. He reached out and offered a hand to Caspian. “Professor Digory Kirke,” he said, grasping Caspian’s hand firmly. “It is a pleasure to meet you.”

“The pleasure is mine,” Caspian replied, smiling. “It seems I owe you a good deal of gratitude, Professor.”

Before the Professor could speak up, another knock sounded at the door. Mrs. Kelly bustled in to the foyer, taking in the group standing in the parlor. Peter met her gaze and shook himself out his thoughts. “We should be going,” he said, gesturing to the door. “Before we become a nuisance.”

Susan nodded her agreement, turning to embrace the professor. “It was so good to see you again, Professor,” she whispered. Peter turned as Mrs. Kelly opened the door for the next guests. They stepped in and surveyed the room. Peter reached for his greatcoat, pulling it on over his suit. Caspian stepped around him and helped Susan on with her coat, almost ashamed to cover the beautiful dress she wore. Lucy and Edmund fell in behind them, coats around their shoulders.

From around the corner came Helen Pevensie, her black dress accented by her string of white pearls. “You children have fun,” she said, slinging a smile in their direction. “Don’t be too late!”

They offered up a chorus of _yeses_ and _farewells_ as they headed out the door. The group moved down the stairs as one unit and emerged onto the foggy London streets. The air was cool against them, the sky clear. The street lights were dark, leaving the city engulfed in a seamless night.

 

Music pumped around them, the lights of the room dimmed to create an otherworldly effect. Susan was sitting in a chair at a table in a corner, Caspian sat beside her, his hand in hers. “Are you sure you are all right?” he asked again, for the fourth time.

“Yes,” she replied, offering him a smile. She glanced over at him. “This is not really what I enjoy doing,” she continued, gesturing to the crowded, smoke-filled room. “Far too many people.”

Caspian nodded, his eyes darting to Peter. He was on the dance floor with a young woman about his age, spinning and twisting, swinging her around. “I never would have thought that Peter was so dynamic on the dance floor,” he said, gesturing. Susan nodded her agreement. “I don’t know why I agreed to this, I have no idea what to do here,” Caspian continued.

She looked around for a long moment, watching Peter fling his dance partner around. The crowd was thick, the smoke even thicker. The band on the stage was playing almost too loud to be heard over them. Finally, Susan leaned forward and said, “Caspian, lets go someplace else.”

The man glanced around at the crowded hall, and then back at Susan. Her curled hair was waving down past her shoulders, her cheeks were flushed, and her lips were bright pink. She was antsy, her fingers twitching slightly in her lap. She did not want to be there, that was apparent. “All right,” he replied. “Let me go talk to Pete.” Susan nodded, moving toward the door.

Caspian rose to his feet and moved across the crowded dance floor to where Peter danced with the young redhead. He was laughing as he flung her up in the air, sweat coating his face and dampening his hair. “Pete,” Caspian called over the banging music. Peter turned, breathing heavily.

“Caspian!” he shouted, barely heard. “What is it?”

“We are going to go,” Caspian shouted back. “Susan is not enjoying herself.”

Peter nodded. “I figured as much,” he called. “I’ll see you tomorrow, friend!”

“Yes,” Caspian agreed. “Tomorrow!”

He merged back into the crowd on the floor and maneuvered his way over to where Susan waited near the door. Caspian fished the coat check numbers from his pocket and handed it to the man at the closet. The man turned and searched the rows of coats, locating Susan’s plain black wool coat and Caspian’s fur-lined woolen coat. Caspian helped Susan back into her coat and then shrugged into his.

When they stepped outside he saw Susan pull her coat tighter around her form. He offered her his arm and as she slid her hand into the crook of his arm, he rubbed her fingers with his to warm them. He knew that it was a bit early to head back to the house, the adults had probably barely finished dinner, but he did not know what there was to do. He decided to head back to the underground until a better idea presented itself.

The underground entrance was shrouded in darkness, the same darkness that fell over the street. Even the dance halls had blacked out windows, the door spilling out unnatural light from within. They descended the stairs and emerged into the brightly lit corridors of the station itself. Caspian took in the groups of people waiting for the train, subconsciously gauging their intentions. No one really paid attention to them as they stepped up to the platform.

“Shall we go wait for Lucy and Edmund to finish their film?” Susan asked, looking up at him. Her eyes were bright, her cheeks were flushed pink and her lips were slightly swollen from the cold. He found himself unable to tear his eyes from her. He reached up and brushed a strand of hair from her eyes, tucking it behind her ear. She was looking up at him, her blue eyes wide. “Caspian?” she asked, smiling.

“Yes?” he asked, forgetting the question.

With a sigh, Susan said, “What shall we do?” She smiled up at him as the train ground into the station. “Shall we go wait for Edmund and Lucy to finish their film?”

“What does the park look like at night?” Caspian asked, escorting her onto the train.

“Before the war it was filled with brightly lit lamps and walkways lined on both sides,” Susan whispered, sliding into a seat beside Caspian. His arm fell comfortably around her shoulders, nestling her close. “When the blackout law was put into action the park fell dark. Once a week they turn the lamps on, for the films in the park, but most of the time the lamps are dark.” She leaned her head on Caspian’s shoulder and finished, “Sometimes I believe that the park by moonlight is far more beautiful than lamplight.”

“Will you show me?” Caspian asked, turning to kiss her forehead.

“Of course.”

 

The verdant dark grasses of the park lounged around them as they sat under a canopy of stars. Moonlight streamed down in slants against the few strands of fog that lay among the trees. With Caspian’s arms bracing him against the ground, Susan leaned easily against him, her hair falling over his jacket. “This is beautiful,” Caspian whispered, turning to glance down at her face as it tilted up toward the moon. He felt his breath catch in his throat and he gulped back the scratch of emotion.

“Are you scared?” Susan whispered, her eyes on the sky above them.

“I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t,” he replied. “As with any war, a certain amount of fear is required. It keeps you alive.” Susan did not speak, but he felt her shoulders slump against him. “Susan, did you question the need to fight for Narnia when you were asked to?”

“Well, yes,” Susan replied. “It was their war. I felt that we should not get involved.”

“And once your brother was involved?”

“That was different. We needed to save Edmund.”

“As I need to save you?” Caspian asked.

Susan was silent for a long moment; her eyes on the stars above her. She felt Caspian’s breath on her cheek and she turned her head to kiss him lightly. “I do understand,” she muttered against his lips. “I just wish that we had more time before you left.”

He nodded, his lips inches from hers. He knew that leaving her would be hard, especially since it would be his turn to walk away, but he also knew that he had to find the strength. It was his responsibility to care for her. “Susan,” he whispered. “We don’t know how long I will be gone; we don’t know what the end of this war might bring.” She nodded against him, enjoying the feel of his warm breath on her chilled face. “When I return, I want to be with you.”

“Of course we will be together,” she replied, her eyes closed, her face tilted up toward him.

She felt him chuckle, rather than heard it. “I mean that this morning I asked your father,” he whispered, “If, upon my return, I can court you with the intention of marriage.”

Susan’s eyes snapped open and her mouth fell slack. “What?” she asked, unable to tear her eyes from his.

“I asked your father if I might court you when I return from war. I know that you feel that we are too young for such things, but by the time I return that may not be the case,” he whispered, brushing his thumbs along her cheeks. “I wanted your parents to know that I will return for you. I wanted them to know that you are the most important thing in my life.” Susan’s eyes did not waver from his face, taking him in as much as she could. “What do you think?”

She shook her head to clear it, reaching up to brush her hand along his jawline. “I don’t know what to say,” she replied. She closed her eyes again and tilted her head to rest it against his lips. She was silent for a long moment. Finally, she spoke, “What did my father say?”

Caspian laughed, a deep, throaty laugh. “He said that he had seen it coming, and that if you would have me he would give his blessing.”

Susan nodded, not glancing up at him. “Well,” she whispered. “I guess I don’t have a choice, then.” Caspian froze. It was not the response he had been expecting. “Since I have no intention of turning you down.” A smile crossed his face, and he leaned down to kiss her again.

Big Ben chimed across the water, signaling the hour. “Oh, my,” Susan said, starting. “It’s already ten o’clock.” She pushed herself to her knees, and then up to her feet. “We should be going. I’m sure the film is over, and if Peter gets home before we do then you will have to explain it to him.” She shot him a look over her shoulder, “While I hide upstairs.” Caspian started laughing, rising to his feet and dusting himself off.

“All right,” he said, offering his arm to her again. She accepted it willingly and led him back toward the underground. They were not alone on the streets of London, with other couples taking advantage of the siren silence for a night. Caspian watched them as the two of them made their way to the stairs. In that moment he knew that he had made the right choice coming here for Susan, for he had never known the perfection of these moments with her. He had always felt that something had been missing in his life in Narnia. Since he had come here, he had not thought of that life at all.

 

Lucy and Edmund were waiting at the Finchley station for the rest of the group when Susan and Caspian’s train ground into the station. They duo stepped off, glancing around. “There they are,” Susan said, pointing. Caspian waved and the younger children moved toward them. Lucy immediately noticed that something had happened with Susan.  She noted that Susan’s cheeks were flushed, but her lips were pale, and her eyes were bright, but her forehead was creased with worry.

“Where’s Peter?” Edmund asked, falling into step beside Caspian. Lucy moved to the far side near Susan, but did not speak.

“We left the dance hall early in the evening,” Susan replied. “I wasn’t comfortable in the crowd.”

“I assumed that would happen,” Lucy offered softly, brushing her hand against Susan’s. The elder sister looked to her but did not speak. “What did you do all night?” she asked, trying not to seem anxious. The argument following Caspian’s appearance in Susan’s bedroom burned brightly in Lucy’s mind.

“We went and sat in the park,” Susan replied, ever so softly. She slid Lucy a glance and shook her head. It was as close as Lucy would get to an explanation until they were alone, she was certain. “When did your film end?” Susan asked.

“Only thirty minutes ago, we came in on the last train,” Edmund replied as they moved up to steps to the street level.

All around them the streets were darkened. There was a faint glow in some of the windows where the blackout curtains had not been drawn tight. Lucy moved ahead of them and took the turn to their street first, glancing over her shoulder at them. Susan had her fingers interlaced with Caspian’s in the dark, her arm looped through his as he guided her along the sidewalk.

The front of their house was completely empty; all the cars from the party guests had vanished. The children climbed the steps, pushing the outer door open and shedding their jackets in the tiny mudroom. Inside the parlor sat Helen and Clive Pevensie with Professor Kirke. The children stopped abruptly, surprised to see Kirke sitting in the chair by the fire.

“Hello, children,” Helen said, beaming. “Welcome home. How was your evening?”

Lucy smiled, merging into the parlor and taking a seat at the window. Edmund came around Susan and Caspian and plopped himself down by his chess set. Susan spoke up, echoing the thought rolling around in the children’s head. “Professor Kirke, what a pleasant surprise!”

“Oh, yes,” Helen said, smiling. “The Professor will be staying with us for a few days. He has some business to attend to in the city.”

“What a pleasure,” Lucy agreed with a smile. “It will be wonderful to spend time with you again, sir.” Caspian and Susan had not moved from the doorway, and when Lucy looked to them she could see Susan’s flushed cheeks and her eyes darting to the ceiling. “Well, I’m exhausted,” Lucy said, standing up. “I suppose I should retire,” she moved to the doorway and brushed her arm against Susan’s hand. Her sister squeezed her hand slightly before Lucy turned back. “Good night, everyone. I shall see you at breakfast.”

As soon as Lucy was disappearing up the stairs, Susan turned. “Well, I suppose I should do the same.” She turned to Caspian. “I will see you tomorrow, then?” she asked, softly.

“Of course,” he replied, his eyes darting to the small group gathered in the parlor. “I have a few errands to do in the morning, but I will come by before lunch. Is that all right?” he asked, glancing to Helen Pevensie.

“Of course,” she said, a bright smile in place. Susan saw her father exchange a glance with her mother and she felt like sighing. “You are always welcome here,” she finished.

“Thank you,” Caspian replied, bowing slightly from the waist. He turned to Professor Kirke. “It was a pleasure to meet you, sir.” His gaze darted to Clive and Helen as he added, “Thank you for your hospitality. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.” With that he turned and gestured for Susan to walk ahead of him.

Out in the mudroom he donned his coat and watched her from the corner of his eye. Her eyes were downcast and her cheeks were still flushed, despite the comfortable temperature of their surroundings. “Susan,” he whispered, turning to face her. She glanced up at him, her blue eyes sparkling in the semi-dark. Light cast in through the glass window of the inner door, creating slants of shadow and light. “If you believe that we are moving too quickly then you must tell me. I do not want to force you into something that you are uncertain about.” His eyes moved away from her, then came back even more focused. “I can only know what you tell me, and if you do not tell me, then I cannot know.”

Susan nodded, her head down. He waited for a long moment while she gathered her thoughts. Finally, she spoke, her words so soft that they vanished into the air above their heads almost as soon as they were spoken.

“I cannot lie to you, Caspian. I feel as though we are moving very rapidly, especially with you going off to war.” She met his eyes, not raising her volume for fear of being overheard in the silence from the parlor. “However, I cannot turn you down, for I feel that we want the same things. It just seems that there are a lot of expectations in this, when we don’t even know-” Her voice cracked, and he felt a shudder run down her body in the few inches between them. Instinctively he reached out to touch her face and found his hand wet with her sudden tears.

“What is it, love?” he whispered, dropping his head so that he could try to meet her eyes. She dipped her head lower to avoid his gaze. “What is wrong?”

“We don’t know if you will return,” she choked out, holding back her tears.

Caspian’s heart sank into his stomach as realization dawned on him. He was proposing marriage when she was wondering if she would ever see him again. He had been thinking about their future together and she was worrying about her future alone. He had known that joining the military would mean risking himself in this world, but in his thoughts he had never considered what it might be like for her to lose him in a battle after everything.

“I see,” he whispered, looking away. “Forgive me for being so selfish, my love.”

“You have never been selfish, Caspian,” Susan replied, finally bringing her eyes up to meet his. He sighed, finding himself reflected in her blue depths. “I just feel like we should look at this from all angles, including the possibility that you may not return.”

“I do not want you to be hurt, Susan,” he said.

A faint smile played on her lips as she whispered, “Then you must come back.”

“I will always come for you, Susan. I prom-”

Susan’s finger on his lips silenced him.  “Do not promise. Do not swear,” she whispered. “We must only promise to tell each other the truth.”

“All right,” he said around her finger. She withdrew it from his lips as he finished. “Then I swear that no matter where my travels take me, no matter where I roam, my heart will be here with you until I can return.”

“That I will accept,” she said. “Now, be safe on your way home.” She leaned up and kissed him lightly on the lips before opening the door and seeing him off.

As she crossed through the foyer she bid good night to her parents and the professor, feeling her mother’s gaze on her like a hawk. Upstairs, Lucy’s light was on but her knock went unanswered. Down the hall, her bedroom light was on as well, which was odd since she had made sure to turn down the lamps before coming downstairs. She pushed her door open and found Lucy sitting on her bed amidst her pillows.

“Lucy,” Susan said, only slightly surprised. She had assumed that Lucy had picked up on her emotions since the train station; it would have been only a matter of time before the younger sister sought her out. “You might have been waiting a long while.”

Lucy nodded, pulling her knees up to her chest. She wore her robe over her nightdress, with her hair in plaits down her back. “I was prepared to wait,” she replied, holding up a book. “But I could not let you go to sleep without at least knowing that I was here to talk.” She took in Susan’s flushed cheeks and red-rimmed eyes, and then let the book fall by the wayside. “What has happened?” Lucy asked.

Susan crossed the room and gathered her own night dress. Lucy averted her eyes for privacy as Susan shed her dress and dropped her nightdress over her head. Finally crawling onto the bed beside Lucy, she spoke. “Caspian spoke to Father this morning,” she began, laying her head on her knees and watching Lucy’s face. “He told him that when he returns from the war he would like to court me with the intention of marriage.”

Lucy blanched, while her lips went thin and tight. For a long moment Susan did not know who was more upset by the news, her or her sister. At last, Lucy spoke, “And what if he does not return?” Susan looked away. “Oh,” Lucy said. “I’m sorry, I assumed that was what you have been thinking about since he told you.”

“You’re not mistaken,” Susan replied. “I have been thinking about it. But what worries me is that he hasn’t.” Lucy watched her as she thought silently for a long time. Minutes ticked by, leaving both sisters to think their separate thoughts. “What scares me more is that I want it, Lu,” Susan finally said.

Surprise registered on Lucy’s face, startling Susan. “Well, of course you do!” Lucy exclaimed. “Anyone can see how you feel for him! I’ve never seen such a change in you, Susan. Even when we lived in Narnia, even as Queen, you were never this animated.” Susan closed her eyes and tilted her head away. “And I am sure that this will all turn out for the best. Aslan would not have sent him here if it did not.”

“Do you still feel Aslan here?” Susan asked. “In our world?”

“I always feel Aslan,” Lucy replied. “As I’m sure he feels us. I feel as though he is still here, watching us. I’m sure he is still helping us.”

“Did you ever know where Aslan went when he disappeared?”

“No,” Lucy admitted, shaking her head. “But he was always there. I felt him, as I feel him now.”

Susan finally brought her eyes back to Lucy, who saw fresh tears in the corners. “Do you think that he will protect Caspian, for me?” she asked, her voice cracking.

Lucy reached out and brushed the tears from Susan’s eyes. Since Narnia the roles of older and younger sister had become blurred. They truly knew their strengths and their weaknesses. Susan was better with analytical decisions and matters of state while Lucy dealt better with emotional stress and relating to the people. They learned to lean on each other in times of need.

“I think that Aslan has a plan, and that we must have faith in what he has seen,” Lucy said, leaning against Susan’s still form. “You need sleep, Sue,” she whispered, rising to her feet. She turned down the covers and helped Susan into bed. Reaching over, she turned the lamp off, flooding the room with darkness. “Sleep well, sister.”

“Lucy,” Susan said, her voice choked with stress. “Will you stay with me?”

Lucy smiled sadly. Several times in Narnia they had stayed together, warding off nightmares or thoughts of the world left behind. Lucy had noticed that Susan had needed comforting after times of emotional onslaught, and she had needed support after times of loss. Lucy crawled into the bed beside her sister, feeling sleep overwhelm her. “Sweet dreams, Susan.”

“Sleep tight, Luce.”


	18. Searching for Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Peter is overprotective and Susan is annoyed.

“Darling, will you bring me those chips, please?” Helen said, gesturing. Susan scooped them up and brought them over to the stove. “And be sure to set enough places at the table. I’m sure Caspian will be here soon.” Susan nodded, stepping away. Ever since descending the stairs, Helen had said Caspian’s name every few moment, a broad smile in place. Susan knew that she was thinking of the conversation that he felt must have happened the night before, the conversation that had sent Susan into a whirlwind of fear.

Out in the dining room, Susan set the five seats at the table, being sure to place extra newspaper. Her father and Professor Kirke were at the University for a meeting with the dean. It was unusual for a Saturday, but the professor would not be in town long. It was also unusual for her mother to make fish and chips, but it seemed that Helen was a surprise at every turn these days. When she had first told her mother about Caspian she had expected a completely different reaction. She had also not expected her parents to be so excited about Caspian’s suggestion of marriage. Now, Susan was living under the same roof as Professor Kirke, again. That had surprised Susan as well. Professor Kirke had kept in contact with them through an assortment of letters, he had even sent Susan a beautiful bow for her birthday, but she had not known that he had stayed in contact with her parents.

“Sue,” Peter said, crossing the threshold into the dining room. “Where have you been? Caspian has been here for about twenty minutes.”

“What?” Susan asked, glancing up from the utensils that she was placing on the table. “Why didn’t you come and get me?”

“I sent Edmund,” Peter replied.

“Well,” Susan replied, finishing the utensils, “Edmund did not find me.” She turned away and moved back toward the kitchen. “Tell him that I will be there in only a moment.” She did not look back over at Peter as she walked through the swinging door into the kitchen.

Helen Pevensie was standing over the stove, frying fish in a pot of grease. “Mother,” Susan said, crossing the kitchen, “Caspian is here. May I be excused?”

Her mother’s eyes lit up as she replied, “Absolutely, darling!” She gestured to the kitchen around them. “I’m all right here, go to him.”

On her way through the dining room, Susan felt herself fighting against an eye roll. Her mother was acting ridiculous about the idea of a proposal. As she stepped within the parlor, Caspian glanced up from his seat at the chessboard. Peter sat across from him, his bishop in his hand. “Hello, Susan,” Caspian said, smiling. “We were just playing a friendly game.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t come in earlier,” Susan replied, stepping across the room. “Edmund didn’t find me to mention that you had arrived.”

“Peter told me,” Caspian replied. “It wasn’t a problem.” Susan nodded, watching as he made a move on the board. She slid into a chair near them, but distanced enough that she could not watch their game and become distracted from what Caspian had to say. “When I arrived home last night there was a stack of letters on the entry table for the Commodore. I usually ignore them but this time there the housekeeper separated them into two piles. One was for me.” Susan nodded, watching him. He did not tear his eyes from the chessboard, he merely played. “Check,” he offered suddenly.

“Damn,” Peter muttered, moving his king.

He shifted his gaze to where she sat, watching her. It seemed that she was holding her breath and ignoring her brother completely. “It was from the war offices,” Caspian continued, watching her. In a moment her body language changed completely. She shifted her hips away from him, squaring her shoulders. In that second she had blocked him out completely. “My deployment has changed,” Caspian continued. Susan nodded sharply, but did not speak. “They want me to depart on Monday instead of Tuesday. I have to be at the train station at nine o’clock in the morning.”

“One less day?” Susan asked, her voice cracking. Peter’s eyes snapped up from the board and he glanced to his sister. Her eyes had darkened considerably, and he recognized the flush in her cheeks. She was struggling between anger and acceptance. “I see,” she finished, looking away.

Caspian moved to stand up, but she threw her hand up to stop him. He froze, watching her. “Excuse me, Mother will need help setting the dishes out,” she said, rising to her feet. “Lunch will be served in a few minutes.” She vanished from the door, leaving Caspian staring after her.

He turned back to Peter, eyes wide. “What did I do?” Caspian asked, astonished. Peter leaned around Caspian to check the doorway. It was vacant, Susan was gone.

“She must be worried about not having enough time,” Peter replied. “Let me ask you something,” he continued. “Mother and Father have been acting very strangely around Susan today; do you know what that might be about?”

Caspian cut his eyes away, watching the world outside the windows. Peter possessed an amazing amount of self-control, a virtue that he had not possessed when Caspian had first met him in the clearing. Caspian had marveled at how Peter could change his stripes so completely in such a brief time, and had modeled himself after that display. Now it was Caspian who had changed so much of himself in a month’s time. He knew that Peter’s control was only so deep, and he had seen his temper at full force.

“I do have something I need to tell you, Peter,” Caspian began, shifting his eyes back to the man across from him. “But I need you to listen to all that I have to say.” The young man’s eyes darkened but he nodded once and leaned back in his chair. “Yesterday, after breakfast, I returned to the house and spoke to your father about Susan. I told him that I cared for her very much. I told him that when I returned I would like to court her for marriage. He agreed.” His eyes stayed on Peter as these words sank in. Caspian saw his throat work hard to swallow and his forehead furrowed deeply.

“And you have told Susan this, I presume,” he growled, barely containing himself. Caspian nodded sharply, forcing himself to stay in his seat. He was not sure how Peter would react to sudden movements. “How dare you?” Peter demanded, his face turning red.

“You had to know that this was coming,” Caspian exclaimed. “With how I felt about her!”

“But to tell her now!” Peter exploded, rising to his feet. “And then tell her that you are leaving a day early!” He spun back, his eyes glinting. “Did you learn nothing from your wife?” Peter added in a hushed whisper. Caspian was relieved that he had whispered that part, at least.

They were interrupted as Susan stepped through the archway. “Lunch is ready,” she announced. She took in their positioning. Peter stood across the room from the chessboard, where Caspian still sat. He was no longer lounged back in the chair, but sitting straight up and leaning slightly toward Peter. Peter’s face was bright red, his eyes were dark and his arms were crossed on his chest.

“You told him,” Susan sighed, her eyes small in her face. Caspian nodded, not shifting his gaze to her. She was not watching him, she was watching Peter. “Listen, Peter,” she began. “Let’s not fight about this now. We can argue about it when he returns.” Peter’s glare did not soften. “Please,” she said, her voice plaintive. “Don’t let our last two days be filled with sadness.”

None of them moved for a very long moment. Peter’s eyes were fixed on Caspian; Caspian’s eyes were deadlocked on Peter. Susan’s eyes darted back in forth to watch both of them. Caspian was obviously much more controlled than Peter, who was flickering between disbelief and fury.

“Please,” Susan pleaded, “Lunch is ready. Let’s leave this behind us for now.”

“Fine,” Peter barked, turning away from Caspian. “But this conversation is not over.”

 

Lunch was not a silent affair. Peter did not speak a word to anyone unless asked a direct question, and even then he could not be persuaded to give more than a one word answer. Susan was not more conversational; she sat quietly in her seat, her eyes on Peter. Lucy sat across the table from Susan, next to Peter, not speaking a word. Helen Pevensie, however, did not stop speaking for a moment. She had not noticed the silence running though the room, and her words left no room for any other conversation. Her focus was on Caspian, her speech directed only towards him. She was laughing and enjoying herself, while her children sat quietly in their seats.

Once the meal was over, Helen cleared the plates, telling Susan to remain where she was. At first the girl protested, but Helen’s eyes cut to Caspian and Susan finally consented. Her mother understood that time was growing short and the last thing Susan wanted to do was waste time away from him. Caspian did not move, his eyes fixed on Peter, who was sitting across from him. “What should we do,” he finally asked, reaching for Susan’s hand and entwining his fingers with hers.

Edmund’s face clouded with confusion. “What should we do about what?” he asked.

Peter ignored his brother and audibly sighed, dropping his shoulders. “I do not want to be angry with you before you leave, Caspian. It leaves us open for endless heartache,” he said. His anger had flowed out of him, leaving only disbelief. “But to do such a thing mere days before you leave, it is unfair to Susan.”

“Is this what this is about?” Susan demanded, feeling uncharacteristic anger bubble up in her throat. “You are angry with Caspian because he told me that he wanted to marry me before going away to war?” She felt her face getting warm, her cheeks flushed until they are spotted purple and red. “That is what this is all about?” she repeated, more irately.

He looked away from his sister’s fury, meeting Edmund’s eyes. He found no comfort there; Edmund looked just as confused as he had before. “That’s not all it is about, Susan,” he replied, not looking back at her. “It’s about protecting you.”

“Protecting me?” Susan replied, leaning forward, her eyes flashing. “Protecting me!” Her hands were palms down on the table when she pushed herself up to standing. Peter brought his gaze back to her, taking in her expression. “Who stood alone in the woods against the Telemarines?” she challenged, her voice a loud whisper. “And who appeared to save me when things became difficult in those woods? Was it you, Peter? No!” She leaned further across the table, dropping her voice an octave lower but just as heated. “You don’t have to protect us forever,” she finished, her voice dark.

“How dare you?” Peter snapped, bolting from his chair. “You have no right to say such things, Susan!” He leaned down on the table, his face inches from hers. Caspian had not moved, shocked into silence by the argument before him. “You have no idea what I have done for you! What I have sacrificed for you! I have-”

“Stop it!” Lucy hissed, standing up as well. “Both of you! Look at yourselves!” She gestured to their postures, leaning toward each other, anger flashing in their eyes. “You’re acting like children!” Susan and Peter snapped their gaze to her, but she did not back down under the withering stare. “This is ridiculous. You are too old to act like this! Peter,” she said, turning to glare at him. “You need to accept that Susan is not your responsibility any longer. She is no longer a child; she does not need your protection. And Susan,” she turned to stare at her sister, “You need to just stop it. Peter is trying to take care of you, and you are fighting him every step of the way. Now, both of you are going to stop arguing and get along.” She plopped down in her seat, crossing her arms on her chest.

Susan and Peter sat back down in their chairs, still glaring at each other. Edmund sighed aloud and leaned forward as well. “You two never cease to amaze me,” he said. “Just when I assume that things have gotten dull, Susan goes and starts yelling.”

“I didn’t yell,” Susan replied, shifting her gaze. She saw the laughter in Edmund’s eyes and she half-smiled. “I merely expressed my opinion.”

“With volume,” Caspian added, nodding. Susan shot him a look, but smiled a bit brighter.

“May I ask what is going on now?” Edmund added.

“Caspian leaves on Monday, now,” Susan explained. “His deployment date has been moved up.” Edmund digested this for a long moment and then nodded, uncertain about why this was worth arguing about. “And last night, Caspian asked me to marry him when he got back.”

“Ah,” Edmund replied as it dawned on him. “That’s what this is all about.” He nodded, pushing his lips together in a firm line. “Well, you two have a day and a half left to fight about it, then it won’t matter much.”

“It doesn’t matter much now,” Lucy added, gesturing. “What’s done is done, you can’t expect him to take the proposal back.” Caspian nodded once in agreement. “He will only extend it when he returns, and what will have changed then? Absolutely nothing.”

“She has a point, Pete,” Edmund agreed, rising to his feet. “Now, if you will excuse me, I am meeting friends in the park.” As Edmund disappeared from the room Susan and Lucy to exchanged glances but did not speak. In their silent, sisterly way, they knew that he was not just going to meet friends.

“I don’t want to fight with you, Pete,” Caspian said, finally. “I respect you and your love for your family. I only wish to be included in it one day.”

Peter nodded silently, his eyes fixed on Caspian. He made no move to apologize for his actions or offer a hand in a gesture of friendship. “If you will excuse me,” Caspian said, pushing his chair back. “I really must be going. Everything will be closed tomorrow and I need to get a few things taken care of.”

“Not much is open now,” Lucy responded.

“I still need to try.” He leaned over and peered at Susan, she nodded at him. “I will see you tonight, my love?”

“Of course,” she replied. “And things will be better.” Caspian nodded and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. He whispered something to her that no one but her could hear. “Of course,” she repeated. “I promise.”

He rose to his feet and nodded to Lucy and Peter, Lucy returned the gesture, but Peter ignored him. Susan rose as well and moved toward the door, closing it behind him. When she returned to the dining room, she crossed her arms and stared at Peter. Peter stared back.

“You are a coward,” she said. Peter moved to argue. “Don’t deny it. You are unwilling to let me be happy for fear that it will change things for you. What will happen to Lucy when she is all you have left? Will you lock her in a room and stand sentry at the door?” Again, he opened his mouth to speak. She shook her head. “I have nothing more to say to you, and I don’t care to listen.” She turned on her heel and left the room, leaving Lucy and Peter alone in the empty dining room.

Neither spoke for a long time, sitting in silence, thinking their own thoughts. Finally, Lucy spoke, ever so softly. “Perhaps you should leave her alone for awhile,” she said. “Until she cools off.”

“Fine.”

Lucy stood up and turned to leave the room. “Swallow your pride, your majesty. Before you destroy what we found in Narnia.” She left, moving up the stairs. Silence had descended on the Pevensie house.

 

The silence echoed through dinner as well. Clive Pevensie and Professor Kirke kept up their own conversation, with an occasional question directed toward the children or Helen, but besides answering, the children did not speak. Susan and Caspian chewed thoughtfully on their meals while Edmund ate with relish and Lucy picked quietly. Peter did not eat at all.

By the end of dinner, Susan’s meal was sitting like a brick in her stomach, her heart hammering in her chest. She would not see Caspian at all the next day, having told her parents that his faith was served at home in silence. It had been the only way to keep him from church with them, since he had never taken to the British faith. Lucy watched her, taking in the pale apples of her cheeks, the dull look of her eyes. There was no sparkle left. She feared that it would vanish completely with Caspian.

“Well, Caspian,” Clive said, finally. “Are you looking forward to your deployment?”

Caspian cleared his throat, dabbing his mouth with his napkin. All eyes were on him. “I must say, sir, that I am looking forward to returning far more than deploying,” he said, glancing to Susan. She nodded faintly.

“I can understand why,” Helen said, beaming at Susan. “I understand that you have reached an agreement.”

Susan wished she could sigh. Helen made it sound like they were making a purchase. “Yes, Mrs. Pevensie, we have,” Caspian agreed, squeezing Susan’s hand. “Susan has agreed to my proposal, however,” he continued. Everyone’s eyes were instantly on Caspian. “I do need to ask for permission from one more person.”

“What are you doing, Caspian?” Susan whispered.

“I’m doing what I should have done before going to that dance hall,” Caspian replied. “Peter,” he said, turning in his chair to face him completely. “I need to ask your permission to court Susan with the intent of marriage once I return.” Peter’s eyes leveled at him, dark blue against white. Susan could not tell what his response would be.

Peter glanced around at the people around the table, who now had their eyes pointed right at him. He could easily be rude, calling Caspian out against the things that he knew about him. His eyes fell on Lucy and he heard her words echoing in his head. He looked to Susan, her blue eyes filled with untold sadness, and he knew what he had to do. “I will give my permission, under one condition,” Peter said finally. Caspian nodded once, his eyes locked on Peter. “Next time Susan starts yelling at me, make an attempt to defend me.” Susan hid a smile in her hair, her eyes shining at her brother.

Caspian grinned broadly. “I can do that,” he said, his eyes glowing.

“Why did Susan yell at you?” Helen questioned, tilting her head to the side.

Peter glanced to Susan, who mouthed, “Thank you.” He nodded to her, smiling.

“It was nothing, Mother,” Peter replied, looking to her. “I was just being a prat.”

Lucy giggled, reaching for her water glass. Peter shot her a smile as well and she nodded to him. Susan was sitting very still, watching her family. Down at the end of the table, on the left of her father, Professor Kirke’s eyes were laughing heartily while his exterior stayed cool and calm. He winked at her and she smiled back at him, ducking her chin slightly. Caspian’s hand was in hers, squeezing lightly; she squeezed back. She felt a sickening feeling start in the pit of her stomach; she only had one more day.

 

Luncheon on Sunday always followed church, but Susan had claimed a headache early that morning. Helen had not argued when Susan had said that she was going to remain in bed, but as soon as she saw her family moving into the black sedan parked at the curb she got up to dress. Caspian only had one more day; less than twenty-four hours, and Susan did not want to waste it.

Dressed in a dark blue day dress, with her hair pulled back off of her face, she moved downstairs and outside. It was a typical London day, overcast and slightly foggy, though the fog was easily seen through. The underground station was only a few blocks and she walked it quickly, merging into the scattered crowd of people waiting for the train. She slid into a seat, pulling her coat tighter around her body. Even in the Underground it was chilly, November in London was never warm anywhere. Even the houses were chilled in corners that were tucked away from the fireplaces.

The train lurched, carrying her away from Finchley and toward Caspian’s house. In the middle of the train and man moved out of the way and revealed Cecily, sitting in a chair across from her. Susan started, surprised to see her. Cecily lived on the opposite side of City Center, closer to the school. Cecily did not see her; her eyes were fixed on the floor before her. Susan debated speaking, wondering if Cecily would speak to her if she noticed her before Caspian’s stop.

In the end, Susan’s manners won the best of her and she leaned slightly forward. “Cecily,” she said, fixing a smile on her face. Cecily glanced up and Susan saw fear flit across her face. “How are you?” she asked, suddenly uncertain. Cecily obviously had not expected to be seen on the train.

“I’m all right,” she replied, shifting uncomfortably. “Why aren’t you at church?”

Susan eyed her suspiciously. Cecily barely met her eyes, letting them dart back and forth. It was uncharacteristic of the normally calm and collected girl that Susan knew from school. “I am on my way to meet Caspian, he is leaving tomorrow and we were going to spend the service together,” Susan said. It was a white lie, they were not going to attend church, but that would not matter in this moment.

“Leaving?” Cecily asked, the atypical panic leaving her face for a moment. “Where is he going?”

Susan glanced away, amazed by the sudden heated interest in Cecily’s eyes. “He has joined the military, he leaves tomorrow morning,” Susan said, bringing her eyes back to Cecily.

“Has he really?” Cecily asked, brushing hair from her face. Susan took in Cecily’s outfit while the girl mulled it over. Cecily always wore a nice wool coat over her school uniform, but the coat that she wore today was a bit more tattered. She had a hole in her sleeve. “He only just arrived,” Cecily said, a smirk coming over her face. “Did you chase him away already?”

Susan reared back a little, staring at her as the train lurched to a stop. “Excuse me,” Susan said, rising to her feet. “This is my stop.” She did not glance back at Cecily, anger bubbling up in her stomach. She knew that Cecily was mean, but she had never imagined she was so hurtful. Susan ran up the steps, ignoring the stares she was getting. Suddenly she had to see Caspian, had to know that Cecily’s comment was ill-founded. Even with all of the things that he had said running through her mind, she could not shake the feeling that he did not feel for her the way that she felt about him. She knew that it was absurd to feel that way with everything that they had been through in the last month.

She broke out on to the street and gasped in the cool air; she had to slow down or she would attract unwanted attention to herself. The Commodore’s house was not far from the station and running would only worry people. Besides, Cecily had not followed Susan off of the train so she could not infect Susan with anymore negative thoughts.

The streets here were almost empty; services had started all over the city, bringing the masses into churches. It was only then that Susan thought about Cecily being on a train during service on Sunday. She could not be bothered by it, however, as the Commodore’s house came into sight.

Out front, at the gate, stood a guard that Susan had never seen before, and as she strolled up to the fence line he came over to meet her. “May I help you, miss?” he asked, his face blank.

“I’m here to see Mr. Tennyson,” Susan said, fighting to keep her voice steady.

The guard stared at her for a long moment before saying, “I’m sorry, miss. No one is permitted through the gates without an appointment.”

Susan tapped her foot once and folded her arms. She was freezing. “My name is Susan Pevensie,” she said. “He expects me.”

“I have no knowledge of your appointment, miss. I am sorry.” He did not look the least bit sorry.

Susan sighed and opened her mouth to argue again when a second guard came out of the guard house. “Miss Pevensie,” he said. She turned to look at him; he was the same young man that had given her a difficult time the first day that she had come. “Miss Pevensie,” he repeated, reaching the gate. “I’m sorry you had to wait. Please, come in.” He smiled at her. She nodded and stepped through the gate. As she turned and walked toward the house using carefully measured steps she heard the guard speaking in a hushed whisper.

She reached the door and banged the door knocker. It was a long few minutes before the door finally swung open revealing Caspian, dressed in casual slacks and a white shirt. He wore suspenders over his shoulders, but no tie. “Susan,” he said, startled. “Is something wrong?”

“May I come in?” she asked, feeling her voice finally break.

Caspian nodded sharply, stepped aside. “Of course,” he said as she moved over the threshold. “What is it?” he asked, closing the door. “Why aren’t you in church?”

“I told my parents that I had a headache,” she replied, shedding her coat. He moved to take it but she dropped it to the floor. He glanced at it for only a second before she threw her arms around him and pressed her lips to his. He pulled her against him, feeling her fit into his body like they had been sculpted. “I needed to see you,” she whispered into his ear as she gripped him.

“I understand,” he said, holding her tight. “I did not sleep at all last night, I thought only of you.”

“I didn’t drive you to this, did I?” she asked, her voice so soft that he barely heard it.

He pulled away just enough to look into her eyes. They were filled with unshed tears. “Whatever would make you think that?” he demanded, his voice dark.

“I saw Cecily on the train and when I told her that you had joined she asked if I had driven you away already.” She felt the tears spill over onto her cheeks as she blinked.

Caspian sighed, pulling her back into him. “Cecily is a tart,” he replied, brushing his hand down her hair. She nodded into his shirt. “But that isn’t what brought you here.” She shook her head against him. “What is it, love?” Caspian whispered, dropping a kiss on her hair.

“I just wanted to be near you before you leave, and this might be the only chance,” she said, tilting her face away from his shirt to look at him. “I’m sorry to just drop in,” she added as an afterthought.

He shook his head, fixing a smile on his lips. “Nonsense,” he said, chuckling. “Now, have you eaten breakfast?”

Susan shook her head and allowed him to lead her into the kitchen. It was larger than her parents, but very much the same. There was fresh bread steaming on the counter and eggs in a bowl by the stove. “Mrs. Talbot was just here,” Caspian said, “She’s the Commodore’s housekeeper, she usually comes by to help me with meals and such. She seems to understand that I am useless when it comes to the kitchen.” Susan giggled, hiding her mouth with her hand. He glanced over his shoulder at her and asked, “What is so amusing?”

Susan dropped a hand on his arm, “Well, I would have to say that by the time you return you will be proficient in the kitchen.” She grinned at him, but the grin vanished. “I wish that you had waited until you understood a little bit more our world before joining the army.”

“War is war,” Caspian said, shrugging. “Let’s make breakfast.”

She stared at him for a long moment, shaking her head. “Caspian,” she said.

He turned to face her, his blue eyes imploring. “Please don’t, Sue,” he said. “Let’s just enjoy breakfast together.” She nodded. “Will you help me? Or shall I burn the house down?”

Susan smiled, and moved toward the stove, saying, “I’ll make the eggs, do you have potatoes?”

Caspian nodded and moved across the kitchen. Together, they began making breakfast.

 

When the Pevensies arrived home from church, Susan was sitting in the window seat watching the street. Her forehead was leaned against the cold glass of the window when Lucy strolled into the parlor. She took in the sight of her sister, curled up into a ball in the corner of the window. She wore a dark brown wool dress and black stockings; her knees were bent under her with her hands folded in her lap. A black sweater kept her arms from feeling chilled. “How is your headache?” Lucy asked, stepping into the room. Susan nodded, but did not speak. Glancing over her shoulder to be sure she was not followed into the room, Lucy strolled to the window seat and sat down. “You didn’t have a headache, did you?” Susan shook her head, shifting her eyes to the girl. “And how is Caspian?” Lucy finished.

“He was all right; I only went over for breakfast. I didn’t want to risk Mother and Father finding out,” she answered, looking away. They heard their mother moving around in the dining room, preparing the table for lunch. “I think that I might go back upstairs,” she continued, meeting Lucy’s eyes. “I’m not ready to face the family yet.”

Her sister nodding, moving out of the way so that Susan could slide out of the window seat. She silently climbed the stairs and tip-toed down the hallway. She slipped into her bedroom and closed the door. Across the room, by the window, was the chair that Caspian had stayed in when he had snuck into her room. Still slung over the back of the chair was the blanket that she had given him as a pillow. She curled up in the chair, wrapped herself in the blanket and closed her eyes. She slept, tears lingering on her cheeks.

 

Night had fallen when Susan finally opened her eyes. Her legs were cramped from the positioning that she had placed herself in. She tried to remember what it had been that had woken her, but she drew a blank. She did not recall a dream of any kind, and there was no sound coming from the closed window behind her. She stirred and stretched her legs out in front of her. She had no way of knowing what time it was, but she doubted that it would be past dinner time. Her mother would have sent someone to rouse her.

A soft knock sounded at the door, and she realized that it was not the first time that the person had knocked. That was the sound that woke her. She rose to her feet and went to the door. Opening it, she found Professor Kirke standing in the frame. “Professor,” she said, startled. This was not the person that she thought her mother would send. “Is it dinner all ready?”

“Not quite,” Professor Kirke replied, “But I was hoping to speak with you.”

“Of course,” Susan replied, stepping out into the hall. “What can I help you with, sir?”

“I feel that I might be able to help you,” the professor said, clearing his throat. “I know that this is exceptionally difficult for you; saying farewell to Caspian after such a brief time with him. However, I do need you to understand that Aslan would not send him here just to tear him away from you.”

“Professor,” she said softly, “Do you ever feel that perhaps Aslan has no control in this world?”

He shook his head. “No, dear girl,” he answered. “I feel that Aslan is with us where ever we roam; in this world or any other. Haven’t you felt that sense of being that accompanies you whenever you feel doubt?” She nodded. “That’s Aslan. He is with you, always. He guides you. It can be misconstrued as a conscience. Lucy tells me that she still feel him with her.”

“Yes, but Lucy has always felt him there. Even when we didn’t believe her.”

“Hmmm,” the professor said, “Does Lucy often tell mistruths?”

Susan smiled, reminded of the first time that they had met. “No, and I don’t believe that she’s mad either,” she whispered.

He grinned down at her. “Well if she’s not mad and she’s not lying, then she must be telling the truth. And if she can feel Aslan, then he must be here. And if Aslan is here, then shouldn’t Caspian be returned to you safely and in one piece?”

“Thank you, Professor,” Susan replied, meeting his gaze. “You are truly a marvelous friend.”

He reached down and took her hand in his, squeezing it affectionately. “If I had a daughter, I would want her to be like you, Susan. Perhaps a bit less logical,” he said, his eyes sparkling. She laughed and squeezed his hand in return. “Will I see you at dinner, then?”

“Yes, sir. I’ll be down shortly."


	19. Farewell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are goodbyes, and a visit from a lion.

Dawn came too late to find Susan in bed. She was sitting at the table in the kitchen, sipping tea and staring out the windows as the sky lightened. It was dawn of Caspian’s deployment day and she was determined not to cry. The words that Professor Kirke had spoken still echoed in her head from the night before. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, listening carefully. She had been trying to sense Aslan all night, to no avail. She felt no different then she always had.

“Sue?” Lucy asked from the doorway. “What are you doing up?” She moved into the lighted circle of the room. Susan opened her eyes to look at her and Lucy shrugged. “Silly question,” she added, plopping down in the seat beside her. “Did you add any bourbon to your tea yet?” she asked.

“No,” Susan retorted, glancing to where her mother stored the liquor. “I want to remember every moment of the morning.”

Lucy stood up and went to the teapot on the stove. Pouring her own tea, she stirred lazily. Susan was silent for a very long time, staring off into space. Finally she spoke, saying, “Luce? Do you Aslan now?”

“Always,” Lucy replied.

“Oh,” Susan whispered, dropping her head. “I wish I could feel him.”

“You will when you’re ready, I suppose.”

Helen stepped into the kitchen, her eyes falling her daughters. “Good morning, girls,” she said, smiling. “I would say that I am surprised to see you here, but I’m not really.” She came over and brushed her hand down Susan’s hair. “How are you, darling?” she asked, dropping a kiss on the crown of her head.

“As well as can be expected, I suppose,” she replied. Helen nodded. “Would you like help with breakfast, Mother?”

“Why don’t you get ready? Caspian will be here soon.” Susan nodded, rising to her feet. Her parents had given her permission to come home after the train station, understanding that she would be in no condition to attend classes. The siblings would go with them to the station and then head off to school. She headed up the stairs in the kitchen, trailed by Lucy.

 

Fog swirled on the train platform, reminding Susan of a film. Everything was shrouded in mist and people moved through the swirls like dark shadows against the white. Caspian stood with them, wearing his gray military issued trenchcoat over his new uniform. Susan could not help but think of how dashing his looked in the gray-green worsted wool army cut uniform, his black boots gleaming in the overhead lights of the railroad station. The family stood around Caspian and Susan, silent as a funeral procession. “Well,” he said, turning. “I suppose this is it, then.” Susan nodded, not trusting her voice.

Helen reached out and embraced him, whispering a farewell. Clive shook the young man’s hand, adding a few encouraging words. The two of them stepped away to allow the children their farewells. Peter was next in line, and he, too, offered his hand. “Be safe, my friend,” he said. “Remember, you have no choice but to return. You have to defend me against Susan.” Caspian nodded. They embraced shortly and Peter stepped back.

Edmund fell into place. “Well, I must say that everything since I met you has been an adventure. And you did make the call that changed our life, again,” he said. “You do make things more interesting, even in leaving, things have not been dull.” He grinned up at him, “I look forward to mocking you upon your return.” He reached out and shook Caspian’s hand and then fell back.

Lucy stepped up in front of Susan, putting off the inevitable. She flung herself at Caspian, allowing him to catch her. She leaned up and whispered in his ear, “Come back for her, or I will never forgive you.” Caspian nodded, smiling down at her. She fell back, leaving Susan to face him alone.

She turned to see her family fade away, keeping their distance to allow them privacy. Susan looked back at Caspian and saw tears sparking in his eyes. “I will return for you,” he whispered, taking her hand. “I will return and we will never be separated again, my love.” Susan nodded, feeling the tears overflow down her cheeks. “Do not be afraid. I will write you every chance I get. There will never be a single moment when I am not thinking of you.”

“I will think of you every moment that I am awake and I will dream of you every moment that I sleep,” Susan whispered, feeling her body shake with the effort of restraining the sob that threatened to rack her body. “I will write to you every day, and I will miss you until you return.”

“You can’t very well miss me once I’m back, can you?” he joked, a sad smile on his face. She shook her head, feigning a smile. “Here,” Caspian said, withdrawing a package from his pocket. It was wrapped in brown paper and tied with twine. Susan took it. “Write in it every day, tell me your deepest thoughts. I will hear them as your pen lets them go. I will know what you are thinking and I will answer your thoughts with my own.” She held tight to the book shaped package and nodded. “Susan,” Caspian whispered, tilting her head up so that e could meet her gaze. “I did not travel all this way, after all this time, to lose you now.”

“I know,” Susan said, closing her eyes. She leaned up and embraced him, feeling his warmth overwhelm her. When she opened her eyes she was peering over his shoulder. In the mist of the station she saw the faint outline of a giant lion waiting at the edge of the platform and she smiled. Caspian kissed her cheek lightly and pulled away, but the warm feeling did not leave her. It stayed deep in her heart.

“I’ll be right here when you return, my love,” she said in a whisper. “I will be here, waiting for you to step off that train and make good of the promise that you have made.”

“I don’t break promises, love.”

She nodded, reaching up to kiss him lightly on the lips. With that, he turned and as the whistle blew he climbed abroad the train. Lucy came up beside her, followed by the rest of her family. Lucy’s hand slid into hers and Susan whispered, “He’s here.”

“I know,” Lucy replied. “I can feel him too.”

“He’s going to watch out for him, isn’t he?”

“Yes,” Lucy whispered. “And for you as well.”

The train chugged to life, pulling away from the station. Caspian sat in the window, watching and waving. As the train pulled out of sight, Susan remembered the book clasped in her hands. She tore the brown paper away, tucking it into her pocket. The book had the image of a lion burned into the brown leather. She opened the book and scrawled inside, in Caspian’s masculine handwriting it read:

_My love,_

_And on her lover’s arm she leant,_

_And round her waist she felt it fold,_

_And far across the hills they went_

_In that new world which is the old,_

_Across the hills, and far away_

_Beyond their utmost purple rim,_

_And deep into the dying day_

_The happy princess follow’d him._

-          _Tennyson_

_I will return,_

_Caspian_


End file.
